I overheard a conversation the other day between two grandmother aged women regarding praying. They were discussing today's world and how it seems no one really stops to pray anymore. They were in agreement that if we allowed more prayers in the classrooms and if we had more of today's youth involved in a weekly church program, the future of the world would not seem so bleak. I sat quietly at the lunch table listening to them carry on about the kids of today's world and how we are doomed because of the separation of church and state.
I tried to avoid making eye contact with them because I was sure they felt I was "one of those kids" they were talking about. I have never run from my faith, I believe what I believe. I did not want to be part of this conversation with these elderly women who were convinced there was not enough praying going on in today's world. Not because I disagreed with them, but because I was sure my thoughts on the topic would not fit into the points they were making.
"Do you pray?", one of them said. I looked at them, to see if it was in fact I who they were talking to. "Yes, I pray each day, often several times."
"What do you pray for?", asked the other. "Well, sometimes I just say the prayers my church has taught me to pray. Sometimes I pray for peace in third would country's in hopes that they will gain the civilization and freedom I get to live in. Sometimes I pray for others who I know are experiencing a dip in their faith due to a hardship. Sometimes I just pray for strength for myself, so I can get through another day in a world where I feel defeated."
"Do you read the bible your church offers to you?", the first woman said to me. "Yes, I read the bible daily. While I do not always understand the words that are written or the message I am being offered, I have disciplined myself to read the passages and spend the rest of the day churning the words in my mind to see if I can solve the mystery of the message."
"Do you attend services your church provides?", the second woman asked. "I do attend mass on Sunday mornings and I take my nephews and niece with me as often as I can."
The women are satisfied with my answers and continue their conversation. It is not long before the second woman says to me, "Do you feel your prayers are always answered? Or do you continue to pray for the same things over and over again?" Guessing this conversation now involved me I move closer to the women and join them at their end of the lunch table. "I do not pray to get things I want, or things I need, or things I feel I deserve. I feel I can work hard enough in life to get those things and the things I feel I deserve may not be the things anyone else feels I do. When I pray, I pray for results with a clear understanding that how my prayers are answered may not be the result I want. Therefore I have to incorporate faith into my spiritual world and believe that God knows what he is doing and except the results I get when I pray."
A bit more banter back and forth between the three of us, all really pretty much expressing the same beliefs regarding the power of prayer and how it works, or at least how we feel it should work, and lunch is over. But the conversation lingers on in my mind the rest of the afternoon. Mostly because of the time I had spent with Gracie during the most challenging time in her short life and the conversations we held regarding God and prayers and how one should pray.
Gracie and I spent so much time together and a lot of that time was spent talking about what her journey with God would be like once he allowed her to come home to him. She had many questions she wanted answered regarding death and where it takes us, just as many as I had regarding life and where it takes us. It's amazing when you think about that sentence, because while we both were looking at faith from a different angle, we both were thinking about what each of our future holds. One in dying, and one in living. Many times I would ask Grace what she prayed for. There was not one time I asked her that question that she provided me with an answer that she was praying for herself. She was always praying for someone else.
I thought how ironic that the little girl everyone was praying for in this most difficult time was praying for everyone else. I remember being very careful in what I was praying for regarding Grace, as to not upset the journey she was on and the one she was about to take. I knew that I could not reasonably pray for her to 'get well' because that to me was a wasted prayer as it was very clear she would lose the battle of her fight with cancer. I was cautious to not pray for her to live longer than God had intended her to live because that would not be fair to Gracie to suffer longer than what was dealt to her before she even entered into the world. Mostly when I prayed to God regarding Gracie it was that when it was time for her to end her journey on earth it would be as painless and quick as possible so her suffering was minimal and her journey to God was a peaceful beautiful walk in his park as she waited for her angel guide to come for her and take her home at last. I always felt that was a safe prayer that would be a reasonable request of God.
I guess I've not really ever thought so much about praying. How to go about it. What should I say? What would God want me to say? Prayer has always come natural to me. To me there is no place more peaceful and hopeful then the time I spend sitting in the pews at church. It is those times that I see the world through rose colored glasses and it is those times I am able to clearly sit and reflect all that is good in my life. I never really think about praying when I am sitting in God's house, my thoughts just flow nicely and freely of how thankful I am for everything that I have experienced in life.
