Without memories the moments we have shared with our family, friends, and loved ones would not be as satisfying as they are as we carry them with us along our way. Every moment of life is a memory if we chose for it to be so. They will not always be great memories that bring us joy and happiness, there will also be many memories of sadness and despair. Most of us choose to let go of those memories that remind us of our struggles and our hardships and our heartaches. I am not that person when it comes to letting the dark memories fade from my heart and even if I were, they would settle inside my soul.
Just because I choose to hang on to all of the reminders of my journey on earth does not mean I accept what has happened that made those memories dark. What I have realized over time is that eliminating those memories from remaining with me on my journey would eliminate some of the happier memories in my life.
There are signs I see during the course of my days that remind me of things in the past that were some of the best times I spent with people no longer in my life for one reason or another. Broken friendships, broken relationships, loss of loved ones. A song, a poster, a clip in a movie, an ad, an article of clothing, even the face of a stranger can spark a memory that reminds me of something in my past. They are not always great memories, but they are memories none the less of the life I live.
When I spend time with my niece Olivia I see my little sister Jocelyn who died when she was three. I see her mannerisms, her characteristics and even her looks. As Olivia gets older I find myself wondering what my sister would have been like a the age Olivia now is. I hold every memory of my sister tight as I can fearing that one day they will fade because I was only six when she died and the memories are so few.
I think that is true of all of us to some extent, that we fear we will forget, or be forgotten as time advances in our lives. I myself tend not to believe that I make lasting memories for others as they have for me. I feel as if I cannot do enough for others that make a positive influence on their lives a they have made on mine. I know that ever since my brother Joey died I fear that he will be forgotten by those that were dear to him. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him and I wonder how many days goes by that others have not thought of him.
I think about the day that Joey lost his fight and I remember the peace he had made with his journey on earth. The most important thing to Joey in the final six months of his life was to know that God loved him and that he was assured a spot in heaven. Our family was religion-less and I only became a fan of God when I was fourteen and landed in East Boston after being physically beaten by my birth dad in Sioux City IA. I always looked at that bad memory as a blessing in my life and as painful as it is to remember that the last time I saw my birth dad he nearly killed me, had that moment not happened in my life I may not be as spiritual and trusting in God as I am today.
Sitting outside of my brother Joey's room as he laid on his bed dying, listening to our friend Aunt OJ read to him out of the bible and listen to their conversations about how God loves everyone, even those that do not love or believe in Him were memories I left Sioux City with that helped me find God in Boston. Bad memories that produced many great memories for me. It is important in life that we make sure we embrace the challenges we face in life simply because they will eventually produce some of the best memories for us that will follow us through our journey on earth and travel with us to our journey in Eternity.
No one wants to struggle and no one wants to watch their loved ones struggle. There is no joy in the struggle but I promise you my friends, there is tremendous joy in coming out of the struggle with a renewed faith in yourself and in the Lord. You will never have the memories of accomplishments in your life without the unexpected tragic moments we all will face. Think back to the things in your life you are most proud of accomplishing, then think back a bit further and take a look at what got you there.
I think about all the dark moments in my life and I think about all the happy moments in my life and I understand that one does not come without the price of the other. I don't thank God for the dark times in my life that gave me the happy times in my life. I thank God for the Faith He has given me and the Trust He has asked me to give Him and the Love He has shown me that allows me to Believe that I can make it through anything that comes my way in my journey on earth.
“The greatest faith is born in the hour of despair.
When we can see no hope and no way out,
then faith rises and brings the victory.”
– Lee Robertson
