Faith: ROMANS 12:2 - UNANSWERED PRAYERS

At what point in your journey 

would you choose to go back to 

if that option were provided to you?

This is the question I not only ask myself quite often, it is also asked of me many times as well.  It is, in fact, a game my friends and I play with each other when we are chilling, hanging out together.  It is not a real serious game and I am sure when we are sitting around asking and answering this question, not many of us are putting much thought into it.  I remember at one point being asked this question and answering "I would choose to go back to the beginning of this conversation and never let it happen.  It is 15 minutes I will never get back."

I have thought about this question many nights as I laid in bed trying to fall asleep from exhaustion but also trying to stay awake to avoid the nightmares.  There are many points in my journey I would go back to if I was allowed to go back.  The death of Gracie is one of them, as is the death of my brother Joey.  It is not that I do not miss all the deaths in between the deaths of those two angels above me, but those are the deaths I mourn the most.  The brother who tried to save me from an abusive 'dad' and the little princess who I could not save from death.  

Both of those deaths always seems like they happened just days ago.  The memories of the final days with both of them are forever etched in my mind, my heart, and my soul.  Tragic as they were to me, both died expectantly due to cancer, the end of their lives on earth a sure thing.  The only hope either of them had was to advance directly to Heaven, moving swiftly from one journey to the next.  Joey's final days collected into a little more than a year of his 24 years on earth, Gracie's final days fell short of her ninth birthday. 

So the real question is this:  

What would you be willing 

to give up in order to go 

backwards in time?

I loved my brother Joey more then life itself, and I can prove that by how much I still love him even though he is gone.  I would cherish more time on earth with Joey and I imagine how nice it would be to have celebrated his last six birthdays with him.  To move along in my journey next to his as we grew old together until a time when our final breaths were only days apart from each other.  To share our lives together and celebrate countless birthdays, graduations, and weddings our families would encounter.

So taking a look at the last six plus years had Joey lived, the list of what I would have lost out on grows by the day.  Six years filled with new life, more deaths, many friends, and a growing Misfit family would be gone.  Living my dream of a college degree in Journalism may have never come through for me.  Living on the east coast and getting to know my brother Jordy may have never happened.  Watching Joey's best friends Mikey and Jake take on life's challenges would probably have been dull and boring in comparison to the success I have watched them swim in.  Two of three confirmed bachelors for life, one married and the other one becoming a father to me, may have halted the new life I experience in their lives today.  The friends I've made, the bonds I've formed, may have never grew into the relationships I have with them now.

The time I spent with my Amazing Gracie was short but full of life changing experiences.  Going back in time to the moment I met Gracie would mean I would not get to walk those final months with her in her life on earth.  The life lessons I learned from that eight year old child would be lost to me forever.  The strength she showed me I had inside of me to visit sick children and comfort their distraught parents would still be pushed down inside of me and perhaps never be revealed.  The courage she gave me to face life head on no matter what struggles I faced would be buried in the memories of my past and never seen.  The pinky swears and promises, the barbie doll play dates, her bossy sassy ways of dealing with the boy with the funny name would never be revealed in my world.  

Truth be known, given the option to go back in time or keep everything life has dealt me, good and bad, I would stay where I am today in my journey.  I will always want Joey and Gracie back in my life with me.  I will always long for the smiles and laughter I shared with my angels now flying above me, but I would not want to give up a moment of the time I have been journeying on without them breathing the same earths air as I am.  My heart will forever ache in their absence even though the memories continue to fill in the breaks in my heart.  I will always honor the friendships I shared with them and the touch of our souls.  I will forever be grateful for the moments I was given with them, no matter how short that time seemed to be. 

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,

 that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, 

what is good and acceptable and perfect.

The will of God overpowers even the prayers we ask of Him in an effort to change the path he has set before us.  We test the will of God by asking for a better outcome when things start to go astray in our lives  We are hesitant to accept disappoint as lessons and heart breaks as something good.  We challenge what we do not understand and are unwilling to accept those things given to as as gifts in disguise.  We fail to see that we are not in control of our own destiny and continue try and alter the plan implanted in our souls the day we come into the world.  Spend more time thinking about your destiny in God's plan and less time trying to change it.  Every now and then, stop and thank God for all your unanswered prayers.

UNANSWERED PRAYERS (Garth Brooks)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7umsq5n1THw

Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

GOD'S WILL reveals itself through UNANSWERED PRAYERS
WHAT IS GOOD. ACCEPTABLE. AND PERFECT