Amazing Grace XIX: Singing With Grace

I brought along my guitar today when I went to visit Grace at her home.  When I checked in with her mother prior to the visit, her mom told me that Grace was having a very blue day.  It was cold and dreary out, and the rain was just an annoying mist all day long.  If there were any sunshine at all, it was hidden deep behind the clouds that seemed to loom over the neighborhoods today.  I decided to grab my guitar and see if that might cheer my angel up a bit.  So I grabbed my git-box, hopped in my ride, and headed for the end of the rainbow.

Something you should know about Grace and I, is we spend a lot of time talking about God and his love for us.  I read passages out of the bible to her and then we talk about what each of us thinks the lesson is about.  With neither of us having any formal training in the history of religion, we both have many questions on the story of Jesus and his journey through biblical times.  I have always found it easier to explain things to people by using modern technology to provide examples of how things relate to our daily lives.  With Grace I have always used music and lyrics to help her see the messages of the world.

I have introduced Grace to Christian music because I felt many of the songs in that genre related to how Grace felt about her time on earth, and her journey to heaven.  For being eight, she had great insight to all that was good, and I felt she honestly had a better grip on all that was bad then anyone I could name, including myself.  She is driven by the lessons in life that lead to happiness and beauty.  She can take the clouds of a dreary day and push them aside so she can see the rainbow.  I always told her she is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, even if her rainbow contained the colors neon pink and lime green.

Today I found her laying in her room, on her bed, and covered up tight with winter heavy blankets.  It was in the 50's today, and even on the days it is in the 70s, Grace is cold.  She was watching the newest version of Footloose that I had given her yesterday.  She sees me with my guitar and turns off her movie as she greets me with a big smile and a tiny small half wave.  "You are Glummy Gus today Dude." I tell her.  "I know Jett, I wanted to be a Happy Harriet but I just have many things I am thinking about today."  She tells me as she sits up on her bed, still heavily covered up to stay snug and warm.

I sit in a chair that has been placed next to her bed recently, no doubt to give a seat to one of her parents as they read to her, or watch TV with her, or just sit and watch her sleep.  "I have a song I want to sing to you today Grace, and talk about the lyrics.  It is a song about God and how he is with us always. In fact, it is titled  HE IS WITH YOU."   "Do I know the singer?"  She asked me as if she was trying to place the song.  "No", I tell her, "we have not ever listened to this singer before.  She is a Gospel singer. Her name is Mandisa."  She sits a bit taller in her bed.  "Sing it to me Jett."  I sing the song to her, and when I am done, I take out my notebook with the lyrics written on a page in it.  We read the lyrics together, once, then again.  She has me sing them to her again.  Then she wants me to play while she sings the words.  She rips the page out of my notebook and carefully folds it and puts it under her pillow.  "I like Mandisa", she tells me, "she tells that song good.  Thank you for sharing her with me today."

We mess around a bit more with me playing the guitar and Grace singing like a super star.   A couple hours have passed and Grace feels like she needs to rest so she can spend some time with her parents tonight.  "We are going to watch Footloose again, and have pizza and milk."  I tell her I am happy she likes the movies, and purposely fail to mention how glad I am that I am not in her father shoes.  I have a five year old nephew who is on his third copy of How to Train a Dragon with no end in sight.  We have seen it countless times and we all know it by heart.  It is time for me to go and we say our goodbyes.  "I will see you tomorrow Happy Harriet, we will plan our date out for this weekend."  I head out the door and when I am about four steps away I hear her TV go on and the music to Footloose begins.  Great, now I have the theme song churning in my head.  All the way home I am singing it but as annoying as it is to have a song stuck in your head, I can't help but smile.  We made a new memory and for the rest of my life when I hear that song, or watch that movie, I will forever remember the 110 minutes of silence, laying on the sofa with Grace, watching that movie together.  It was worth it, and I would do it all over again.

Grace and I would like to share Mandisa's song with our reader friends.  Copy and past this link and listen to 'He Is With You'.   I invite you to go through your day tomorrow, and when you lose a bit of faith along the way due to a struggle you face, remember ... He Is With You.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6hnmFbnGc4&feature=fvsr)

Amazing Grace XVIII: A Bucket List Visit

I was excited for the afternoon to get here, so I could go visit more with Grace today.  My morning started out a bit gloomy, as I tossed and turned last night after finishing my blog from yesterday's visit.  It proved to be tougher than I thought it would be, and I was left laying in bed wondering if I could actually continue on with helping Grace tell the story of her journey. 

