Losing someone you have given everything you are to is a painful experience. Depending on what that loss is, at what point in your life's path, the pain is different. When that loss is due to a death you find yourself at a point in your life that you know cannot be fixed, cannot be undone, cannot be turned back in time and revived. It is final, the most final thing you will ever experience in your life.
The result is the grief process and you can read about the five or seven steps that have been published regarding grief but that proves to be words on paper when the pain you are feeling does not match what your personal loss may be. The steps of grief are important and it is very helpful to know what you are going through and why you are feeling the was you feel. I just know that no matter what I read about grief, it has never explained the pain I feel inside my chest.
You hear about how your heart feels heavy. You hear about how the pain will eventually go away (lies). You hear about how you need to get back into your routine which will help the pain (lies). You hear about how your loved one is in a better place (true, but who wants to hear that?) You hear about how its God's Plan and you need to trust Him (true, but you won't).
They tell you its like a broken leg and as soon as the leg heals things won't hurt so bad. Excuse me while I roll my eyes back in my head. When you break your leg, it mends, but it will never be like it was before you broke it. Now I'm no doctor but I have had many broken bones and at he age of 24, they still hurt when the weather turns.
So why would we believe that the heart will mend and the pain will go away? It doesn't and it never will and if you've ever lost someone who stole a piece of your heart. The tears will fall forever and the heart will hurt forever. It's supposed to and if it did not every step of our journey on earth would be a farce, an outright farce.
The day your heart heals and never hurts again is the day God calls you home and you fly to heaven and land right next to the person, or the people, who went there before you did.
Cory, Sir, you let those tears fall and you accept that your heart will never stop hurting. You earned that right to feel that amount of love. You earned the right to love her now more than you ever thought you were capable of loving her.
But don't you forget that her wish for you is to move forward in your life. To raise that daughter to be the best she can. Give her the best you have to offer. Show her that love lives on even when that love is out of reach. That is why it hurts forever. That is why it is suppose to hurt at all. Because without the pain, the tears, the sorrow, the love you gave to Kim on earth was nothing more than temporary. The pain makes it permanent. The pain reminds us we got it right. The heart will heal, but the pain will remind you as the seasons change where Kim expects you to be. In the fields.
Get out there in those fields, milk those cows, and when you get home at the end of your day, do those damn dishes, you know she hated dirty dishes in her sink.
Love you Cory and thank you for letting me be such a big part of not just Kim's life, but yours as well. I will always be a better man in life because of the example you provided me. I will always be a better person in life, because you let your wife take me under her wing and fix me.
I may of been Piglet to Kim's Pooh, but you Sir, were her Honey Pot.
Jett
