I wanted to share a few of my early blogs with you before I started this blog spot and only posted notes via Facebook. I left them as is and opted out of editing them at all. - Jett
RIP (Written: Thursday, Feb 7, 2008
A year ago today my brother died. He died of lung cancer at the age of 24. I don't understand how someone can die of lung cancer when he never smoked. I don't understand why someone so young has to leave this world when all he was doing was living a good life.
It wasn't even an accident that he died, like when my brother Jayson died in a car accident when a drunk driver hit him head on. He was coming home from his last year of college for his Christmas break. He died in an instant, and they told my family he probably felt very little pain if any at all.
It wasn't even an accident that he died, like when my baby sister Jacilynn died when my uncle accidently back over her in his driveway when she was only 4. She was too little to know what happened to her and died with-in two hours of her accident.
Joey had to suffer for almost a year before he died. My family had to watch Joey die. All these people tried so hard to save his life and he fought hard to just keep on living. He wanted to keep on living but he never showed us he was afraid to die. We were all more scared for him than he was for himself. Even on the worse day of his pain, he never complained about how sick he was.
I remember the day that Joey died. My mom and dad, my brother Jordy, Joey's best friend Mikey, and me were with him. We didn't know he was gonna die that day, until Mikey stood next to Joey's bed. They didn't say a word to each other. Joey took Mikey's hand and they just looked at each other. It was like they were thinking the same. Then Joey said "see you on the other side bro, take care of the girls".
I remember my mom just kissed Joey on the cheek, and a tear rolled down her face. I never seen her cry since than. I remember Jordy wiping away his tears, kissing Joey goodbye, hugging Mikey real tight. He don't let me see him cry now, but I know he does. I remember my dad walking out of the room, without acknowledging Joey even dying. Just like when Jayson died, no tears at all. I just sat down in a chair and looked at Joey, I didn't know what to do. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't do anything.
I remember Mikey begging Joey not to go. That they had so much more to do. All the pacts that they made in life they had to finish. I remember thinking how much emotion Mikey was letting out. He was so sad. He was so mad. He was so helpless. He was so confused. He was so hurt. I remember him yelling at Joey, being mad at him. Calling him a quitter. Telling him he wouldn't do this to Joey so why was Joey doing it him. I never seen anyone cry as hard as Mikey did that day. I remember thinking to myself, what kind of friend are you to yell at your best friend like that?
For this whole year I never forgot any of the memories I have of my brother dying. Always searching for answers of why he had to die. Why him. Out of all the people in the world, why Joey? Turns out, I learned a lot from Mikey reacting to Joey the way he did. It's ok to show your love, hate, anger, confusion and tears. He didn't care that Joey was dying, he was going to let him know exactly how he felt about it. He didn't care what anyone thought about how he showed his love for Joey. Mikey just cared that Joey left this world understanding that he was leaving this world under Mikey's protests, and that someday he was going to have to answer for doing that.
So today, one year after you died Joey, I am telling you how sorry I am that I didn't know exactly how to let you go that day. I still don't have all the answers to why you had to leave and I probably never will. I still cry a lot because I miss you and I probably always will. I think about you every day and I really appreciate you meeting me in church when I need to talk things over with you. Thanks for leaving behind Mikey and Jake like you did, to watch over me and Jordy. Thanks for bringing Lucy into my life so I have a sister again. Thanks for bringing Jewels into my life so I have someone to tell me everything will be alright. Its like you knew that once you left us, me and Jordy would only have each other and our parents would cop out on us. Thanks for living the life you did, and not being afraid to go be with Jayson and Jacilynn, waiting for the day we can all be together again.
Tap tap tap
Love you brae
RIP (Written: Thursday, Feb 7, 2008
A year ago today my brother died. He died of lung cancer at the age of 24. I don't understand how someone can die of lung cancer when he never smoked. I don't understand why someone so young has to leave this world when all he was doing was living a good life.
It wasn't even an accident that he died, like when my brother Jayson died in a car accident when a drunk driver hit him head on. He was coming home from his last year of college for his Christmas break. He died in an instant, and they told my family he probably felt very little pain if any at all.
It wasn't even an accident that he died, like when my baby sister Jacilynn died when my uncle accidently back over her in his driveway when she was only 4. She was too little to know what happened to her and died with-in two hours of her accident.
Joey had to suffer for almost a year before he died. My family had to watch Joey die. All these people tried so hard to save his life and he fought hard to just keep on living. He wanted to keep on living but he never showed us he was afraid to die. We were all more scared for him than he was for himself. Even on the worse day of his pain, he never complained about how sick he was.
I remember the day that Joey died. My mom and dad, my brother Jordy, Joey's best friend Mikey, and me were with him. We didn't know he was gonna die that day, until Mikey stood next to Joey's bed. They didn't say a word to each other. Joey took Mikey's hand and they just looked at each other. It was like they were thinking the same. Then Joey said "see you on the other side bro, take care of the girls".
I remember my mom just kissed Joey on the cheek, and a tear rolled down her face. I never seen her cry since than. I remember Jordy wiping away his tears, kissing Joey goodbye, hugging Mikey real tight. He don't let me see him cry now, but I know he does. I remember my dad walking out of the room, without acknowledging Joey even dying. Just like when Jayson died, no tears at all. I just sat down in a chair and looked at Joey, I didn't know what to do. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't do anything.
I remember Mikey begging Joey not to go. That they had so much more to do. All the pacts that they made in life they had to finish. I remember thinking how much emotion Mikey was letting out. He was so sad. He was so mad. He was so helpless. He was so confused. He was so hurt. I remember him yelling at Joey, being mad at him. Calling him a quitter. Telling him he wouldn't do this to Joey so why was Joey doing it him. I never seen anyone cry as hard as Mikey did that day. I remember thinking to myself, what kind of friend are you to yell at your best friend like that?
For this whole year I never forgot any of the memories I have of my brother dying. Always searching for answers of why he had to die. Why him. Out of all the people in the world, why Joey? Turns out, I learned a lot from Mikey reacting to Joey the way he did. It's ok to show your love, hate, anger, confusion and tears. He didn't care that Joey was dying, he was going to let him know exactly how he felt about it. He didn't care what anyone thought about how he showed his love for Joey. Mikey just cared that Joey left this world understanding that he was leaving this world under Mikey's protests, and that someday he was going to have to answer for doing that.
So today, one year after you died Joey, I am telling you how sorry I am that I didn't know exactly how to let you go that day. I still don't have all the answers to why you had to leave and I probably never will. I still cry a lot because I miss you and I probably always will. I think about you every day and I really appreciate you meeting me in church when I need to talk things over with you. Thanks for leaving behind Mikey and Jake like you did, to watch over me and Jordy. Thanks for bringing Lucy into my life so I have a sister again. Thanks for bringing Jewels into my life so I have someone to tell me everything will be alright. Its like you knew that once you left us, me and Jordy would only have each other and our parents would cop out on us. Thanks for living the life you did, and not being afraid to go be with Jayson and Jacilynn, waiting for the day we can all be together again.
Tap tap tap
Love you brae