In the past few months we have spent countless hours writing her story, with a clear separation of the story she is telling the world of her life while alive, and the one she wants me to tell once she has died.  What started out to be an aspiring journalist searching for a human interest story turned into a bond between him and his subject that would prove to be stronger than either of them had anticipated.   The ground was laid pretty solid from the first time we met and I conducted our first 'interview' that this was business.  Grace would call the shots, and I would tell the story.  It seemed pretty cut and dry that day, that this would be a story that touched people's hearts about a young girl who had fallen victim to cancer.   The story would be written by two, read by many, and I would be in and out of this assignment and onto the next once this story had been told.

Little did I know that a few months after beginning this journey, I would find myself connected to the life of Grace in such a dynamic fashion.  I never imagined that today I would be feeling both the excitement of being on my way to visit my little friend and the sadness of the realization that I am one day closer to the end of my journey with her.  I will miss the hours of laughs, the hours of tears, and the hours of silence we have shared together.  I will miss her sassy bossy attitude and the times she has backed me into a corner regarding my attitude.  I will treasure forever our talks about religion and the capacity of faith and courage she has shown me I am capable of obtaining.  I will miss the hours she has spent, filling my heart with love of life, hers, mine, and everyone's I meet.

Now that the months have turned into weeks and weeks are fast becoming days, we both find ourselves anxious about the time we have left together.   Grace wanting to put the finishing touches on her end of the story we are writing, and me wanting to provide Grace with all the things she has added to her bucket lists of things to accomplish before she trades in her life on earth, for an eternal life beyond.  We have pinky swore to so many promises to each other, that that alone will take up a whole chapter in the story of her life.  As will the lists she has created to share with us her wants, and can not haves, the accomplishments she has made, and those she wishes to, but time will not allow for them to be completed.

I find myself on her front porch today, excited to spend a few hours with her.  I am armed with a box under my left arm, and a gift bag in my right hand.  I had already left instructions for her to be well rested, because today she would need her strength to make it to the end of our visit.  When I enter her house, she is standing in the doorway between the entryway, and the family room.  "You are late Jett, and you know that I am not happy when people are late."  She tries to be bossy with me, but I can see the smile trying to peek out behind her frown.  "I am sorry Grace, but I had to find the perfect bag for your gift."   She folds her arms in front of her as if to prove the point that she is not happy with my answer.  "Did you bring me more jelly doughnuts?  Seven of them?"  Buttons, she finds them, then she pushes them.  I put myself in a stance to let her know, RUN, because I am going to get you for that.  I hear a little girl scream as she darts off and I take chase, running from room to room 'trying' to catch her.  I stop, so she will, and I ask her if she would like to see the gift I brought for her today.  "What is it?" She asks.  I hand her the gift bag, bright neon pink, because that is her favorite color of the rainbow.   We already had that argument and I will tell you, she won.  I tried to tell her pink is not a color of the rainbow and she responded with "it is in my rainbow".

She opens the bag and pulls out two movies.  Footloose the original, and Footloose the modern version.  She drops them on the floor and screams, as she comes running at me.  "You are the best friend EVER!"  I get a huge baby bear hug, one I return, keeping in mind that baby bear hugs are all I can give back, because a papa bear hug might break her.  It brings a huge smile to my face, I did it, I thought to myself.  We had talked about movies briefly, because Grace has not seen a lot of movies outside the barbie world.  The title of this movie came up a few weeks ago in a conversation we had regarding dancing.  We talked several times about how she will dance in heaven, even though she cannot dance here on earth.  I told her the story behind the movie of Footloose and how they used the bible to try to convince their parents in the movie that dancing is good.  Dancing is a celebration of life, and in the bible we should celebrate life. 

