I knew when I left my house this morning to go to the hospital and visit Grace that this would be our last visit together. I thought about this all night long as I listened to the combination of music we had loaded on 'our' IPOD. I knew this on earth friendship was coming to and end from the very beginning. I also knew that this friendship that was coming to a close on earth, would continue as both Grace and I made our way along in our next journey. We would no longer be together in person, but our spirits would dance with each other forever.
I attended Mass this morning before I went up to see Grace. The hour I spent in church my thoughts were with Grace and what I would face today when I saw her. I thought about how our lives came together a few short months ago and how quickly we had become connected our our spiritual sides. Grace accepted everything at face value and questioned very little, holding onto, and keeping, her faith in the fate she faced. I always considered my faith strong and my beliefs in the after life solid. The death of my mom at the end of this past year had me questioning my own journey and at times I felt my faith was slipping away. It bothered me deeply that I questioned the path God had laid down in front of me. I still believed, I just struggled more on the why's and the how comes. I had my share of loses in my life with losing a sister, two brothers, and my mom. That was all before I ever got myself involved with church. I never knew how to mourn for the loss of loved ones, they were here, then they were gone, and my family just moved on.
I never really knew how to grieve, until my brother Joey died when I was 14. Even then, I did not know that grieving was what I was doing. I still had no one I could talk with about how much I missed my brother. I had Mikey, but he just cried, never really wanting to talk about it. I had my only living brother Jordy, who was willing to talk about it, but did not want to hear my 'nonsense' about how I could feel Joey was still with me. I had my mom, but years of physical and mental abuse left her emotionless when it came to the loss of any of her children. My dad donor was not someone who talked to me about anything, unless he needed the trash taken out or a body to abuse. The closest person I had that made me feel he understood my love for and how much I missed Joey, was Jake, who would become my dad when all others felt they could not take me on.
I've lost others since I have moved to Boston when I was 14. There was Old Joe and his wife Mary who were neighbors and I would spend time with playing chess and eating baked goods. There was Widow G who was the oldest person I would befriend in my brothers neighborhood who introduced me to hot tea and I introduced her to Mt Dew. There were more people who I crossed paths with since I moved to Boston, and because of that I knew how to mourn, how to move on, how to be thankful for the time we had together.
I suddenly found myself standing outside Grace's room at the hospital looking inside to find her parents sitting with her. I stepped in and looked towards Grace. When she saw me a smile came over her face and in a very weak voice she sassed me about how I was late. I asked her how can I be late girlfriend, we never set a time, you just told me to come up this morning. I looked at Grace's parents and I could see the sadness in their eyes, and I knew that they also knew, that today was the day. I often felt selfish for how much my heart ached and how much I did not want the end to come. Here were two people whose daughter was probably moments away from her last breath and I felt sorry for me because my little friend would soon be gone. They unselfishly stood and excused themselves, giving Grace and I privacy to say our goodbyes.
Grace was no longer able to sit herself up so I helped her by propping her little body up with pillows behind her. It seemed her color had completely gone ashen colored over night, and her green eyes were sunken further into her sockets. Her breathing was very labored and her the final sign of her death being near, was a rasp noise in her tiny chest as she breathed in and out.
"I love you Grace", was all I could mutter. "I love you too Jett", she responded. We talked a few minutes about all our pinky swears. Grace would remind me one final time to visit her parents often and make sure they are OK. She thanked me for letting her into my life and sharing all my family and friends with her. "Thank you for writing my story and thank all our readers for me that followed our blogs and wished me well", she stated. I thanked Grace for allowing me in her life as well, and sharing her family, and her family time, with me.
The day we met we would agree that I would ask Grace one question, and in turn she would ask me one as well. We had talked about this before and Grace and I wanted to end our tradition just like we started it. I would ask her one last question, she would answer it, and would ask me one last question. Grace handed me an envelope that she had written before she came to the hospital. It was a card, and on the envelope she had written JETT. "Ask my one more question Jett," she said. I took the card from Grace and held onto it tight. "What do you want our followers to know today Grace?"
"I want them to know that everyone should leave earth with a full heart. I want them to know that everyone should own a pair of pink fuzzy sleepers. I want them to know that Justin Bieber is pretty cool. I want them to know that the best gift you can give others is a piece of your heart and a kind word. I want them to know that you should not wait for someone to die before you show them you love them. I want them to know that you do not have to like someone to love them. I want them to know that it does not hurt and that I will see them all in heaven, after they get out of God's Park."
"Is there anything else Grace?", I asked. "Just that I love everyone and I am not mad I have to go first."
"My turn", she would say ending my question to her and getting ready to ask me one. "Will you remember me forever?" My eyes tear up quickly, "I will remember you always", I told her as I put my hand on her chest and put her hand on mine. "We are in each others hearts and we will be together forever." We hugged each other one last time, neither of us wanting to let go. We both knew we had to let go, so I could continue my journey on earth and she could continue hers beyond earth.
"Goodbye boy with the funny name Jett"
"Goodbye Amazing Grace"
I left her room and hugged both her parents before they returned to Grace for their own goodbyes. I admired how strong Grace stayed through the last few months of her life. I was thankful for being brought into her life so she could teach me about grace and faith and love. I would sit in the waiting room to try to collect my thoughts and gather the strength to drive myself home. I eased up the grip I had on the card she had given to me and opened it up.
"Marry Kristy" It said, the only other writing on this homemade card was "Love, your girlfriend".
It was an hour later when my dad came into my room as I laid on my bed with the card laying next to me. "Grace's dad just called buddy, Grace laid herself to rest. She is onto her next journey." He turned and left my room and I knew that Grace's death had effected my dad in a huge way as well.
