"You know Jett, everyone you love and that loves you back
is only ever just a heartbeat away from you."
"Even when the people you love are in heaven Gracie?"
"Well duh. You get to take your heart with you when you go."
I have been missing the absence of Joey in my life since he took his last breath on earth, the breath beyond a breath of life, that landed his spirit and soul in the heavens above. Today was one of those days I was just going to miss him the whole day long. Every where I turned there was a reminder of Joey's time on earth.
I woke up at 4am this morning from a dream I was having from back in the day. I was dreaming of the time when Joey and I walked to our Aunt Shelia's house who lived on the same street as we did, Lemon Street. Aunt Shelia lived exactly two blocks east of our house on Lemon Street. Our cross street was Bushnell and her's was Seger. Aunt Shelia is our Mom's sister and her husband is Bob. Joey used to tell our Mom, "where going to visit Bob Seger". Bob Seger was one of Joey's favorite artists, he and Mikey used to sit out back in the yard on Bushnell Ave, drink beer, and listen to and sing to Bob Seger tunes. It used to make me laugh, of course lots of things Joey did used to make me laugh, he was a fun guy. I always thought it was so cool that my Uncle Bob's house lined Seger street. Simply for the fact that he was one of Joey's favorite singers. Then again, I idolized my brother even more then he did the famous great singer, Bob Seger.
This particular day's stroll to Aunt Shelia's house has crossed my mind several times over the years. I was ten and Joey was twenty. The big brother letting the little brother hang with him. He even specifically invited me to walk to Aunt Shelia's with him. I didn't have to ask if I could tag along this time. Joey hung down at Aunt Shelia's at least one day a week. She ran a home daycare and he used to go help her do crafts with the little's. Today I was going to help for the first time.
I cannot remember what day it was, what date it was, or even the month. I remember it was warm and it was during the summer. Aunt Shelia always had more kids to watch during the summer months. I cannot remember what craft project we even helped with. What I can remember is the smiles on the faces of the kids we helped that day. It was the first time I would witness Joey working with kids so little and they loved him beyond words. When I think of this day I remember how on that day I thought, wow, these kids feel happiness when Joey is around. The same happiness I feel when Joey comes around the Bushnell house to spend time with me.
So this morning when I woke up after that dream of Joey in my life, being the great big brother he was to me, I decided to just go for a jog, in the mist of a rain. IPOD loaded up and the first song that plays is THAT OLD TIME ROCK AND ROLL by none other then Bob Seger (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O-11bwa-b0). The song I used to hear Joey and Mikey sing and and dance to in the backyard at Bushnell Ave as I watched them from my bedroom window. I have a few of Seger's songs loaded on my IPOD, mostly because they were Joey's favorites. I smiled as I recalled my dream and how ironic it was that I was now listening to this song.
It would not end there, these sudden visual reminders of the days when Joey was still on God's earth with us. One thing after another all day long. The more I saw, the more I remembered, the more I missed him. As I jogged around the corner of the high school I saw a tall curly haired kid jogging across in front of me. Tall, like Joey. Curly hair, like Joey. I smiled, again, thinking about him. When I turned around to head back home I had to stand at the corner for a second, as a little black truck passed through the intersection. A nicer looking little black truck then Joey's old beat up little black truck, but non the less, another reminder of the brother that now lives a heartbeat away at all times.
Moment after moment, time after time, these reminders were popping up around me. It was not upsetting to me at all, in fact, it just made me smile more. When I got home tonight I was thinking about Sunday, Father's Day, and if I was ready with everything I had planned for Jake, my dad. I thought about Joey and how much of life on earth he was missing out on. The nieces and nephews he would never meet until their last breaths on earth were inhaled, and exhaled. The kids that Joey would never have, making him a father. I thought about those kids on Lemon and Seger back in Sioux City IA, how much love Joey had for them and they returned to him. I know Joey would make one great father to many kids someday, had God not chosen him to bring home to him so soon.
Honestly, this day gave me new hope in that one day I will marry and have a family. That I will be a great father to my children. Not because my birth dad was a great example of what a dad should be to his children. But because Joey loved kids and I know he would not have made the same poor choices in life when it came to raising a family. My brother Jordy is a great dad to Miss Olivia and Miss Jaci. Mikey is a great dad to Miss Abbey and Miss Izzy, to Channing (Bonkz) and Jimmy (Dude). I am surround by great fathers on earth, including Bill, who is Amazing Grace's father. Even though she is in heaven now, he still adores her and misses her like any father would. Uncle Bob is a great father to Kaylee and Kyle and loves them big. Then there is Jake.
Jake. My dad. The man who never fathered a child, yet raised me for the last six years as if I were his own. The man who never thought twice about sacrificing things in his life to make sure my needs were met. The man who has me wanting for nothing and needing even less. The man who promised Joey that he would take care of his little brother and never let either one of them down. Jake, my dad, my hero, my mentor and my friend.
Wishing all father figures in the world a blessed day on Sunday. Thank you for seeing beyond your wants and needs and making sure the sons and daughters in your world know they are loved. Your selfless ways are surely duly noted at the pearly gates, where God will welcome you with open arms, for providing a guiding hand in the lives of His children on earth. God Bless your hearts and souls, for because of you, His Kingdom will have no end. ~ Jett
