The worst thing about being laid up with a broken collar bone? Too much time to allow the mind to wander. Even though it seems as if it's been much longer, it's only been a week. The rainbow in this latest down pour of rain I call a bad break (no pun intended) is the opportunity to reach out to those I am long overdue in making contact with. The chance to catch up with everyone was really refreshing as I don't feel I often take the time, or make the time, to really see how everyone is really coming along in their journey on earth. I am committed to reaching out to more of those on my overdue to talk to list these next seven days which will put me at the two week mark in my injury.
I had the chance to communicate on and off these past seven days with my friend Pastor Jill from Florida. I met PJ through my Gracie blogs when one of our followers contacted her regarding them and she decided to follow that thread on my blogspot site. It was not so much the Gracie side of the blogs she was following, but the christian aspect of how they were written. PJ was concerned for Gracie and prayed for her and her family to find comfort and strength in what they were facing, however it was the faith of the story that drew PJ in. Her mission as a pastor is working with the youth in her community to help them find faith, and build upon it, as they journey with her on the path of Christianity.
What PJ was looking for in befriending me was an insight to my faith. While I appreciated her interest in seeking me out to find out where I found faith, I've not ever felt that my faith was strong. Or at least strong enough for someone to take interest on how it was formed and how it is nurtured and grows as I walk my journey. PJ flew from Florida to Boston and we met and spent a day together talking about our different takes on the world of God and religion. We felt we were both on the same page in our paths of life, walking on the same road, only several miles apart, to find our way to Heaven. Through my Administrative Assistant PJ has been given permission to use my blogs to communicate to her youth group students in my walk of faith on earth.
(I think most everyone who follows my work is aware I have an Administrative Assistant who assists me with my blogging. While working with Gracie on her story and writing my side of Gracie's story, the following of my blogs became so vast so quickly that it was impossible for me to keep up with it all. Being a full time college student, working at a publishing company as an intern, blogging about so many different topics, with recreational hockey play and spending important time with my Misfit family, it all become overwhelming. I sought out the help of Ms Lit, my high school English teacher who is also my biggest mentor. She was more than happy to offer her services as my Admin Assistant to help me keep moving in the right direction and keeping my blog following friends informed and in touch. Through the help of Ms Lit I am able to stay one step ahead of my goal in becoming an established journalist.)
Pastor Jill is working on an agenda for her next youth group ministry. She decided to check in with me to see what life has been dealing me since we last spoke. We spoke a lot about faith and how it continues to grow inside of us, often when we do not even know, or feel, that it is. I really like and respect that PJ's lessons are faith based and driven. She brings this out in her students, teaching them not only what faith is, but helps them see the faith they have in them, and gives them direction in growing their faith. The one topic PJ and I always agree on is the importance of God and faith in our lives. I was surprised when I told her of my upcoming trip to attend The Long Island Mediums reading that she was totally 100% in disagreement over this.
She told me "faith is believing what you do not know" and "trying to have someone else confirm your faith and your belief is not having faith". I was crushed that the friend who believed in me based on my stance on faith was disappointed that I was seeking a medium to confirm the presence of the deceased in my life. I explained to PJ that I do have faith in after life and eternity. That I do believe in angels and spirits that fly among us and protect us from ourselves. This was, and may be, the only topic that PJ and I disagree with completely. We are on either side of a line drawn between trust and faith. Thank God we respect each other to remain true to our friendship despite this flaw we found in each other.
I think if you are in the position of losses so great it leaves holes in your heart you would have a better understanding of the need for confirmation of your loved ones being with you. I am not talking about closure as you often hear of when someone looks for the comfort of things gone wrong with no clear reason or explanation to why they are gone. My closure came with-in days of each death of a loved one. I do not fear death, I do not wish to die, but I know to reach our final destination in our journey we will all need to die. It was not easy to let go of my loved ones, however I know they are in a more beautiful place then they were on earth. The struggles they faced in their life ended the day God took them home. I can handle that with complete trust and faith knowing they are at peace in their hearts and their souls are resting in the Promise Land.
I am talking about confirmation that the times I feel them near me, or hear them 'talk' to me, that they are truly there and it is not my imagination playing tricks on me. I have seen them in my sleep and I have seen them in the most challenging times of my life. Like when I was sick with mono and I was experiencing some very painful times. I was so out of it that I could not remember when I took my meds or if I had so I continued to takethem to stop the pain. I tried to get up to go get more pills for the pain but felt I was being sat on by my brother Joey and he was telling me to relax, everything will be ok. A peaceful calm came over me as I laid back and relaxed, feeling the weight of my deceased brother on me, preventing me from taking even more medication. The pain subsided as I drifted off to sleep thinking how comforting it was that Joey was with me and protecting me. I remembered all the details when I woke up and I felt it was not a dream.
