I was thinking about Amazing Gracie today and how in the few short months I got to spend with her we became really close. I was always very thankful that her parents, Bill and Annie, allowed me to spend all that time with her. First at the hospital while she was preparing and receiving and recovering from her treatments then in their home where I would sit and visit with her almost daily. Gracie as you know was very ill and between the surgeries and treatments and medicines she always seemed so tired. I would sit next to her for hours as she slept just to get a some good moments with her.
Don't take me wrong, she was lively and awake often, mostly between treatments, and she was a little ball of fire. Even when she was as tired as she was she would fight sleep as long as she could so we could work more on the book we were writing, her about her life and me about her death. A lot of the time while I was sitting next to her waiting for her to wake up I would sift through the notes we made and put them in order on how I could envision them in the book that someday I will publish, keeping the pinky promise Gracie and I made together.
I remember each time I set off to visit her, whether at the hospital or in her home, I was always hopeful that she would be awake and we could have a nice long visit. I was often disappointed but I grew to love the time I was with her that she was sleeping or resting. It was awesome prayer time and I could reflect on the passages in the Bible that I was reading. I would decipher it to fit into mine and Gracie's world. First thing when she would wake up I would tell her what I had read and the lesson I received from that reading. And Gracie being Gracie would let me know if she thought I was right on in my thinking or whether she thought I was just plain silly for coming to that conclusion.
It is very difficult to remember that an extremely ill person has very little control over their schedule. They can become exhausted with the regimen of appointments and treatments and traveling they are expected to do. It is hard not to be selfish about wanting them time. It is hard to not want them to be there when you need them. It's frustrating really, when your schedule is being adjusted to meet their needs because their schedule has become cumbersome.
I was, without hesitation, at Gracie's beck and call. She used to take her mom's cell phone and call or text me to summon me when she was ready to visit. I would drop everything to go to Gracie and be with her. She would text me she was thirsty for a DQ malt, or could I come and make her one of my delicious peanut butter, jelly, and banana sandwiches? I remember one phone call from her when I was in the middle of a college lecture hall where she was frantic because she could not find the movie "Footloose" that I bought her and watched with her a gazillion times. I texted her back "look in your DVD player". Here came a text back from her "Oh Good, it was in there". There were many calls and texts I received in those final three months. Sometimes now when her mom texts me to check in I look at my phone with a text message waiting from "Amazing Gracie" as the contact. I never have changed that back. I don't suppose I ever will.
I always tried to be respectful of her schedule and she got to the point that she wanted me to stay and be with her until she woke up. She was comfortable with me sitting next to her when she received her treatments and after her surgeries or just being there while she slept so when she woke up I was there. I was more then happy to hang around waiting for her to have time for me. I never really got used to that wait, but I got used to there being a wait and I found productive things to do until she was finally available for me.
Once my now wife then girlfriend Katie came into my life on a regular basis I used to tease her about how long it took her to get ready to go anywhere. I even downloaded Brad Paisleys Waiting On A Woman and would play it for her while I was waiting for her to get ready. I can almost hear Gracie laugh at me when I do that, because I used to do those things to her as well.
But I am learning in life that people are worth the wait. No matter what their reason I am doing my best to realize that even though waiting is the hardest part, it is not as hard as what other people are going through. If I have to adjust my schedule or miss time with someone I love, I need to find productive ways to fill that void. Prayer is always a great time filler and praying for that special person you seem to always be waiting on to have time for you is a great way to be with them, even when you cannot be with them.
So the next time you become anxious or sad or annoyed because someone is not there to meet your needs, try to remember its not about you. It's about them and what they are going through. When you start to feel like you no longer matter to someone like you used to, just remember its not personal and that person is relying on you for strength and understanding.
Yes, Waiting On A Woman is the hardest part, but its better than not having ta woman in your life to wait on at all. Slow down, don't rush, don't be in such a hurry. Embrace the moments you share and relive the moments you had while you continue to wait for them to be able to give you the time they had to give you before their life became appointments, treatments and traveling.
I love you Pooh! #WeAreNotQuitters
