I still really hadn't gotten over the shock in my system of seeing Grace's bedroom transformed from sassy girl pink to big girl green. It's something that has weighed very heavy on my mind since Monday when she introduced me to the completion of her final plan to help make her parents days following her upcoming death easier to adjust to life without her. How precious was the heart of this little daughter who has to leave this world before her parents will, trying to make this tragic experience as painless for them as possible.
I had not heard from Grace on Tuesday by lunch time as I usually would so I text her mom's cell to see how Grace was feeling today. I was told by her mom that Grace had a very restless night and by morning she had a light fever and an upset stomach. I let her mom know I would stop by to check in on her after I was done with the tots today shortly after 3pm. Since the tot's I was teaching the art of the English language to had met Grace, they were always wanting an update on how she was doing. I never spent a lot of time talking to them about Grace's illness, but tried to tell them about Grace's character, and the strength inside of her to get through the times she was not feeling so great, so she could continue to enjoy the life she was still living.
A few weeks ago one of the tot's I was teaching in the fourth grade had lost his little brother, who was in kindergarten, when he was struck by a car while riding his tricycle and killed. Since that day my third and fourth grade students would on occasion bring up the topic of death. They now had a source of reference to begin understanding death, and the hurt it left behind. Some were fearful, some were curious, some were intrigued about the survivors of the victim. The staff was required to attend a briefing on the death of the student, informing them on what they should say, what they should not say, and how far into the afterlife they should allow themselves to take the students asking questions. Basically, we were not allowed to give our point of view on God and the role he plays in our lives on earth.
The tots wanted to make a card for Grace to let her know they hoped she got to feeling better. We talked about this prior to starting our workbook studies for today. I explained to them that although that is very thoughtful of them, Grace would not be getting better, and she knows this, so a card telling her they hoped she would, was probably not the best choice for her at this time. My less than scholar student Derik would offer up a suggestion, "Maybe we can make Grace a card thanking her for coming to our class last Friday." I told him that is an excellent idea, and we would work on those cards on thursday if we buckled down today and not only completed today's lesson, but Thursdays as well. Both classes agreed to this and the rest of this day the kids hunkered down and reached their goal of finishing both lessons in one day.
I stopped by Starbucks on the way to visit Grace, wanting to take her an orange mango smoothie. Grace liked surprise treats from Starbucks and I thought since she was not feeling well it would a nice refreshing drink for her to try. My guess was that today she would not be greeting me at the door, where she would often make me beg to be let in, while she laughed herself silly. I was right. As I parked my truck in the driveway I looked up at Grace's bedroom window in front of me. My heart sank a bit when I saw the green curtains that had replaced the pink ones before they were changed out the Sunday prior to today.
Grace's mom would meet me at the door this afternoon before I even had the chance to knock. "She's been sleeping most of the day Jett", she said, "but each time she wakes up she asks if you have come to see her yet." Grace's mom looks tired, worn down from the worry I supposed, and you could see on her face how much this has taken its toll on this mother of one. I offer her the chance to take some time for herself, run errands, take a nap, sit out back and enjoy the sun. "I will sit with Grace for as long as you would like me to", I tell her, "take a break." She would take me up on that offer telling me she will try to lay down and rest for a bit and if I need anything, please let her know. I feel this is the smallest of things I can do for her, after all, she has entrusted her only daughter in my care.
I sat in the light oak chair next to Grace's new queen size bed for a bit over an hour before her eyes popped up. "I did not think you were coming today Jett. I was worried you would stop coming since I told you the end of my story." I reached down next to me and grabbed the orange mango smoothie, "I still have my story to write girlfriend", I told her, "Do you feel like sitting up to taste this treat I brought you?" Grace sat up on her bed and I handed her the drink. "Drink as much as you can Grace, your mom said you did not eat anything today and all you drank was water. I can go get you a chili dog if you want." Grace took a small sip of her drink, followed by a very large gulp. "Oh, this is delicious boyfriend. But I do not want to eat yet."
I spent 20 minutes sitting with Grace while she finished of her drink. I was happy she had liked it enough to drink all of it. I took the empty cup from her and she slid back down on the over sized bed practically getting lost in it as she snuggled under the covers and shut her eyes, drifting off to sleep yet again. I sat there for at least an hour more, just watching my little friend sleep. I am not sure at what point I myself drifted off to sleep but I was awakened by a touch on my shoulder. It had startled me and I was quick to jump up only to find myself standing there alone. I looked at Grace, still sleeping in the same position as I remembered. I put right hand on my left shoulder, the same one I had felt someone touch just moments before. I tell myself I must of been dreaming, and quickly move my thoughts onto other things.