I have had many instances like this but I have never trusted they were not dreams, not matter how real they felt to be. I have been comforted not only by Joey but also by Gracie. I have been 'visited' by my mom, and others that have passed over to the other side. As time goes on and I have lost more and more people in my life to death, I hear more, I see more, I feel more. I am so ready to see if these visits and conversations can be confirmed by someone outside of my circle of life. To see if my imagination is running amok or if I am truly being guarded and guided by the angels in my life.
I do miss those that I have lost in life but I do not feel I miss them to the point where I imagine they are communicating with me. I do not believe it is wrong to want confirmation that what I feel is real. I do not believe it is a lack of faith or trust in God to ask for this confirmation. I do believe in God, I do believe in eternity, and I do believe that spirits of the souls gone ahead of me protect and guide us. What I want to be confirmed is that they communicate with us in a way we can feel them near us. That they do protect us with a gentle touch to help change our directions. That they do laugh in our ears and whisper to us with the wind. That the unexpected turns in our life are those loved ones setting us back on the path God has laid out before us.
I feel it is real, I have faith that they are with me, I want confirmation that my mind does not play tricks on me. If you've ever felt the hair on your arms move, or if you've ever heard a whisper in the air, or if you've ever felt a touch when no one was there, you know where I am coming from on this topic of debate. If you've ever suddenly felt a tear drop from your eye without reason, or a warm feeling in your heart, or a tap on your shoulder when you know you're alone, you know what I am trying to get confirmed.
Sometimes the unexplained is just that and things that happen, happen for no reason at all. Sometimes life just plain messes with you to see how much further it can push you around. Sometimes you just believe to believe and trust because it's never been broken. Sometimes your heart hurts because you did a poor job of protecting it against the odds. Sometimes you just sing and dance because you feel like it. Sometimes you smile when you see a random act of kindness take place and do not even realize you just did. Sometimes you get back up when you fall because you know its the right thing to do. Sometimes you cry when there is nothing to really cry about. Sometimes you dream because life is good. Sometimes you have nightmares because life is not good. Sometimes you love, because you want to be loved back. Sometimes it's real, and sometimes its not. Sometimes you trust and sometimes you question that trust. Sometimes you believe, and sometimes you want to believe.
My faith in God and his work is stronger then the faith I have in believing and trusting in myself. There are days when I know I need to build upon both my faith in myself and my faith in God. Strengthening one, will for certain strengthen the other. Each passing day I am provided with steps that challenge both my faith and trust. Each passing day I wake up the next with a stronger belief in both. Thank you Pastor Jill, for standing up for what you believe, and allowing me to stand up for what I feel is right.
I had the chance to communicate on and off these past seven days with my friend Pastor Jill from Florida. I met PJ through my Gracie blogs when one of our followers contacted her regarding them and she decided to follow that thread on my blogspot site. It was not so much the Gracie side of the blogs she was following, but the christian aspect of how they were written. PJ was concerned for Gracie and prayed for her and her family to find comfort and strength in what they were facing, however it was the faith of the story that drew PJ in. Her mission as a pastor is working with the youth in her community to help them find faith, and build upon it, as they journey with her on the path of Christianity.
What PJ was looking for in befriending me was an insight to my faith. While I appreciated her interest in seeking me out to find out where I found faith, I've not ever felt that my faith was strong. Or at least strong enough for someone to take interest on how it was formed and how it is nurtured and grows as I walk my journey. PJ flew from Florida to Boston and we met and spent a day together talking about our different takes on the world of God and religion. We felt we were both on the same page in our paths of life, walking on the same road, only several miles apart, to find our way to Heaven. Through my Administrative Assistant PJ has been given permission to use my blogs to communicate to her youth group students in my walk of faith on earth.
(I think most everyone who follows my work is aware I have an Administrative Assistant who assists me with my blogging. While working with Gracie on her story and writing my side of Gracie's story, the following of my blogs became so vast so quickly that it was impossible for me to keep up with it all. Being a full time college student, working at a publishing company as an intern, blogging about so many different topics, with recreational hockey play and spending important time with my Misfit family, it all become overwhelming. I sought out the help of Ms Lit, my high school English teacher who is also my biggest mentor. She was more than happy to offer her services as my Admin Assistant to help me keep moving in the right direction and keeping my blog following friends informed and in touch. Through the help of Ms Lit I am able to stay one step ahead of my goal in becoming an established journalist.)
Pastor Jill is working on an agenda for her next youth group ministry. She decided to check in with me to see what life has been dealing me since we last spoke. We spoke a lot about faith and how it continues to grow inside of us, often when we do not even know, or feel, that it is. I really like and respect that PJ's lessons are faith based and driven. She brings this out in her students, teaching them not only what faith is, but helps them see the faith they have in them, and gives them direction in growing their faith. The one topic PJ and I always agree on is the importance of God and faith in our lives. I was surprised when I told her of my upcoming trip to attend The Long Island Mediums reading that she was totally 100% in disagreement over this.