I attended Mass this morning before I went up to see Grace. The hour I spent in church my thoughts were with Grace and what I would face today when I saw her. I thought about how our lives came together a few short months ago and how quickly we had become connected our our spiritual sides. Grace accepted everything at face value and questioned very little, holding onto, and keeping, her faith in the fate she faced. I always considered my faith strong and my beliefs in the after life solid. The death of my mom at the end of this past year had me questioning my own journey and at times I felt my faith was slipping away. It bothered me deeply that I questioned the path God had laid down in front of me. I still believed, I just struggled more on the why's and the how comes. I had my share of loses in my life with losing a sister, two brothers, and my mom. That was all before I ever got myself involved with church. I never knew how to mourn for the loss of loved ones, they were here, then they were gone, and my family just moved on.
I never really knew how to grieve, until my brother Joey died when I was 14. Even then, I did not know that grieving was what I was doing. I still had no one I could talk with about how much I missed my brother. I had Mikey, but he just cried, never really wanting to talk about it. I had my only living brother Jordy, who was willing to talk about it, but did not want to hear my 'nonsense' about how I could feel Joey was still with me. I had my mom, but years of physical and mental abuse left her emotionless when it came to the loss of any of her children. My dad donor was not someone who talked to me about anything, unless he needed the trash taken out or a body to abuse. The closest person I had that made me feel he understood my love for and how much I missed Joey, was Jake, who would become my dad when all others felt they could not take me on.
I've lost others since I have moved to Boston when I was 14. There was Old Joe and his wife Mary who were neighbors and I would spend time with playing chess and eating baked goods. There was Widow G who was the oldest person I would befriend in my brothers neighborhood who introduced me to hot tea and I introduced her to Mt Dew. There were more people who I crossed paths with since I moved to Boston, and because of that I knew how to mourn, how to move on, how to be thankful for the time we had together.
I suddenly found myself standing outside Grace's room at the hospital looking inside to find her parents sitting with her. I stepped in and looked towards Grace. When she saw me a smile came over her face and in a very weak voice she sassed me about how I was late. I asked her how can I be late girlfriend, we never set a time, you just told me to come up this morning. I looked at Grace's parents and I could see the sadness in their eyes, and I knew that they also knew, that today was the day. I often felt selfish for how much my heart ached and how much I did not want the end to come. Here were two people whose daughter was probably moments away from her last breath and I felt sorry for me because my little friend would soon be gone. They unselfishly stood and excused themselves, giving Grace and I privacy to say our goodbyes.
Grace was no longer able to sit herself up so I helped her by propping her little body up with pillows behind her. It seemed her color had completely gone ashen colored over night, and her green eyes were sunken further into her sockets. Her breathing was very labored and her the final sign of her death being near, was a rasp noise in her tiny chest as she breathed in and out.
"I love you Grace", was all I could mutter. "I love you too Jett", she responded. We talked a few minutes about all our pinky swears. Grace would remind me one final time to visit her parents often and make sure they are OK. She thanked me for letting her into my life and sharing all my family and friends with her. "Thank you for writing my story and thank all our readers for me that followed our blogs and wished me well", she stated. I thanked Grace for allowing me in her life as well, and sharing her family, and her family time, with me.
The day we met we would agree that I would ask Grace one question, and in turn she would ask me one as well. We had talked about this before and Grace and I wanted to end our tradition just like we started it. I would ask her one last question, she would answer it, and would ask me one last question. Grace handed me an envelope that she had written before she came to the hospital. It was a card, and on the envelope she had written JETT. "Ask my one more question Jett," she said. I took the card from Grace and held onto it tight. "What do you want our followers to know today Grace?"
"I want them to know that everyone should leave earth with a full heart. I want them to know that everyone should own a pair of pink fuzzy sleepers. I want them to know that Justin Bieber is pretty cool. I want them to know that the best gift you can give others is a piece of your heart and a kind word. I want them to know that you should not wait for someone to die before you show them you love them. I want them to know that you do not have to like someone to love them. I want them to know that it does not hurt and that I will see them all in heaven, after they get out of God's Park."
"Is there anything else Grace?", I asked. "Just that I love everyone and I am not mad I have to go first."
"My turn", she would say ending my question to her and getting ready to ask me one. "Will you remember me forever?" My eyes tear up quickly, "I will remember you always", I told her as I put my hand on her chest and put her hand on mine. "We are in each others hearts and we will be together forever." We hugged each other one last time, neither of us wanting to let go. We both knew we had to let go, so I could continue my journey on earth and she could continue hers beyond earth.
"Goodbye boy with the funny name Jett"
"Goodbye Amazing Grace"
I left her room and hugged both her parents before they returned to Grace for their own goodbyes. I admired how strong Grace stayed through the last few months of her life. I was thankful for being brought into her life so she could teach me about grace and faith and love. I would sit in the waiting room to try to collect my thoughts and gather the strength to drive myself home. I eased up the grip I had on the card she had given to me and opened it up.
"Marry Kristy" It said, the only other writing on this homemade card was "Love, your girlfriend".
It was an hour later when my dad came into my room as I laid on my bed with the card laying next to me. "Grace's dad just called buddy, Grace laid herself to rest. She is onto her next journey." He turned and left my room and I knew that Grace's death had effected my dad in a huge way as well.
I Believe Skip Ewing/Donny Kees Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin I feel you come back again And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side Like the tears were never cried Like the hands of time are holding you and me And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need There are more than angels watching over me I believe, I believe Chorus That when you die your life goes on It doesn’t end here when you’re gone Every soul is filled with light It never ends and if I’m right Our love can even reach across eternity I believe, I believe Forever, you’re a part of me Forever, in the heart of me And I’ll hold you even longer if I can The people who don’t see the most Say that I believe in ghosts And if that makes me crazy, then I am ‘Cause I believe There are more than angels watching over me I believe, I believe
