Dedicated to my friend Cory and his great friend Davy
Death in itself is tragic enough to those of us experiencing the loss of a loved one whether it is a family member, a family pet, or a good friend. Many times a total stranger we merely 'know of' can stir up an emotion in us that our hearts and minds cannot shake. It could be a grandparent you've know since the day you were born, or a friend you have know for a few short months. It could be a neighbor and his wife you've lived next door to for a year and have seen daily or the guy you see three to four times a year. It could be that brother you never knew, that sister that never reached the age of five, or the mother that failed you when you needed her the most.
There are several factors in a loved ones death that will enhance the pain and emotion we are experiencing. When you are younger the sadness will not be as strong and will move out of your system quickly. You will feel a void in your life from the loss, but you will quickly replace that void. As you get older those voids will remain unfilled no matter how hard you try to fill them. When you are well aged in your years, you accept those voids, and start thinking about the day you will be a void in other peoples lives.
There comes a point in our lives when we mourn the death of those we loved, and carry the sadness of their death with us, relying on memories to ease our pain. We search for answers on the why. We refuse to accept the loss. We blame ourselves for the loss. We cry to release the pressure of the pain in our hearts from the loss. We search our minds for something to comfort us. We look towards others to help relieve the pain we cannot see, but will certainly feel for a very long time. We feel lost and empty. We take it personal. We want our loved one back.
When you spend nearly every day of your life with someone, you not only consider them a special and dear friend to you, you know you are a special and dear friend to them too. You do not think about the day they will no longer be there, standing next to you as you journey through your life. Even when that buddy of yours has been told his days are numbered the love in your heart forces your mind to push that out of the way, not letting it hinder the friendship you have. How will you ever fill the void that was left behind?
Grieving is a natural response to the death of someone close to us, and crying is as natural to the grieving process as anger is to the search for why someone so close to us has been taken away. Coping with the sudden empty void in our lives will prove to be one of the most difficult things we will experience in the bond of a friendship. If you have not ever experience the loss of someone close to you, you do not understand the void left behind. The gouge left in our hearts is not temporary and far exceeds the breaks it has experienced in some of the more difficult times in our lives. Breaks in our hearts will mend as we accept the reasons behind them. The marks left there by human loss will remain forever in the spaces we allowed others to occupy.
We all grieve and mourn at different speeds and different levels. We eventually find a tolerable comfort level knowing that the person we lost is in a better place, as hard as that is to accept when you knew so much about the life they loved when they were with us. The many people affected by their death will find ways to move on with their lives that were left with the mere memories they shared with that person. We all find our own peace inside ourselves that allow us to start relishing in the great memories made together when we stood side by side living life as if it would never end. Although our lives have been altered by the death of someone we chose to let in hearts, we should celebrate the time we had with them, and find comfort in knowing that one day we will see them again.
I cannot say the words to you that will take away, or even ease, your pain. I wish I could. However I can tell you from personal experience that when they tell you time heals all wounds, they mean well, but they are wrong. It hurts today as much as it did five years ago. The tears never go away, the heart never mends. The anger still surfaces for the loss of my best friend. Everywhere I turn there is something to remind me of a memory, good or bad, of the brother I lost.
My advice to you my friend is to keep the memories alive. Celebrate the time you had with your buddy and honor him by accepting his untimely death. He will live on in the lives he's touched throughout the people who knew him well. You may have spent countless hours standing next to him, but he has now found a way to be with you always. His spirit is with you and he will continue to be the same friend to you now that he was as when you breathed the same air. He is a legend that has left his legacy behind in your hands and in your heart.
The day they lower his casket into the earth they are planting a new seed. That seed will grow inside each and every person his life has touched. What grows from that seed is up to you. Take the love you had for him and the tears you cry for him and nurture the memories so that someday you too may plant a seed inside the lives you've touched, and his legacy will truly live on..
God Bless you my friend, as you experience one of life's biggest tragedies in the unexpected and sudden death of a dear friend.
