Jan 1, 2015, I married Katie in a private ceremony with two witnesses. Oct of 2015 we renewed that union and held a small reception for family and close friends. On Sept 16, 2016 I was a married man living a single life. I can explain.
Katie found me when I was in the darkest place in my life I had ever been. We had known each other since I was a sophomore in high school and Katie was a junior. We did not hang out together, we ran in different social circles but we had common friends. So on occasion we ended up in the same place at the same time to hang with the same crowd. I had a steady girl and everyone assumed one day we would get married. One person in my life did not feed into my proclaimed love for Kristy. I did not know that until the day I broke up with Kristy and my friend told me she never felt that Kristy was 'the one' for me. That friend was Kim, the person in my life that knew me better than anyone ever did, ever could, or ever would.
Kim was the one person in life that 'got me'. The one person in my life that never left me. Never gave up on me, and never put up with my crap. When I met Kim through a mutual friend she was in her mid to upper 30's. From the very beginning I felt comfortable with Kim and telling her all my secrets, that good the bad and the ugly. Kim never judged, always gave great advice and for the first time in my life the only person who could tell me she loved me and made me feel like she meant it.
Kim and I could fight, oh boy, could we argue. She was always right but I wasn't having any of that. She knew which buttons to push too, but that wasn't always a bad thing. I trusted Kim, I valued her opinion and I trusted her advice when she offered it regarding blogging my story. Not just the story of Gracie, who was a college project, at first at least. But my story, the story of Jett and how his life went from a happy little boy, to a victim of family abuse, to a survivor. Kim was the biggest part of my survivor story, because of her support I concurred many sleepless nights, many nightmares.
Every death that crossed my path, Kim was there for me to help me move on, to let me mourn, from being angry to broken, from lost to found. Every death except her own. I had no one to help me through the fear of losing the first person who accepted me for who I am and helped me find my way back each time I got lost in a world I felt was against me.
When I realized Katie was the girl I wanted in my life forever, Kim approved. When Katie decided to surprise me in Oct of 2015 with a vow renewal and reception, Kim approved. When Kim died in Sept of 2016, there was no one left to approve of my next move. I always talked things over with Kim regarding my marriage and my relationship with Katie. I wanted to make sure I was getting it right but when Kim left, I didn't think I was doing anything right. I decided to just work all the time. I let Katie do all our planning. Be here at this time, be there at that time. I just showed up when she told me to. I moved forward, I just didn't move on. It was as if a married couple were living single lives until we needed to be somewhere together at the same time.
We both felt it, I knew it, Katie knew it, but neither of us moved on. At least not together. We were doing all the right things, weddings, birthday parties, church, work, but at night, at home, we did our own thing. I think that will surprise a lot of the people we know when they read this. Even the Misfit family didn't really see it. But I knew and I knew Kim was more than likely very disappointed in me. She made sure I knew before she died that we all needed to move on. not just forward, but onward.
About 4 months ago I was at home, in my man cave when I heard Katie crying. My first instinct was to talk to Kim. Ask her what should I do Kim? What am I doing wrong Kim? Kim help me, I'm lost again. Kim fix me again I am still broken. I knew I had to go find Katie, find out what was wrong. Long story short, Katie was feeling like a married woman living a single life. We both felt it. I felt horrible, I knew this was my doing. Katie was so dedicated to our marriage that she just let so much slide when it came to me. She wanted more from our marriage, she wanted back what we had on the first day of our life as a married couple. And so did I.
We talked straight through the night, evaluating what we had and how we could salvage the weak areas of our life together. I finally told her, it is me. I need to stop moving forward without moving on. I needed to be part of life, not just exist in it. I needed to be to Katie what I promised to be the day I asked her to marry me. We both knew it would not be easy but with hard work and commitment to the marriage, our life together, we would be ok. I told Katie she needs to learn from Kim and not put up with my crap. Katie told me I need to let Kim back in and keep my promise to her. To keep sharing what I have in my heart with the world because only then, just like Kim has told me a gazillion times, would I be free to move on.
The last 4 months have been amazing. I am crazy in love with my wife and my life. I miss Kim so much and cry for her often but those are the times I need to remember she is embedded in my heart.
I look forward to sharing my life with Kim stories with the world. I want the world to know her like I knew her. I want the world to know, there are angels on earth, as sure as there are angels in heaven.
