When you miss me just look up to the night sky and remember,
I’m like a star; sometimes you can’t see me, but I’m always there.
~ Gracie
May 27, 2012
As hard as it was to say my final goodbye to Gracie before she would begin her journey in heaven, I knew she was confident in her faith in God and comfortable in his reward waiting for her in His Kingdom. Such a young child of God, finishing her journey on earth with the Grace she let God give her. Such a strong faith in the afterlife for a little girl who had dreams of one day going to college and marrying the man who would love her forever. The same eight year old girl playing with Barbie's and tormenting me was the same little girl who lived her short life with more love for God then most adults ever would before their own last breath of life on earth arrived.
Gracie and I had many things in common for two people who grew up in different worlds. We shared old souls, deep faith, and big hearts. It wasn't until the day she passed that I realized from the day we met Gracie started to prepare me for the day we would say good-bye. She was that great of a friend to me. She cared that deeply for me. She loved me that much.
There has not been one day in the last year that has gone by without Gracie being on my mind and in my heart. I continue to work on all the "pinky promises" that we made together. I continue to sift through all the notes I took during the times we spent together. I work on the book she wanted me to write in her words, as well as the book I will one day publish in my words, laying out the final three months of her journey, before she took her final breath of life on earth.
I have sat and pondered for many days how to put into words that the world could understand how much I miss Gracie and the long for the days we sat together laying out her short life so that one day I can give the world the story of her journey. It has been frustrating to not be able to relay in written words how heavy my heart has been with her gone from the physical world. As an aspiring journalist I find it very sad that I cannot express this pain to those that have chosen to follow my blogs relating to Gracie.
"Jett, look into my eyes and tell me what you see" are the words that keep coming back through my mind as I try to express my longing for having Gracie back on earth with me. It reminded me of the many times we played this little game with each other. Sitting across from each other staring into each others eyes, describing what we see through them, deep into the depths of each others souls. I laughed when I thought about the day my friends Geo and Tommy rode with me to Gracie's house so she could say good-bye to them properly, knowing she would never see them again. How as we set around the table she sat in front of each one of us, on the table, reading their eyes for the last time. How she told Geo she could see he was going to marry Kaylee, his girlfriend, and they were going to have babies. When she scooted herself around the table to sit in front of Tommy and he refused to open his eyes because 'I don't want you to see babies in my future'.
Today if Gracie looked into my eyes she would see tears. Eyes filled with little beads of salted tear drops that came directly from a heart, bleeding drips of sadness. Sadness for the little eight year old child that taught a nineteen year old young man that life is not about quantity. Life is about the quality of each breath you take, and each breath you exhale. The child that taught that young man that friendships do take a life time to build, and in the short months I knew her, our friendship would last a life time. It just so happened that it would reach beyond the physical world and extend on into the spiritual world.
The lessons of life Gracie taught me keeps me going strong in my own journey. It does not come without many hours of grieving for her death, or longing to be with her again It does not come without tears and sadness. My security blanket in life is the memories of the good times I shared with all the people I loved who are now angels above me.
Gracie, my sweet little angel in the heavens above me, I know God placed you in my life for reasons I may never understand, but of this I am certain. Sharing the final months of your life with you has made me a better person, a better Christian, and a better friend to those still near me. I love you as big as my eyes can see, and as deep as my soul can reach. I feel your wings in the wind around me, I hear your giggle in the silence of the night air. I feel your love where ever I am. I see you feet hanging over the side of the fluffiest cloud in the sky. I love you Gracie, and I miss you like crazy. ~ Jett
