Faith: 1 Corinthians 16:13 - Stand Firm In Your Faith

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; 

be men of courage; be strong.
 

 God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,

or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day,
comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
 

Today my friend Brandon completed Day 5 of his first round of chemo to treat the Leukemia that runs through his veins.  He will spend one more day in the hospital and then will go home on Sunday for 21 days before he goes back for his second round of five days of chemo.  This will be his routine for at least the next six months.  I have been up to sit with him each day this week for a couple of hours and each day I could see his mood darken a little more then it had been the day before.  Today I could tell he had just about had enough of the hospital room he was in, as well as the treatments that seemed to make him nauseous.

I always let Brandon lead the conversations and talk about whatever was on his mind, or in his heart.  This week we talked about many different life's issues us guys face.  Girls, school, girls, sports, girls, food, girls ... well you get the picture.  The hours we spent together this week we learned a great deal about each other and our personal take on life as we see it.  A topic that Brandon seemed to be avoiding was any talk about God, or religion in general.

Religion is a topic I can talk about forever and never get enough said.  It's not that I am preachy about it, but I find that you can always dig deep enough into the Bible to find inspiration about any situation you are facing that will provide you a ladder to climb out of any hole you have dug yourself and landed in.  Today he would surprise me and turn our conversation towards faith, hope, and love.  He revisited the day we met when I had placed a small blessing on his heart and mind to try to shine faith on the mood he was in.  "God Bless you on this leg of your journey"  is a phrase I often say as I depart those I visit at the cancer center or the hospital or even at church when I know someone is suffering from a bad moment.

Brandon had reminded me about the day our paths first crossed and today he was apologizing to me for his attitude and the depression he had shown me on that day.  Honestly, I was not offended by his words that day and I understood much more about how he was feeling then he assumed I did.  I accepted his apology but I also let him know I understood where his darkness was coming from.  I informed him that I often go through dark stages of life within myself.  That there are demons I fight on a daily basis, struggles in my life and inside my heart and my mind that may never go away.  That while I do not accept those demons in my life I do accept God and I trust that the things I am going through in my earth's journey is to better prepare myself for my journey in heaven where I will be free of my demons and once again be reunited with those gone before me.

He told me he was without a doubt mad at me that day we met.  That when I opened his blinds and turned his TV on, forcing him back into life, he laid there thinking about the nerve I had trying to take control of his anger with God.  That he thought to himself, 'who does that total stranger thing he is walking into my life and pretending everything is OK in my world'.  He told me about how a Priest showed up to talk to him about God after I left and told him that 'a young man asked me to visit with you today'.  He told me how he laid in his bed that night thinking about how it all went down and how he wondered why I would care if he wanted to lay in bed, in the dark and the quiet, and just avoid life.

I asked him if he was waiting for me to apologize for that day I entered his room and showed him that even if he did not have faith in his future, I did.  Brandon said no, that he did not want an apology.  Of course he added "I don't think you would give me one if I said I wanted one anyway."  That was the first time this week that I saw Brandon smile a smile so big I could see happiness in his heart through his eyes.  It also allowed me to sigh a bit of relief about this friendship and my ability to completely annoy the person I want to help.  Since the first day I met Brandon, I pushed him.  I pushed him to get back into his journey on earth, make the best of what you have, and never give up.  Come out of this stronger then you were before you got to where you are right now.  I encouraged him to keep up on his studies, involve himself with his family, reach out to the friends he had before he shut them out.

Brandon and I talked about God, heaven, God's plan for us on earth, and where faith comes from.  I told Brandon that  my take on where faith come from is not a scientific or religious study.  I feel that faith is a gift from God and like any other gift given to us in life, it is how we use that gift that determines the value it holds to us.  Having faith does not make one person better then another.  It is not like the person with the most faith in life wins.  Faith is something you find with-in yourself.  I also do not believe you can increase your faith on your own, I believe it continues to be a gift from God.  I believe that God guides us where he needs us to be in life and that the faith he provides you carries you to where you need to be.

Brandon told me that he felt the day I entered his dark quiet hospital he was at the lowest point in his young life to date.  He knew the fight he faced for the next several months was going to be tough and he did not feel he was up to that fight.  He felt that God had deserted him and his family and the dynamics of his families life had changed to a somber mood since they diagnosed him with Leukemia. His dad felt responsible, his mom was scared, and his siblings refused to fight and argue with him, feeling sorry for his illness.  He stated it was really more then he could bare in such a short time.  Then the days of testing to figure out what treatment would be most beneficial to his recovery took its toll on him mentally and physically.  He missed the friends he pushed away and the daily life of attending school to be with them.  Brandon said "I felt the lights were already out and the music had already been turned off."

Brandon said, "and then you showed up.  The son of the son of God.  I laid in bed that night and thought 'jeeze, I didn't even know Jesus had a son named Jett."  He has often teased me since we met about how if Jesus had a son it would be me.   It makes me laugh when he pulls that out, but he knows more about me now.  My struggles, my past, my misfit life with my misfit family.  He went on about how he talked himself into picking up where he left off religious wise.  How instead of blaming God for this bump in his road he thought maybe he should focus on what he needed to do to overcome this and get his family and friends back to where they were in his heart before all this.

I told Brandon that was God showing up with his gift of faith, giving him the Grace of God to take that faith and use it to get him through his time of need.  "Don't let yourself down Brando", I told him.  "Believe that the fight is worth it in the long run and you will come back from this stronger then before."  I could tell he was deep in thought as he paused before he responded.  "Thank you for believing in me that day we met and sticking by me even when I am not in that pleasant of mood."

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”  ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Sometimes the change we cannot make,

ends up changing us instead .

Knowing things are not always right in our world, we should understand some things were just not meant to be as we wish them to be.  Second to understanding that is the willingness to change something in ourselves, rethinking our wants, and making a change to meet our needs.  Brandon certainly did not ask to be stricken with an illness that he will have to fight to survive.  After realizing his dark mood and failing attitude would not get him where he would like to be, he made the change in himself to go back to his roots as a Christian, putting his trust in God and believing in himself.  

We can all make changes in ourselves to be more humble in our walk of life.  If people spent as much time 'fixing' themselves as they do judging others the world would be a better place.  When things do not go as you would like them to, see what you can change inside yourself to overcome your disappointment.  Spend more time working on you then you do on others and perhaps you will find something about you that you can believe in more.  Be thankful for what you have and what comes your way instead of always wanting more of what you really don't need.  Be the best you can be and never stop trying to become better, for nothing more then liking who you are.  Love, Trust, and Believe in who you are and change the things you can.