As hard as life has been at times for me, I know that I would not be on the path I need to be without those challenges. Do not mistake me though, I do get angry about the hurdles that slow me down and force me to reflect on who I am, and who God wants me to be. Every time we experience things in our life we need to remember it is not a test, it is not a punishment, it is not to shake our faith. It is to get us positioned in life to where God needs us to be. Whenever I feel challenged, whenever I feel something great has been taken away from me, I try to remember it is for a reason. I like to believe that reason is to get me nearer someone in life that needs me in one way or another. Each struggle I face I feel has made me stronger. It has challenged my faith, and it has forced me to re-evaluate the strength of my faith. It is how my faith grows.
It wasn't long after I landed in Boston to live with my brother Jordy that I sought out a church where I could go to get away from the world that I felt was chasing me down, often catching up to me, and leaving scars so deep they would never heal. I welcomed myself into many churches, of many different faiths until I found one that I felt fit me. I found that in the catholic church, up front, in the first pew to the left, in front of the pulpit that would capture my attention when the gospel was read. The same pulpit that the priest would stand at each week and explain to his congregation what the readings were about and how they related to our lives today. At times I felt the message being relayed was directed right towards the fears I faced outside God's house. My very first 'bible' was actually the missal booklet we used at church to following the readings. I had asked the priest if I could take one home with me so I could read ahead for the next weeks readings and see if I could pick out the same message he would relay to us. It wasn't but a couple of weeks later when Father Thomas presented me with my very first legit bible!
I currently own four bibles, one I carry with me on Sundays, the one Father gave to me is stored away for safe keeping, one I read at home at night and in the mornings, often highlighting the passages that I feel I already understand the message in, and a final one that I open for one reason only, to add the name of those I wish to pray for on a daily basis. It it full of names scattered throughout the pages in varies colors of ink. Before I go to sleep at night and when I wake up in the morning I put my hand on top of the bible and say a united prayer for all those whose names are written inside the covers of it.
There is only one thing I want for myself even more then becoming a successful writer, and that is to be the best christian I can be, not only while I am still on earth, but when I get to that big beautiful space way up above the clouds. I know I am not even close, but I do feel I am on the right path. I feel there are many of us on the right path and that we are all reaching for that goal of being the best person we can be, for whatever reason we feel we are not.
The following day after I joined the conversation with the elder lunch ladies who brought me into their conversation I made a point to sit with them again, because I had a message for them that I should have given to them the day before. It is something that weighed on my mind all night long because as I said before, I have never run from my faith.
"Ladies, I strongly disagree with something that was said yesterday. You had made mention that perhaps if today's youth were more involved in church programs the world would not be so bleak. You made mention of how we are doomed due to the way kids are today. I would challenge you on those statements and invite you to my church on any given Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, or Wednesday evening and see how many of today's youth are attending church functions and involving themselves in the community. I would ask that you take a look around in today's world and notice how many kids today come from broken homes, or abused situations, or have no father figure, or mother figure, to guide them in a life of faith and hope. Kids all over the world who walk the streets looking for someone to take interest in them and teach them how to survive in a world where adults so easily give up on themselves. How weak the family structures have become since you were children. It is not the youth that has given up on God and lost faith in a life of eternal bliss with Him. It is the adults that have misguided that direction and through the lack of faith they have for themselves have failed to give their children a healthy happy environment."
I was not sure if I offended these ladies with my bold opinion on how I felt it was the adults in today's world that were failing in faith and today's youth were reaching out for survival without their parents, often finding it on the streets with others who had no direction in life while many of today's youth were making the decision to get themselves involved with a church where they can be hopeful of a future not only on earth, but in the afterlife as well. I did not intend to disrespect either of these women, but in my heart I knew I had to express my opinion on the topic. I sat and waited for one or the either to 'put this kid in his place'. I got no response so I excused myself and went back to my work station to begin my afternoon.
The next day when I punched in to work and went to my work station there was a bible sitting at the desk I work at. It was a solid jet black bible and I could tell it was new. I opened the bible and written was this message ...