I take Grace's water glass and go to the kitchen to put in fresh ice cubes and water. I find her dad sitting at their kitchen table, several papers spread out in front of him. I take his cup of coffee and fill it from their coffee pot on their counter. Walking back to the table with his coffee cup in my hand I look at his face. Tired, stressed, aged since the first time I met him. I sit his cup down in front of him and take a chair next to him. "If there is anything more I can do for you, all you ever have to do is ask", I tell him. He gives me a nod, clearly not wanting to, or perhaps not able to, talk about this right now. I glance at the papers in front of him and notice it all pertains to the final arrangements regarding putting Grace to rest. I stand up to go back and kiss Grace goodbye for the evening. I look over at her dad as he reaches his right hand up and puts it on his left shoulder. He pats his shoulder as if he is patting a hand resting there, providing him comfort. I wondered if he thought that was my hand on his shoulder, as he did not look up once at me. I noticed the calm that came over his face, as if someone was telling him everything will be OK.
I took Grace's fresh cup of water and sat it on the stand next to her bed. I wrote a small note and laid it next to her. I knelt next to Grace's bed and with my heart heavy and my hands together in prayer I asked God to let Grace and her parents find comfort in her final days. I asked him please do not make her suffer beyond what she is willing to take. The selfish part of me asked God to please give me the strength to handle what was to come in the next couple of weeks. I looked up from where I knelt in prayer to find Grace's mom at the door of her bedroom, with a watchful eye on both of us. She had her right hand resting on her left shoulder. It looked like she was squeezing her hand, holding onto what could of been someone laying their hand there to comfort her. She smiled as she had been comforted, dropped her right hand off her shoulder and took her place on the chair next to Grace's bed.
I left Grace's house that day wondering if Grace's angel guide was there waiting to take her to God's garden. What was the presence I felt and I seen with this family today? Who was with them, moving around keeping an eye on them, comforting them with a touch that could not be seen but could be felt?
I was starting to become anxious with all the signs I was feeling and seeing this past week. Time was drawing near and it seemed to be coming fast. I put comfort in the day that Grace had revealed to me she was ready to go, but she would not leave without telling me good-bye first. What day would it be? I did not know and I did not care to guess. I just knew that even though Grace had said she was ready, I was not.
I had not heard from Grace on Tuesday by lunch time as I usually would so I text her mom's cell to see how Grace was feeling today. I was told by her mom that Grace had a very restless night and by morning she had a light fever and an upset stomach. I let her mom know I would stop by to check in on her after I was done with the tots today shortly after 3pm. Since the tot's I was teaching the art of the English language to had met Grace, they were always wanting an update on how she was doing. I never spent a lot of time talking to them about Grace's illness, but tried to tell them about Grace's character, and the strength inside of her to get through the times she was not feeling so great, so she could continue to enjoy the life she was still living.
A few weeks ago one of the tot's I was teaching in the fourth grade had lost his little brother, who was in kindergarten, when he was struck by a car while riding his tricycle and killed. Since that day my third and fourth grade students would on occasion bring up the topic of death. They now had a source of reference to begin understanding death, and the hurt it left behind. Some were fearful, some were curious, some were intrigued about the survivors of the victim. The staff was required to attend a briefing on the death of the student, informing them on what they should say, what they should not say, and how far into the afterlife they should allow themselves to take the students asking questions. Basically, we were not allowed to give our point of view on God and the role he plays in our lives on earth.
The tots wanted to make a card for Grace to let her know they hoped she got to feeling better. We talked about this prior to starting our workbook studies for today. I explained to them that although that is very thoughtful of them, Grace would not be getting better, and she knows this, so a card telling her they hoped she would, was probably not the best choice for her at this time. My less than scholar student Derik would offer up a suggestion, "Maybe we can make Grace a card thanking her for coming to our class last Friday." I told him that is an excellent idea, and we would work on those cards on thursday if we buckled down today and not only completed today's lesson, but Thursdays as well. Both classes agreed to this and the rest of this day the kids hunkered down and reached their goal of finishing both lessons in one day.