I took the blue-ray player out of its box and hooked it up to their flat screen.  As I was doing this we talked about the movie and she asked me if I had seen it.  I told her about how before my friend Kristy and I decided to be friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, she had gotten mad with me because I had no desire to see this movie.  It was a girly movie I tried to explain to Kristy, and she tried to explain to me that she wanted to rent it and since we were dating, I was obligated to see it, after all, she did not like hockey but would come and watch my games.  I found it adorable and endearing how when I would tell Grace stories about my life, she would glue her eyes to me, and listen intently to each word I spoke.  I always felt that she was trying to look into a future she would never have, and get a feel for what she would be missing out on.

We would watch the old Footloose movie first, it was declared, because that is the one I had already seen, and Grace wanted us to watch the new version together, after both of us having seen the older version.  We watched the first one as we laid together on the sofa, Grace at one end, and me at the other, covered up with her Disney Princess blanket.  I kept an eye on Grace, to make sure if she fell asleep I could stop the movie, but with the amount of intense concentration she had on it as it played, I knew she would not be drifting off so easily.  We watched the entire length of this movie in silence, all 110 minutes of it.  I liked that we were comfortable enough with each other to do this. 

"What did you think of the movie Gracie?"  I asked as we sat up on the sofa next to each other.  "I like it lots Jett.  I like how much happiness Ariel let herself have, even though her brother died."  I agreed with her.  "Did you like watching it again Jett?"  She asked.  "I like Ren in this movie, he never gave up, when he easily could have."  We talked about the movie a bit more and how much Grace liked the fun dances.  "I like them cowgirl boots those girls wore Jett.  I should put them on my list of things I wanted but will not have."  I look at those tiny feet next to me sticking straight out from the sofa with the pink fuzzy slippers on them.  "Dude, your slippers rock harder than those cowgirl kicks."  I tell her.  Grace looks at me with that face I get when she thinks I'm being stupid.  "Dude?  I am a girl, not a dude.  Kicks?  They are boots not kicks.  Just like your name, you talk funny."  She tells me.  I just smile because she has made it a study to learn more about the language I use that often has to be explained to her what I am talking about.  "OK, I like you called them kicks, and I like you call my hats lids.  But seriously?  Dude?"

Grace's mom has made us PBJ sandwiches and poured us milk.  We sit at the kitchen table and eat together.  "Would you like my mommy to make you six more sandwiches Dude?"  She says this with a big grin on her face.   I just ignore her, which sends her into giggles.  "Tell me a story about Kristy that is not your girlfriend Jett."   Grace has not yet met Kristy but she is on her list of my peeps she would like to meet.  Truth be known, I am petrified to introduce them.   Who knows what stories they will tell each other, and some of them might include things I've told Grace, in little sister fashion, that she might repeat to Kristy.  I share with her the story of how we went to school together, and how we often ate lunch together and how I was afraid to ask her out, because I didn't think she would say yes.  "You are silly Jett, if I were Kristy I would say yes to a date with you."  Fine, I thought, I think I'll test this statement out.  "Grace?  Would you like to go out on a date night with me?  Just the two of us?  Dinner and maybe we could go see a movie?"

She just sits there, finishing her sandwich and milk.  I get no answer what so ever.  We clear the table and Grace said she is tired, and I should read our blog to her from yesterday, and talk about someone that is following her journey with us.  She lays on her bed as I read our blog out loud to her.  I talk to her about someone new who is reading our blogs.  She is tired and I can see her eyes getting sleepier and sleepier.  After a few more instructions from Gracie, I kiss her goodbye and head for the door.  "Jett", she stops me.  "Yes Dude?"  She rolls those pretty little tired eyes at me.  "Yes. I would like to go on a real date with you."  I smile at Grace and tell her I am happy she decided to say yes.  We will plan it for this weekend, and talk more about it tomorrow.  She gives me a little half wave with that little hand that will never get any bigger and closes her eyes.  I go get her movies and take them to her and lay them next to her as she sleeps.  I hope she dreams about the music and dancing she loved so much in these movies.

As I head home I make a mental note to call Kristy, and tell her I watched Footloose with another girl.  And I am sorry that I grumped about it so badly when she wanted to watch it together.  I told her how that movie had gotten me a date with my little Gracie.  Had I known how happy it would make a girl to watch that movie with her before today, I would have offered to rent it for her before she even mentioned it to me. 

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
(Ecclesiastes 3:4)