I tried to avoid making eye contact with them because I was sure they felt I was "one of those kids" they were talking about. I have never run from my faith, I believe what I believe. I did not want to be part of this conversation with these elderly women who were convinced there was not enough praying going on in today's world. Not because I disagreed with them, but because I was sure my thoughts on the topic would not fit into the points they were making.
"Do you pray?", one of them said. I looked at them, to see if it was in fact I who they were talking to. "Yes, I pray each day, often several times."
"What do you pray for?", asked the other. "Well, sometimes I just say the prayers my church has taught me to pray. Sometimes I pray for peace in third would country's in hopes that they will gain the civilization and freedom I get to live in. Sometimes I pray for others who I know are experiencing a dip in their faith due to a hardship. Sometimes I just pray for strength for myself, so I can get through another day in a world where I feel defeated."
"Do you read the bible your church offers to you?", the first woman said to me. "Yes, I read the bible daily. While I do not always understand the words that are written or the message I am being offered, I have disciplined myself to read the passages and spend the rest of the day churning the words in my mind to see if I can solve the mystery of the message."
"Do you attend services your church provides?", the second woman asked. "I do attend mass on Sunday mornings and I take my nephews and niece with me as often as I can."
The women are satisfied with my answers and continue their conversation. It is not long before the second woman says to me, "Do you feel your prayers are always answered? Or do you continue to pray for the same things over and over again?" Guessing this conversation now involved me I move closer to the women and join them at their end of the lunch table. "I do not pray to get things I want, or things I need, or things I feel I deserve. I feel I can work hard enough in life to get those things and the things I feel I deserve may not be the things anyone else feels I do. When I pray, I pray for results with a clear understanding that how my prayers are answered may not be the result I want. Therefore I have to incorporate faith into my spiritual world and believe that God knows what he is doing and except the results I get when I pray."
A bit more banter back and forth between the three of us, all really pretty much expressing the same beliefs regarding the power of prayer and how it works, or at least how we feel it should work, and lunch is over. But the conversation lingers on in my mind the rest of the afternoon. Mostly because of the time I had spent with Gracie during the most challenging time in her short life and the conversations we held regarding God and prayers and how one should pray.
Gracie and I spent so much time together and a lot of that time was spent talking about what her journey with God would be like once he allowed her to come home to him. She had many questions she wanted answered regarding death and where it takes us, just as many as I had regarding life and where it takes us. It's amazing when you think about that sentence, because while we both were looking at faith from a different angle, we both were thinking about what each of our future holds. One in dying, and one in living. Many times I would ask Grace what she prayed for. There was not one time I asked her that question that she provided me with an answer that she was praying for herself. She was always praying for someone else.
"Today in my prayers I asked God to keep my parents together forever and not let Him taking me from them, take them from each other."
"Today I asked God to please help all the families of all the people with cancer stay strong for each other and find ways to show them that He loves them."
"Today I asked God to make you strong Jett, and help your heart know that I will be forever better and never be sick again when I get to him."
I thought how ironic that the little girl everyone was praying for in this most difficult time was praying for everyone else. I remember being very careful in what I was praying for regarding Grace, as to not upset the journey she was on and the one she was about to take. I knew that I could not reasonably pray for her to 'get well' because that to me was a wasted prayer as it was very clear she would lose the battle of her fight with cancer. I was cautious to not pray for her to live longer than God had intended her to live because that would not be fair to Gracie to suffer longer than what was dealt to her before she even entered into the world. Mostly when I prayed to God regarding Gracie it was that when it was time for her to end her journey on earth it would be as painless and quick as possible so her suffering was minimal and her journey to God was a peaceful beautiful walk in his park as she waited for her angel guide to come for her and take her home at last. I always felt that was a safe prayer that would be a reasonable request of God.
I guess I've not really ever thought so much about praying. How to go about it. What should I say? What would God want me to say? Prayer has always come natural to me. To me there is no place more peaceful and hopeful then the time I spend sitting in the pews at church. It is those times that I see the world through rose colored glasses and it is those times I am able to clearly sit and reflect all that is good in my life. I never really think about praying when I am sitting in God's house, my thoughts just flow nicely and freely of how thankful I am for everything that I have experienced in life.