My Pooh lives on and I will move on with her in my life as I continue to live a married life ... with children to carry on where one day I will leave off.
Katie found me when I was in the darkest place in my life I had ever been. We had known each other since I was a sophomore in high school and Katie was a junior. We did not hang out together, we ran in different social circles but we had common friends. So on occasion we ended up in the same place at the same time to hang with the same crowd. I had a steady girl and everyone assumed one day we would get married. One person in my life did not feed into my proclaimed love for Kristy. I did not know that until the day I broke up with Kristy and my friend told me she never felt that Kristy was 'the one' for me. That friend was Kim, the person in my life that knew me better than anyone ever did, ever could, or ever would.
Kim was the one person in life that 'got me'. The one person in my life that never left me. Never gave up on me, and never put up with my crap. When I met Kim through a mutual friend she was in her mid to upper 30's. From the very beginning I felt comfortable with Kim and telling her all my secrets, that good the bad and the ugly. Kim never judged, always gave great advice and for the first time in my life the only person who could tell me she loved me and made me feel like she meant it.
Kim and I could fight, oh boy, could we argue. She was always right but I wasn't having any of that. She knew which buttons to push too, but that wasn't always a bad thing. I trusted Kim, I valued her opinion and I trusted her advice when she offered it regarding blogging my story. Not just the story of Gracie, who was a college project, at first at least. But my story, the story of Jett and how his life went from a happy little boy, to a victim of family abuse, to a survivor. Kim was the biggest part of my survivor story, because of her support I concurred many sleepless nights, many nightmares.
Every death that crossed my path, Kim was there for me to help me move on, to let me mourn, from being angry to broken, from lost to found. Every death except her own. I had no one to help me through the fear of losing the first person who accepted me for who I am and helped me find my way back each time I got lost in a world I felt was against me.
When I realized Katie was the girl I wanted in my life forever, Kim approved. When Katie decided to surprise me in Oct of 2015 with a vow renewal and reception, Kim approved. When Kim died in Sept of 2016, there was no one left to approve of my next move. I always talked things over with Kim regarding my marriage and my relationship with Katie. I wanted to make sure I was getting it right but when Kim left, I didn't think I was doing anything right. I decided to just work all the time. I let Katie do all our planning. Be here at this time, be there at that time. I just showed up when she told me to. I moved forward, I just didn't move on. It was as if a married couple were living single lives until we needed to be somewhere together at the same time.
We both felt it, I knew it, Katie knew it, but neither of us moved on. At least not together. We were doing all the right things, weddings, birthday parties, church, work, but at night, at home, we did our own thing. I think that will surprise a lot of the people we know when they read this. Even the Misfit family didn't really see it. But I knew and I knew Kim was more than likely very disappointed in me. She made sure I knew before she died that we all needed to move on. not just forward, but onward.
About 4 months ago I was at home, in my man cave when I heard Katie crying. My first instinct was to talk to Kim. Ask her what should I do Kim? What am I doing wrong Kim? Kim help me, I'm lost again. Kim fix me again I am still broken. I knew I had to go find Katie, find out what was wrong. Long story short, Katie was feeling like a married woman living a single life. We both felt it. I felt horrible, I knew this was my doing. Katie was so dedicated to our marriage that she just let so much slide when it came to me. She wanted more from our marriage, she wanted back what we had on the first day of our life as a married couple. And so did I.
We talked straight through the night, evaluating what we had and how we could salvage the weak areas of our life together. I finally told her, it is me. I need to stop moving forward without moving on. I needed to be part of life, not just exist in it. I needed to be to Katie what I promised to be the day I asked her to marry me. We both knew it would not be easy but with hard work and commitment to the marriage, our life together, we would be ok. I told Katie she needs to learn from Kim and not put up with my crap. Katie told me I need to let Kim back in and keep my promise to her. To keep sharing what I have in my heart with the world because only then, just like Kim has told me a gazillion times, would I be free to move on.
The last 4 months have been amazing. I am crazy in love with my wife and my life. I miss Kim so much and cry for her often but those are the times I need to remember she is embedded in my heart.
I look forward to sharing my life with Kim stories with the world. I want the world to know her like I knew her. I want the world to know, there are angels on earth, as sure as there are angels in heaven.
My Pooh lives on and I will move on with her in my life as I continue to live a married life ... with children to carry on where one day I will leave off.