I stopped by Starbucks on the way to visit Grace, wanting to take her an orange mango smoothie. Grace liked surprise treats from Starbucks and I thought since she was not feeling well it would a nice refreshing drink for her to try. My guess was that today she would not be greeting me at the door, where she would often make me beg to be let in, while she laughed herself silly. I was right. As I parked my truck in the driveway I looked up at Grace's bedroom window in front of me. My heart sank a bit when I saw the green curtains that had replaced the pink ones before they were changed out the Sunday prior to today.
Grace's mom would meet me at the door this afternoon before I even had the chance to knock. "She's been sleeping most of the day Jett", she said, "but each time she wakes up she asks if you have come to see her yet." Grace's mom looks tired, worn down from the worry I supposed, and you could see on her face how much this has taken its toll on this mother of one. I offer her the chance to take some time for herself, run errands, take a nap, sit out back and enjoy the sun. "I will sit with Grace for as long as you would like me to", I tell her, "take a break." She would take me up on that offer telling me she will try to lay down and rest for a bit and if I need anything, please let her know. I feel this is the smallest of things I can do for her, after all, she has entrusted her only daughter in my care.
I sat in the light oak chair next to Grace's new queen size bed for a bit over an hour before her eyes popped up. "I did not think you were coming today Jett. I was worried you would stop coming since I told you the end of my story." I reached down next to me and grabbed the orange mango smoothie, "I still have my story to write girlfriend", I told her, "Do you feel like sitting up to taste this treat I brought you?" Grace sat up on her bed and I handed her the drink. "Drink as much as you can Grace, your mom said you did not eat anything today and all you drank was water. I can go get you a chili dog if you want." Grace took a small sip of her drink, followed by a very large gulp. "Oh, this is delicious boyfriend. But I do not want to eat yet."
I spent 20 minutes sitting with Grace while she finished of her drink. I was happy she had liked it enough to drink all of it. I took the empty cup from her and she slid back down on the over sized bed practically getting lost in it as she snuggled under the covers and shut her eyes, drifting off to sleep yet again. I sat there for at least an hour more, just watching my little friend sleep. I am not sure at what point I myself drifted off to sleep but I was awakened by a touch on my shoulder. It had startled me and I was quick to jump up only to find myself standing there alone. I looked at Grace, still sleeping in the same position as I remembered. I put right hand on my left shoulder, the same one I had felt someone touch just moments before. I tell myself I must of been dreaming, and quickly move my thoughts onto other things.
I take Grace's water glass and go to the kitchen to put in fresh ice cubes and water. I find her dad sitting at their kitchen table, several papers spread out in front of him. I take his cup of coffee and fill it from their coffee pot on their counter. Walking back to the table with his coffee cup in my hand I look at his face. Tired, stressed, aged since the first time I met him. I sit his cup down in front of him and take a chair next to him. "If there is anything more I can do for you, all you ever have to do is ask", I tell him. He gives me a nod, clearly not wanting to, or perhaps not able to, talk about this right now. I glance at the papers in front of him and notice it all pertains to the final arrangements regarding putting Grace to rest. I stand up to go back and kiss Grace goodbye for the evening. I look over at her dad as he reaches his right hand up and puts it on his left shoulder. He pats his shoulder as if he is patting a hand resting there, providing him comfort. I wondered if he thought that was my hand on his shoulder, as he did not look up once at me. I noticed the calm that came over his face, as if someone was telling him everything will be OK.
I took Grace's fresh cup of water and sat it on the stand next to her bed. I wrote a small note and laid it next to her. I knelt next to Grace's bed and with my heart heavy and my hands together in prayer I asked God to let Grace and her parents find comfort in her final days. I asked him please do not make her suffer beyond what she is willing to take. The selfish part of me asked God to please give me the strength to handle what was to come in the next couple of weeks. I looked up from where I knelt in prayer to find Grace's mom at the door of her bedroom, with a watchful eye on both of us. She had her right hand resting on her left shoulder. It looked like she was squeezing her hand, holding onto what could of been someone laying their hand there to comfort her. She smiled as she had been comforted, dropped her right hand off her shoulder and took her place on the chair next to Grace's bed.
I left Grace's house that day wondering if Grace's angel guide was there waiting to take her to God's garden. What was the presence I felt and I seen with this family today? Who was with them, moving around keeping an eye on them, comforting them with a touch that could not be seen but could be felt?
I was starting to become anxious with all the signs I was feeling and seeing this past week. Time was drawing near and it seemed to be coming fast. I put comfort in the day that Grace had revealed to me she was ready to go, but she would not leave without telling me good-bye first. What day would it be? I did not know and I did not care to guess. I just knew that even though Grace had said she was ready, I was not.