She told me "faith is believing what you do not know" and "trying to have someone else confirm your faith and your belief is not having faith". I was crushed that the friend who believed in me based on my stance on faith was disappointed that I was seeking a medium to confirm the presence of the deceased in my life. I explained to PJ that I do have faith in after life and eternity. That I do believe in angels and spirits that fly among us and protect us from ourselves. This was, and may be, the only topic that PJ and I disagree with completely. We are on either side of a line drawn between trust and faith. Thank God we respect each other to remain true to our friendship despite this flaw we found in each other.
I think if you are in the position of losses so great it leaves holes in your heart you would have a better understanding of the need for confirmation of your loved ones being with you. I am not talking about closure as you often hear of when someone looks for the comfort of things gone wrong with no clear reason or explanation to why they are gone. My closure came with-in days of each death of a loved one. I do not fear death, I do not wish to die, but I know to reach our final destination in our journey we will all need to die. It was not easy to let go of my loved ones, however I know they are in a more beautiful place then they were on earth. The struggles they faced in their life ended the day God took them home. I can handle that with complete trust and faith knowing they are at peace in their hearts and their souls are resting in the Promise Land.
I am talking about confirmation that the times I feel them near me, or hear them 'talk' to me, that they are truly there and it is not my imagination playing tricks on me. I have seen them in my sleep and I have seen them in the most challenging times of my life. Like when I was sick with mono and I was experiencing some very painful times. I was so out of it that I could not remember when I took my meds or if I had so I continued to takethem to stop the pain. I tried to get up to go get more pills for the pain but felt I was being sat on by my brother Joey and he was telling me to relax, everything will be ok. A peaceful calm came over me as I laid back and relaxed, feeling the weight of my deceased brother on me, preventing me from taking even more medication. The pain subsided as I drifted off to sleep thinking how comforting it was that Joey was with me and protecting me. I remembered all the details when I woke up and I felt it was not a dream.
I have had many instances like this but I have never trusted they were not dreams, not matter how real they felt to be. I have been comforted not only by Joey but also by Gracie. I have been 'visited' by my mom, and others that have passed over to the other side. As time goes on and I have lost more and more people in my life to death, I hear more, I see more, I feel more. I am so ready to see if these visits and conversations can be confirmed by someone outside of my circle of life. To see if my imagination is running amok or if I am truly being guarded and guided by the angels in my life.
I do miss those that I have lost in life but I do not feel I miss them to the point where I imagine they are communicating with me. I do not believe it is wrong to want confirmation that what I feel is real. I do not believe it is a lack of faith or trust in God to ask for this confirmation. I do believe in God, I do believe in eternity, and I do believe that spirits of the souls gone ahead of me protect and guide us. What I want to be confirmed is that they communicate with us in a way we can feel them near us. That they do protect us with a gentle touch to help change our directions. That they do laugh in our ears and whisper to us with the wind. That the unexpected turns in our life are those loved ones setting us back on the path God has laid out before us.
I feel it is real, I have faith that they are with me, I want confirmation that my mind does not play tricks on me. If you've ever felt the hair on your arms move, or if you've ever heard a whisper in the air, or if you've ever felt a touch when no one was there, you know where I am coming from on this topic of debate. If you've ever suddenly felt a tear drop from your eye without reason, or a warm feeling in your heart, or a tap on your shoulder when you know you're alone, you know what I am trying to get confirmed.
Sometimes the unexplained is just that and things that happen, happen for no reason at all. Sometimes life just plain messes with you to see how much further it can push you around. Sometimes you just believe to believe and trust because it's never been broken. Sometimes your heart hurts because you did a poor job of protecting it against the odds. Sometimes you just sing and dance because you feel like it. Sometimes you smile when you see a random act of kindness take place and do not even realize you just did. Sometimes you get back up when you fall because you know its the right thing to do. Sometimes you cry when there is nothing to really cry about. Sometimes you dream because life is good. Sometimes you have nightmares because life is not good. Sometimes you love, because you want to be loved back. Sometimes it's real, and sometimes its not. Sometimes you trust and sometimes you question that trust. Sometimes you believe, and sometimes you want to believe.
My faith in God and his work is stronger then the faith I have in believing and trusting in myself. There are days when I know I need to build upon both my faith in myself and my faith in God. Strengthening one, will for certain strengthen the other. Each passing day I am provided with steps that challenge both my faith and trust. Each passing day I wake up the next with a stronger belief in both. Thank you Pastor Jill, for standing up for what you believe, and allowing me to stand up for what I feel is right.