As hard as life has been at times for me, I know that I would not be on the path I need to be without those challenges. Do not mistake me though, I do get angry about the hurdles that slow me down and force me to reflect on who I am, and who God wants me to be. Every time we experience things in our life we need to remember it is not a test, it is not a punishment, it is not to shake our faith. It is to get us positioned in life to where God needs us to be. Whenever I feel challenged, whenever I feel something great has been taken away from me, I try to remember it is for a reason. I like to believe that reason is to get me nearer someone in life that needs me in one way or another. Each struggle I face I feel has made me stronger. It has challenged my faith, and it has forced me to re-evaluate the strength of my faith. It is how my faith grows.
It wasn't long after I landed in Boston to live with my brother Jordy that I sought out a church where I could go to get away from the world that I felt was chasing me down, often catching up to me, and leaving scars so deep they would never heal. I welcomed myself into many churches, of many different faiths until I found one that I felt fit me. I found that in the catholic church, up front, in the first pew to the left, in front of the pulpit that would capture my attention when the gospel was read. The same pulpit that the priest would stand at each week and explain to his congregation what the readings were about and how they related to our lives today. At times I felt the message being relayed was directed right towards the fears I faced outside God's house. My very first 'bible' was actually the missal booklet we used at church to following the readings. I had asked the priest if I could take one home with me so I could read ahead for the next weeks readings and see if I could pick out the same message he would relay to us. It wasn't but a couple of weeks later when Father Thomas presented me with my very first legit bible!
I currently own four bibles, one I carry with me on Sundays, the one Father gave to me is stored away for safe keeping, one I read at home at night and in the mornings, often highlighting the passages that I feel I already understand the message in, and a final one that I open for one reason only, to add the name of those I wish to pray for on a daily basis. It it full of names scattered throughout the pages in varies colors of ink. Before I go to sleep at night and when I wake up in the morning I put my hand on top of the bible and say a united prayer for all those whose names are written inside the covers of it.
There is only one thing I want for myself even more then becoming a successful writer, and that is to be the best christian I can be, not only while I am still on earth, but when I get to that big beautiful space way up above the clouds. I know I am not even close, but I do feel I am on the right path. I feel there are many of us on the right path and that we are all reaching for that goal of being the best person we can be, for whatever reason we feel we are not.
The following day after I joined the conversation with the elder lunch ladies who brought me into their conversation I made a point to sit with them again, because I had a message for them that I should have given to them the day before. It is something that weighed on my mind all night long because as I said before, I have never run from my faith.
"Ladies, I strongly disagree with something that was said yesterday. You had made mention that perhaps if today's youth were more involved in church programs the world would not be so bleak. You made mention of how we are doomed due to the way kids are today. I would challenge you on those statements and invite you to my church on any given Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, or Wednesday evening and see how many of today's youth are attending church functions and involving themselves in the community. I would ask that you take a look around in today's world and notice how many kids today come from broken homes, or abused situations, or have no father figure, or mother figure, to guide them in a life of faith and hope. Kids all over the world who walk the streets looking for someone to take interest in them and teach them how to survive in a world where adults so easily give up on themselves. How weak the family structures have become since you were children. It is not the youth that has given up on God and lost faith in a life of eternal bliss with Him. It is the adults that have misguided that direction and through the lack of faith they have for themselves have failed to give their children a healthy happy environment."
I was not sure if I offended these ladies with my bold opinion on how I felt it was the adults in today's world that were failing in faith and today's youth were reaching out for survival without their parents, often finding it on the streets with others who had no direction in life while many of today's youth were making the decision to get themselves involved with a church where they can be hopeful of a future not only on earth, but in the afterlife as well. I did not intend to disrespect either of these women, but in my heart I knew I had to express my opinion on the topic. I sat and waited for one or the either to 'put this kid in his place'. I got no response so I excused myself and went back to my work station to begin my afternoon.
The next day when I punched in to work and went to my work station there was a bible sitting at the desk I work at. It was a solid jet black bible and I could tell it was new. I opened the bible and written was this message ...
Jett, thank you for setting a couple of old ladies straight about faith in the modern world. We are living proof that one is never to old to learn and strengthen their faith, not only in God but also in the youth that will certainly carry this world to peace. Maria and Frannie
