Friends: The Golden Rule

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

Her name is Alana and on April 14 she would have been 21 years and 1 day old.  On April 13, 2013 Alana turned 21 years old, a day most post teens look forward to with excitement and anticipation.  All indications from the excitement Alana showed while helping her family plan her birthday party was she was as excited as any normal 20 year old soon to be considered a legal adult in every sense of the word.

It was Saturday morning and on this evening her family would share a dinner in their home followed by birthday cake, ice cream and gifts for the girl who was celebrating the big 21.  Her mother, her younger sister and her had went shopping on this Saturday morning.  Her first birthday gift was a new outfit, Baby Phat Jeans and a tee shirt.  An outfit completely out of the ordinary for a girl who was modest and low key.  Her mother was happy to buy her this gift, the daughter who never needed or wanted anything more then what already hung in her own closet.  It was a great shopping day for Alana and her sister and her mother.  They had a lot of fun and shared a lunch at Blunch's in Boston, where they would sit outside and eat lunch before they returned home after almost three hours of shopping.  A day to be remembered for sure, by the women that shared this time together.

There would be no special decorations for the dinner and celebration.  This was true to how Alana lived her life.  Very low-key, very natural.  As natural as her beauty from the outside to the inside.  Alana choose homemade pizza, pink lemonade, and a white cake with chocolate chip ice cream.  That was not Alana's favorite meal, but it was a no hassle meal and she never did anything that made more work for her homemaker mother.  The afternoon would be spent as if Alana's birthday was not on this very special day.  Her brother Alan would go play basketball at the Y with his buddies.  Her sister Alice would go two doors down and spend her afternoon with her best friend, listening to music and talking about boys.  Her mother would work on the piling up laundry and do various normal household chores.  Her father would take the car in for an oil change and have it cleaned.  Life on Alana's 21st birthday would be as normal as if it were any other day in the life or her family.  Just as she would want it to be, just like every birthday before where she was uncomfortable with the attention and did her best to make it as low-key as possible.  And her family would abide by her wishes to carry on as normal, it's just another day.

Alana's family love her deeply and knew her well.  The quiet average girl who spoke softly and loved big.  The daughter who never raised their concern for the safety and welfare of their sweet Alana who walked the line of good, never followed the crowd into teenage antics or college friends drinking binges.  The daughter who had many friends but kept her family as her best friends.  The daughter who never spoke a bad word about anyone in her life.   The same one that volunteered at their church, and at the food pantry. The one that cheered on her brother in his sports and her sister in her cheer leading activities.  All with a smile as bright as a sunny summer day.

It would not be until the day after Alana's 21st birthday that her family would get to know the girl with so much pain inside her heart that she could no longer live to fool everyone who loved her, or herself.  It would be hard to piece together because everyone, including her boyfriend of two years, were fooled by her bright smile and her goodwill nature.  Had it not been for a journal full of her true feelings, from deep down in her troubled soul, they would have been left wondering why Alana came to the conclusion that she could no longer continue her journey on earth.  

While her sister was two doors down, and her mother was doing chores in their home, and her father was having the car cleaned and her brother was out with his friends, Alana dressed herself in her new birthday outfit, on her 21st birthday.  She wrote a note to her family, a note to her boyfriend, set out her journal for them to find, and pinned a note to the girls who determined her fate, on her new shirt.  Alana successfully hanged herself Saturday afternoon on her 21st birthday.  She made her peace with God and by her own doing freed herself of all the pain in her heart to go beyond a breath of life into the unknown afterlife to meet with her Maker.

I met Alana through one of my friends who was her boyfriend for two years.  I only visited with Alana twice ever and I knew her as her family knew her.  Kind, happy, giving, caring.  I remember telling my friend he found a keeper, a very natural beauty whose insides were as impressive as her outside.  I wish I could have gotten to know her better, on a more friendship based level.  

I attended her funeral services on Saturday, with a mass, the burial, and a small gathering at the church where a dinner was served.  Homemade pizza, pink lemonade, lots of white birthday cake with chocolate chip ice cream.  A fine tribute to a life lost before it was called home by God.  An early departure on earth meant an early arrival in God's Kingdom.  I was told about the day Alana was born by her mother.  A beautiful sunny April day, a gift from God, not just the day but the birth of her daughter as well.  Alana's dad told me how him and Alana used to work the New York Times crossword every Sunday.  Memories that will carry her family through the days now that she is no longer with them to make more memories.  A family left with questions that can not be answered.  Pain that will not go away.  Sadness that leaves them wondering what they could have done differently. 

