Somewhere inside of me that I cannot reach there's a door I cannot close, nor can I open it. Somewhere inside of that room beyond that door is a space just for you. You never leave that space and perhaps its because you feel as safe inside of it, as I do putting you in it. There are days when I want to reach inside and pull you out. Days when I need you here with me, to walk along side of me, because I am afraid to take the next step in my journey, here on earth.Somewhere inside of me that I cannot reach there's a window I cannot close, nor can I open it. Somewhere beyond that window is a view of a space just for you. I can see you looking through that window, watching me as I make my way home to you. There are days when I want to reach inside of that window and pull you through it. Days when I need you here with me, to witness the beauty left behind when you took your final step in your journey, here on earth.
Somewhere inside of me is a space where you live, so you can keep me on a path to succeed in the quests I have yet to face. A space where I can feel you guiding me through a life of pain and sorrow. A space where I can see you smile at me as life continues to fill me with happiness and joy. A space that's does not allow me to physically reach out to you, but allows me to carry you with me, to live out a life you never had the chance to live.
Somewhere inside of me you exist in a way most people will never know. Perhaps God choose for us to be together this way in life because he felt that is how you could best keep your promise to me that you will never leave me. Maybe when I was created, it was with a special space inside of me designed specifically to hold you. A space where I cannot physically reach, but visit with my mind every second I breath.
It seems to me that my life began, when yours was taken away. It seems to me that I live on, where you left off. It seems to me that for every step I take that you cannot, we walk together. It seems to me that had you not died, I would not have lived. It seems to me that what you could not fix on earth, you are fixing from Heaven.
The only way I will ever be able to repay you is to live a good life. To be kind to my enemies and hold dear my friends. To not be selfish of my time and seek out those off the path and guide them back to safety. To grow as a person and excel in all I can. To enjoy the beauty of life and not let the darkness cast shadows over me. To honor all that is good and preserve faith in a better tomorrow. To see rainbows beyond the rain. To see brightness beyond the dark. To see life beyond the flaws.
I will continue to reach deep inside of me for that door that does not close or open. I will continue to look through that window I cannot reach you through. Because I know you will always be there and that someday we will exit that space together, and sit side by side beyond the lives we were given. To one day walk again, as if you never left.
I miss you crazy brother, and the secrets we share. I miss the calm you brought to Bushnell, and smiles you left behind there. I miss the days of snake bites and that stupid rubiks cube. But more than any of that, I really do miss you.
I love you Joey, thanks for keeping your promise of " better days and different ways". I'm keeping my promise to you of "different days and better ways".