Death in itself is tragic enough to those of us experiencing the loss of a loved one whether it is a family member, a family pet, or a good friend. Many times a total stranger we merely 'know of' can stir up an emotion in us that our hearts and minds cannot shake. It could be a grandparent you've know since the day you were born, or a friend you have know for a few short months. It could be a neighbor and his wife you've lived next door to for a year and have seen daily or the guy you see three to four times a year. It could be that brother you never knew, that sister that never reached the age of five, or the mother that failed you when you needed her the most.
There are several factors in a loved ones death that will enhance the pain and emotion we are experiencing. When you are younger the sadness will not be as strong and will move out of your system quickly. You will feel a void in your life from the loss, but you will quickly replace that void. As you get older those voids will remain unfilled no matter how hard you try to fill them. When you are well aged in your years, you accept those voids, and start thinking about the day you will be a void in other peoples lives.
There comes a point in our lives when we mourn the death of those we loved, and carry the sadness of their death with us, relying on memories to ease our pain. We search for answers on the why. We refuse to accept the loss. We blame ourselves for the loss. We cry to release the pressure of the pain in our hearts from the loss. We search our minds for something to comfort us. We look towards others to help relieve the pain we cannot see, but will certainly feel for a very long time. We feel lost and empty. We take it personal. We want our loved one back.
When you spend nearly every day of your life with someone, you not only consider them a special and dear friend to you, you know you are a special and dear friend to them too. You do not think about the day they will no longer be there, standing next to you as you journey through your life. Even when that buddy of yours has been told his days are numbered the love in your heart forces your mind to push that out of the way, not letting it hinder the friendship you have. How will you ever fill the void that was left behind?
Grieving is a natural response to the death of someone close to us, and crying is as natural to the grieving process as anger is to the search for why someone so close to us has been taken away. Coping with the sudden empty void in our lives will prove to be one of the most difficult things we will experience in the bond of a friendship. If you have not ever experience the loss of someone close to you, you do not understand the void left behind. The gouge left in our hearts is not temporary and far exceeds the breaks it has experienced in some of the more difficult times in our lives. Breaks in our hearts will mend as we accept the reasons behind them. The marks left there by human loss will remain forever in the spaces we allowed others to occupy.
We all grieve and mourn at different speeds and different levels. We eventually find a tolerable comfort level knowing that the person we lost is in a better place, as hard as that is to accept when you knew so much about the life they loved when they were with us. The many people affected by their death will find ways to move on with their lives that were left with the mere memories they shared with that person. We all find our own peace inside ourselves that allow us to start relishing in the great memories made together when we stood side by side living life as if it would never end. Although our lives have been altered by the death of someone we chose to let in hearts, we should celebrate the time we had with them, and find comfort in knowing that one day we will see them again.
I cannot say the words to you that will take away, or even ease, your pain. I wish I could. However I can tell you from personal experience that when they tell you time heals all wounds, they mean well, but they are wrong. It hurts today as much as it did five years ago. The tears never go away, the heart never mends. The anger still surfaces for the loss of my best friend. Everywhere I turn there is something to remind me of a memory, good or bad, of the brother I lost.
My advice to you my friend is to keep the memories alive. Celebrate the time you had with your buddy and honor him by accepting his untimely death. He will live on in the lives he's touched throughout the people who knew him well. You may have spent countless hours standing next to him, but he has now found a way to be with you always. His spirit is with you and he will continue to be the same friend to you now that he was as when you breathed the same air. He is a legend that has left his legacy behind in your hands and in your heart.
The day they lower his casket into the earth they are planting a new seed. That seed will grow inside each and every person his life has touched. What grows from that seed is up to you. Take the love you had for him and the tears you cry for him and nurture the memories so that someday you too may plant a seed inside the lives you've touched, and his legacy will truly live on..
God Bless you my friend, as you experience one of life's biggest tragedies in the unexpected and sudden death of a dear friend.
