The following entry in Ce'dric's notebook were his final thoughts, words, and actions as he played out his final day on earth. Today I turned the notebook back over to his father, who will one day give the opportunity to Avery and Adrian as to if they wish to read Ce'drics final thoughts. I don't know if I will ever come to terms with how my buddy decided to leave earth. I don't know if I can find the respect for his actions. I don't know if I will forgive him the lies and secrets he kept from me. I do know I will never forget who Ce'dric was to me in my life. The friendship he offered, the life he shared. Suicide did not make him less of a friend, less of a brother, less of a son, a cousin, a grandson. Suicide took him away from being a physical presence in the lives of those who loved him, but it did not take away the spirit he left behind to comfort our sad sorrowful souls. There was not going to be anyone that could of stopped him.
"It is what is it, so let it be."
June 22, 2010. It was a Tuesday and me and the boys loaded up in a couple cars and headed off to the rink. Free skating for fun. We liked free skating on the ice every now and then verses the grind of playing a game of hockey. No rules, no penalty's, no pressures, no fights.
It is the day I first laid eyes on Alana and for the next almost three years we would be exclusive to each other in our love for one another. Three years from that date I find myself anxiously waiting for tonight when I will join my sweet Alana and the plan that was crushed on earth will thrive in heaven, where we will spend a promise to each of eternity together.
June 22, 2013. It is Saturday and I have waited for this day to arrive for weeks. Carefully planned and well executed thus far. Today I will spend the entire day with my family, celebrating my mom's birthday. It sucks really that the day so special for me in my life happens to fall on the day of my mom's birthday. That is the only thing I will apologize to anyone for. I'm sorry mom, that it has to end today. You are my world, but Alana is my universe.
My agenda is in place for today.
Make breakfast with my brothers for our parents, our first gift to mom. CHECK
A small luncheon with some close friends of my mom to celebrate her day. CHECK
Cake and ice cream to top off our day together as a family before Mom and Dad head out for the evening. CHECK
Our final gift to mom was a dinner and a movie to follow, just her and dad, out on the town. CHECK
A goodbye to Avery and Adrian for the evening. I have a few errands to run. Be good, be in bed before mom and dad get home. CHECK
Put the letters a wrote to them each on moms dresser so they will find them in the morning. CHECK
Leave moms special birthday gift from me on her dresser, a CD of our life since we got to Boston. CHECK
Drive to the rink where I will leave my truck with the letters for each mean girl on the windshield. CHECK
Take a cab to Alana's grave site.CHECK
Leave this world in search of the girl I lost, so we can be together forever ...
... CHECKING OUT
