God took them all because I loved them the most.
I want you to know that this is not about you, this is about me. Please try to understand this with an open mind and try not to make this about you. This IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I understand more than you realize what is going on with your brain cancer. I understand you are experiencing brain fog and that your short term memory is not working right now. I get that you will be late and I know your attention span is very short right now. I get it, I really do, and I know it is not something you can control no matter how much you want to be in control of it right now. I hope with all my heart that you realize you should not take this personal on behave of myself.
My frustration does not lay with-in you and your actions. My frustration is with life. You know more about me than any one individual on earth. That doesn't scare me at all. From day one you supported my issues, you comforted my soul. From day one you showed me unconditional love and pushed it on me until I accepted it, embraced it, got comfortable with it. From day one listened to my stories, my fears, my dreams, my hopes and my faith. You never let me down.
The only other people that know me more than you do are in heaven. Taken from me by God. He took away the people I loved the most, the deepest, the purest.
I loved my little sister and the three years I got to have her on earth with me would never be enough even if it had been a million years. God took her from because I loved her the most.
I loved my oldest brother and the thought of him taking me away to live with him when he was done with college. I knew I could tell him my troubles and through my tears he would save me from the very things he had to save himself from. I loved the thought of leaving my troubles behind and growing up normal. God took him from me because I loved him the most.
I loved my brother Joey with everything I had. I loved how he loved and cared for me enough to take me places and be my buddy. I loved he taught me how to hit a baseball, skate on roller skates, not scream when I rode the rides at the carnival in Peter's Park. I loved that he loved me enough to promise me a better life and save me from the monster who tried to destroy my heart, my soul, my youth. God took him from me because I loved him the most.
I loved my mom with all my heart and after my sister died I knew then that now my mom was the greatest love of my life. Eighteen years was not going to be enough time to spend with my mom. God took her from me because I loved her the most.
I loved Amazing Gracie the moment I met her. I loved her strength, her courage, her spunk, her innocence and I fell in love with the story of her life. I loved the life's lesson I was learning from that sweet eight year old girl. God took her from me because I loved her the most.
I loved a lot of people along the way. People who listened to my dreams. People who tried to calm my fears. People who accepted me for who I am , where I came, where I was heading. People who made me laugh and dried my tears. People who let me annoy them. People who helped me understand I am good, I have a good heart, I have a good soul. And God took them away from me too, because I was loving them the most.
I love Jake and I love how he helped me grow from that awkward chubby boy to the confident successful young man I want others to believe I am. I loved him the most, and then I remembered God takes those that we love the most and I distance myself from him so God could see I loved HIM the most.
I love you Pooh, but I love you the most. I love how you let a stupid little mouthy kid into your life, be part of your family. How you shared them with me and let them love me too. How you challenged me in life to face my fears. How you let me know its ok to be love and to love back. I loved you most and HE knew, so inside your head a tumor grew. I want you to be ok, I want you to live forever. I want to be your friend. I want to love you the most, but I cannot chance God taking you from the world. It breaks my heart but broken hearts can heal. It's more important for you to live and be in the lives of so many people that love you.
Every time you are 'late', or see a 'shiny' object, or forget something I've told you the day before. Each time something happens to remind me you are going through this difficult time I am reminded that God is in control and as long as I love Him the most, you will be ok. I know you will be ok, you are so loved and have so many prayers going up to the heavens above there is no way God is ready for you to leave us. Unless I love you the most.
