"How would your life be different if…
You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter?
Let today be the day…
You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.”
Every time I have lost a loved one to a breath beyond a breath of life I always think about how a piece of me has gone with them. I always felt a feeling of a piece of me missing now that I don't have them with me on my walk on earth. I have a reoccurring dream that I am walking along a long and narrow path and as I walk, with each step I take, a piece of me is left behind. Literally, a finger, a toe, a hand, an elbow. As I walk, parts of my body just fall off. I have never made it to the end of that path but each time in this dream journey I go a little further and lose a little more of this shell I live in. It is a dark and lonely path, even though it is lined with people on earth who love me.
I always manage to wake up as I am running out of people on either side of that path. I look beyond them to empty spaces that no doubt once held more people I love and who love me. When I wake up from this dream I think about who I no longer see along the path I am walking on. Who was there the last time I dreamt this, and who is no longer there. In this dream, or these dreams I never see anyone on the path, never pass anyone, that has already gone before me. While I am dreaming I look closely at their faces to see if anyone already gone will appear, but so far none have.
It is always one of those dreams where you think maybe if I fall back asleep I will continue where I left off and I can reach the end of that narrow path and figure out what this is all about. So I try, but if any of you know me even a little bit, you know about my poor sleeping habits where there are nights I don't sleep at all. It just never happens that I can fall back asleep once I have woken up. So I just lay there and think about the meaning of this dream, or if there is any meaning to it all.
I had that dream last night. It seems as soon as I fell asleep I had this dream. When I woke up from it I had only been asleep for twenty minutes, which is surprising because it always feels like I am on that path, taking that walk, for hours. I laid there trying to figure out what the pieces falling off of me represent. That had me thinking about how I (and several others I am sure) say that when we lose someone a piece of us goes with them. I thought about each death I have experienced when I was old enough to actually repeat that phrase and feel that piece missing.
Why do I feel as if 'a part of me' is missing? I haven't left, I am still here. It is my loved one that left. Have they perhaps left 'a part of them' behind with me? Yes I concluded, they have left the memories of our time together behind for all of those who loved them to share, keeping a piece of them with us, even though they are gone. I thought again about 'a part of me' that went with them. Maybe it has in a way and maybe it is a part of me that I won't miss. Maybe I let a small piece of me go to be with them on their journey to an eternal life with God.
I don't have that answer, but I do know this, if a piece of me went with my loved ones each time they died, it wasn't the piece that they loved the most about me. I still carry those pieces with me. I share them with new friends and new family members that come along my way. It would not have been a piece of me I need, I still have some living to do. I learned from a very smart little eight year old girl that our hearts are HUGE and it will never be filled to its full capacity so we should keep filling it up with all the love we can. (Go ahead, prove her wrong. I am trying to." R.I.P. Amazing Gracie, love you forever.)
I feel we are all made up of pieces of the people in our lives. Pieces of their hearts, their souls, their minds. Pieces of their character, pieces of their history. I'm a firm believer that you are what you eat in life. If you hang around with great influences, you learn the importance of you yourself being one. If you hang around with highly spirited individuals, you to become spirited. If you hang around with positive people, you yourself tend to be a more positive person. As hard as it is, it is important to not include others in your life that are not happy for who you are and do not allow you to be the best you that you can be.
That is hard in today's world where everyone seems to want to point out the weakness's of others. Everyone seems to have the desire to in all ways, be better then everyone else. Some people focus so much on how important they are to the world, they forget that others are also just as important to the world. There is a big difference between self confidence where you feel great about who you are, and lack of love for yourself where you find fault with everyone and everything to make yourself feel better about who you are.
Trying to be who you are is difficult enough and when you figure in the way others treat you it becomes impossible. The easiest way to be confident in who you are, is let others be who they are too. Don't get so wrapped up in your own happiness that you forget to be happy for others as well. The only part of us that will leave the earth when we die is our soul. We might as well leave pieces of ourselves in others so when they bury our bodies, there are pieces of who we were still walking the earth. I know I strive to leave good memories behind me in my path. I would like to be remembered in a positive way where others can remember how I touched their lives in positive ways.
I would like to think this reoccurring dream I have is a picture, a road map, of my soul heading towards eternal life. As it does, pieces of me are being left behind for those in my life, those that have crossed my path. Memories for them of how well I treated them, how much I loved them. I don't know what this dreams means, like I said, maybe it means nothing. I do know that it at least holds value in getting me thinking about my happiness and the happiness of others. I know how I feel when my feelings get crushed, when my dreams get laughed at, when I get judged for living life for who I am and not who others want me to be. I hope I never leave anyone feeling hurt and that the times I do I recognize what I have done and I fix it, and learn from it.
“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.”
