8 years
100 months
434 weeks
3,041 days
72,984 hours
4,379,040 minutes
This morning I wrote the 3,041st entry in the journal I started 100 months ago when my brother Joey died from complications of lung cancer. Joey died on Feb 7, 2007 at the age of twenty-four. I was fourteen when Joey died 434 weeks ago and each day since I have documented my life without him.
Today I opened my 'Absent Brother' journal and wrote my daily entry:
"LOG ENTRY 3,041: Happy Birthday in Heaven Joey! Though I miss your absence in my day here on earth I find comfort knowing you are celebrating Eternal Life in God's House. Walking in my journey on earth without you has never gotten easier, but knowing you silently walk next to me is a comfort in my days. The wind whispers my name as you guide me on a path of success and happiness. The rain cleanses my soul when I am looking for comfort from my days without you. The sun shines on me with a warmth of comfort reminding me where you are. The gentle breeze around me from your wings calms my fears. I pray this messages finds you resting in the peace you deserve after the suffering you endured on your journey on earth. I know Mom and Jayson and Jocelyn and many others surround you on your day of birth. Love you Joey, and miss you from earth to heaven and back. Happy Birthday to my hero, my brother and my friend for life through death."
Death is no stranger to me and my faith helps me understand that time on earth is borrowed never promised. The only promise about life and death I know is that God grants us eternal life with him in heaven and a bonus to his eternal life program is one day we will all be together again in heaven. The Circle Of Life calls us to Him when he chooses to bring us to Him. Getting to know God through the Bible is how we prepare to meet Him and join His Kingdom in the Heavens above. In the final months of Joey's life he reached out to a friend who helped him prepare of his life after his death by sharing many Bible moments with him. Joey believed he would never be invited into the Kingdom of God because of his faults in the way he lived his life but that never stopped him from seeking forgiveness and redemption.
I am confident that today Joey is among all others that passed from earth to heaven to become our guides and sponsors in God's plan for us. As much as I wish Joey back on earth with me, as hard as I pray to have him back with me, I know he is right where God needs him to be. I count the days, the months, the weeks, and yes, sometimes I count the minutes that Joey has been gone. I love him that much. If I could find a way to count the days, the months, the weeks, even the seconds until I get to see him again I would do so with great anticipation in my heart.
I often wonder, had Joey never left earth would my faith be as huge as it is now? Would my belief in God and His plan be as strong as it is now? Would I be the person who I am now, had I not had an angel in Heaven I would have to die to see gain? My dreams of Heaven help me continue to follow God's direction on a daily basis. I want to be the best I can be to honor Him for his belief in me as well as acknowledge to him through faith my belief in Him.
It hurts our hearts to lose those we love with every beat of our heart. I once dreamt that I was on my knees, tears falling to the ground creating puddles of tears. Each time a tear fell into the puddle it caused a ripple effect that made my heart break a little harder, hurt a little more. I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a whisper in the wind "Eternal Life with My Father is worth the pain in your heart. Believe always." As I opened my eyes and looked into the puddle of my own tears I saw an image of myself kneeling down and crying. The ripples in the water slowly faded away and next to my image there was Jesus leaning over me with his hand on my shoulder. As soon as it was there, it was gone and the puddle dried up. That was 3,041 days ago when my journal entry read:
"LOG ENTRY 1: I believe. I will see you again someday. Love Always, Jett."
