Heavenly Father, watch with us over your child Lars and grant that he may be restored to that perfect health which it is yours alone to give. Relieve his pain, guard him from all danger, restore to him your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise him up to a life of service to you.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
When I find myself walking the halls of Boston's Children Hospital it is a pretty sure bet that my heart is missing my little angel Gracie. One of my Pinky Promises to Gracie was that I would continue to visit the children in the hospital after Gracie ended her journey on earth and continued it in the heavens above. I have done it many times since Gracie died, but not near enough to really qualify as keeping that Pinky Promise to her. It's not a matter of time or lack thereof, but a matter of sadness.
I am saddened with all the reminders I relive when I walk the halls full of children burdened with illness's that some will survive, some may not, and others certainly will not. The very same halls I would walk when I went to visit Gracie on her treatment days, or the days when she needed to be there when her mother could not meet her medical needs at home. The same halls that took me through so many emotions as I walked by room after room. Laughter from this room and tears from that room. There are parents comforting their child and children comforting their parents. There are rooms with silence, the silence of a sleeping child, and the silence of parents that have no idea what to say. The passing of each door tells the story of the child occupying the room in that long hall that holds very few answers regarding the fate of an ill child.
There are waiting rooms full of family members, parents, siblings, grandparents and friends, each of them waiting their turn in visiting their little loved one. Their faces hold hope, faith, trust, and fear. They clutch Bibles and blankets and slippers for little feet. They hold dolls and toy cars that tell the story of how illness effects their sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, grandsons and granddaughters, effecting both genders, not discriminating against one or the other. There are nervous smiles to those new to this place and a calmness over those used to this process.
I walked my way through one hall, turning left onto the next and a sharp right as I pass a few more rooms occupied by children who knew their way around that place, accustom to the layout. Straight up the next hall, four doors to the left is where I would find myself. I stand outside the room I used to visit Gracie in many times. The memories race through my mind, of the days I would stand there and hear Gracie laugh and a few times cry. I remember the first time I visited her to introduce myself to her and get permission to share her story. A college project that turned into one of the greatest life's lesson I would ever learn. A college project that quickly turned into more then a grade, more then an assignment. A college project that would teach this college kid more about life than any single lesson he had ever had before.
It has been almost 1 1/2 years since my little Amazing Gracie left this journey and moved on to her eternal life with God. I can honestly say it seems like just yesterday I met her and we packed her eight years of life into a few short months of our friendship. I have never stopped loving Gracie and not one single day has passed that I did not pray for her soul and wish her a good night. I work endlessly on the book her and I wrote together so the world would know the story of her eight years of life as told by her and the story of her death as written by me. She is a daily part of my life and I am certain I am still a part of her spirit. My Amazing Grace guardian angel.
As I stood in front of that door today, hesitant to peek in, hesitant to go in, hesitant to see what story now lies beyond that door frame, a smile comes across my face. It is Gracie that led me here today, to that building, through those halls, landing in front of that room. It is Gracie holding me accountable to the Pinky Promise of visiting these children often.
I hear a faint little voice, "Hi".
"Hello," I say, "how are you today?"
Again, the faint voice of a child, "Just fine."
I walk into the room once occupied by my little Gracie. It is familiar yet void of the pinky deco that once fit the personality of a little girl who loved dolls, the color pink, and tons of blankets. They had been replaced with toy trucks, the color green, and sports cards.
"My name is Jett and I just stopped by to say hi", I said.
"You have a cool name. My name is Lars. Are you sick too?"
"I am not sick. I am sorry you are sick," I muttered, "I like your room."
"It is like my room at my house, it makes me feel comfortable," Lars said matter of fact.
I sat and talked with Lars for about an hour today. He told me all about his passion for soccer and baseball. Lars is eight. The same age as Gracie was when her soul lifted beyond this earth. Lars shared with me today that he has HIV/AIDS. That his birth mother was a drug addict and at birth he was born addicted to drugs and infected with the HIV virus. He was taken away from his mother at birth and adopted by a new mom and dad. Lars did not blink an eye as he told me his story. He went on about his love for the outdoors, his fondness of puppies, his skill for soccer. I enjoyed the spirit of this kid so much I was surprised that the hour had passed so quickly.
"It was nice meeting you Lars. By the way, I think you have a cool name as well," I offered up.
"It was fun talking to you, thank you for visiting me today", he said.
I stood up to leave and say goodbye and as I turned towards Lars he had his hand extended out to shake mine.
"It is OK if you do not want to shake hands Jett, lots of people do not because I am sick."
I took his hand in mine and shook it like we had been friends forever.
"You don't scare me and I bet I could beat you at soccer too," I told him.
"No, you can not," Lars said with confidence, "You are old and slow and I am fast and little."
I walked towards the door, smiling because he's funny, shaking my head because he's right.
"Jett? If you come back and visit and I am still here you can stop and see me some more."
"I'll be back and I'll look for you here. Right now I'm going to practice my soccer skills, so when you get out of here I can prove to you I'm really not that old."
A final wave from me to Lars, and him to me, and I walked out of that room for the last time thinking about it being Gracie's room. I realized in that short hour that this room has treated a lot of kids and more then likely will treat a lot more even after Lars is no longer connected to it.
I will return to that building and those halls, walking by those rooms that hold the lives of the Littles of the world. Some will walk out and never return, some will come and go for treatments and some will be carried out after their souls have drifted up to heaven. I will continue to work on my Pinky Promise to Gracie and visit those children as often as I can. I will visit Lars again and him and I will one day kick that soccer ball around for real, and he will probably be better at it than I ever could be.
Thank you Gracie, for all you gave me while on this earth with me and also all you continue to give me from the heavens above. Miss you deeply and love you dearly. You rock the halo!
