Wikipedia, in giving a universal definition of the word grief, talks about the bond one has made with someone, or something, that upon its absence creates the emotional feeling of loss, commonly referred to as grief. There are many other sources that refer to grief as deep sorrow, or keen distress, or deep suffering. There are books, articles, lectures, and support groups that all provide a service to help you deal with the feeling of grief you may be experiencing. You can find information regarding the seven stages of grief, or in some cases the five stages of grief, to try to help you find comfort in the emotional stages you may, or may not, experience going through the experience of loss in something, or someone, you love that has been removed from your life.
Most often you will not attempt to understand the pain associated with grief until you have actually experienced a life event that has taken you through the pain of a loss so great you find yourself helpless in not just how you respond to the loss, but how you deal with the loss. You will undoubtedly cross paths with someone who is grieving and may attempt to feel their pain, but you will never truly feel the pain of grief until you yourself have experienced the loss of someone, or something, so important to your everyday breathes of life.
I have written several blogs where I have tried to help others feel the pain of someone I know who has felt the pain of grief in their lives. I guess I feel that through all the emotional grief I have seen and felt I should try to help others understand that grief will fall upon us all and when it does we will all handle it very differently even though the emotional pain will be the same. To try and compare one man's grief to another is pointless. It would be like trying to compare one child's excitement over a trip to Disney World over another's. Everyone's ride is different.
I am currently feeling the emotional pain and grief of losing my mom three years ago this coming November. I have found peace with her being gone although I have moments in time that I long for her to be back on earth, in my physical world. I have many friends who no longer have their mom's in their lives for one reason or another. Most of my Misfit Family members no longer have their mom's in their daily lives either. Adrian and Avery's mom took her own life after their brother took his. That is how she dealt with her grief. Charlie's mom walked out of his life when he was single digit age and his step mom never accepted him as one of her own. James mom just doesn't remember to be part of his life. Brady and Bobby's mom was in and out of their lives before she finally just packed up and left them to fend for themselves.
When I think about how much I would like to have my mom in my life again and think about how I lost her to the Circle Of Life and how many kids no longer have their mom's in their lives because their mom's simply left them alone in the world, it makes the pain in my heart of losing her that much more hurtful. If that isn't painful enough, I watch others in my life get to continue their journey's with their moms next to them. I watch as my friends prepare to head off to college and the excitement of their moms for them. I watch as kids go about their summer activities with their moms right there to support them. I watch as my neighbors play outside with their children. I hear stories of moms making dinner for my friends and coworkers. I listen as a coworker picks up his phone, just to call his mom to tell her he loves her, for no reason at all.
I also watch as sons and daughters treat their mothers with disrespect. Demanding this and that as if its their mothers purpose to make their lives pleasurable and rosey. I hear others talking about how they haven't spoken to their moms in over a month. I have a coworker who is mad at his mom because of something she said no to him for, he hasn't spoken to her since and that was back in April.
I would like to shake them, wake them up from their selfishness. What I would not give to hug my mom and pamper her for no reason at all. What I would not give to call her up just to tell her I love her. What I would not give to stand in front of my mom and apologize for not being respectful to her like she taught me to be to others. What I would not give to say thank you for all the times my mom told me no and it resulted in making me a better person. To walk down the street with her, to sit down to a nice dinner, to have her involved in my college years. To have her standing out in the crowd as I meet success because she is the one that instilled success in me. To thank her for showing me how to survive life's ugly moments and be thankful for the beautiful moments.
To have my mom back in my daily walk of life would be the only miracle I would ever ask for. To deny her the time she is now spending in God's enteral life plan would be the most selfish thing I could ever do. Stuck between wanting my mom in my physical world and knowing she is exactly where God placed her, in my spiritual world.
I think about and miss my mom every day since she has passed. I thank God everyday for the time he allowed me to have her with me. Do I ever miss her more some days over others? Yes, I do. It's a rollercoaster ride of grief that I hold in my heart for my mom. Some days I miss her terribly and cry from the emotional pain the valleys of this ride takes me and some days I smile big and proud from on the peaks of the happiest memories I have of when my mom was on my journey with me.
Time heals no wounds, time mends no broken hearts. Time does not take away the emotional grief we hold in our hearts. There is no hour glass in the world that will ever run out of sand for the limit on how long our grief will hold us back, or carry us forward.
I miss my mom. It's as simple as that. And in spite of how much love our hearts are capable of holding, there is room in there for just as much pain when you miss the people whose love fills it up.