Rest in Peace Alana, our newest angel in heaven.  May God's light shine in your heart and reflect on the lives of those who loved you, the lives of those who did not accept you for who you are, and the lives of all those touched by your beauty and kindness.  You set yourself free of the pain and suffering inside your heart, now spread those wings and watch over our pain and suffering, protecting us from the evils of the world. - Jett

The best and most beautiful things

 in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller

If everyone in the universe would act upon the feelings in their hearts, the kindness in their hearts, the world would prove to be a better place.  Your outside beauty is not what defines you as a beautiful person.  Your beauty is defined by how you treat others, how you touch other peoples hearts.  I learned that from an eight year old little girl dying of cancer.  Several young girls learned that yesterday at the funeral of the beautiful soul they pushed to deaths door.  I wonder how many people would be kinder to others if they walked through life as if they were looking in a mirror when they spoke to others.

The GOLDEN RULE

One should treat others as one would 

like others to treat oneself.

 

Faith: 1 Corinthians 4:5 :: Judgement Belongs To God

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, 

for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, 

which God has promised to those who love him.

I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to blaming God for the tragic events that take place in my life.  The older I get and the more secure in my faith I become the more I realize that without sorrow and pain in my life, my life would not be as fruitful as it has become.

Today's Sunday service took me down yet another path of realization in all that has happened to me since my earliest childhood memory at the age of seven when my father first physically abused me, leading to seven years of physical, mental and sexual abuse.  I remember that day as if it were yesterday and even though I am six plus years removed from that abuse, the pain in my heart and the confusion in my mind is as real as reliving those days over again.

Sunday Mass is always exhilarating and refreshing to my soul.  I will admit that there are Sunday's where I feel I am not fully participating in the service and I will sit and reflect on something in my life that is weighing heavy on my mind.  I never walk out of a church service where I have not learned something about myself that I never realized before.  I am not your typical catholic parishioner, even though I rarely miss a Sunday service or religious holiday Mass, there are several things about the Catholic church I do not agree with.  I believe in God and I believe in his plans for me on earth as well as in heaven when that day arrives.  I walk along my journey, accepting all that is good and bad and try to be a good citizen to my community, a good brother and uncle to my family, a good boyfriend to my girlfriend, a good friend to my friends, and a good Christian to those that cross my path. 

There is a strength in me that only God could have put in me.  I have survived some of the most horrible crimes against a child ever recorded.  I have survived the pain of three sibling deaths.  I have survived the death of my mom, and yes, even the death of the man who I find it hard to call my dad.  I am learning to survive with the gifts God has given me, my writing skills and my spiritual callings.  I have been blessed with an athletic nature and a musical talent that allow me to enjoy an even bigger social life then a guy could ask for.  The many blessings of God have surely shined down on my soul and for all that is good I am thankful for.

As crazy as this may sound, I have also learned to be thankful to God for the times of despair and duress in my life.  I have accepted the things that have happened to me even though I do not understand them.  I have resolved God of all blame and accepted that those life lessons have made me who I am today and will strengthen me for who I will become and what I will endure in the future.  I know I can always be a better form of who I currently am, and I accept that tragedy in my life will help me become a more complete Christian as I journey on earth, preparing for my journey with God.

1 Corinthians 4:5

Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, 

before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now

 hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. 

Then each one will receive his commendation from God. 

Doubting God's plan and blaming God for the evils of the earth is an easy way to relieve ourselves of the responsibility of living a good Christina life.  I have blogged about the Ten Commandments given to us by God to guide us in our journey's on earth.  The importance of following those commandments is proven time and time again in a world were hurting others at the expense of our own beliefs has altered the lives of many innocent and endangered the lives of many more.  Beyond the Ten Commandments issued to us by a forgiving God is a gift we are all born with no matter what race or religion we decent from. Humanity.  The quality of being humane and kind.  The main trigger in knowing right from wrong.  The lone common denominator of all human beings.  Born into a world where living good is the only option as long as we are loved and share our love with others.  

God provided us with the gift of life.  All we have to do is be kind to one other.  Yet when we don't use the tools provided to us by God to be kind and treat each other in a humane fashion and tragedy occurs, it is God we blame.  We weep and we mourn and we cast judgement on our Maker.  We judge and blame the people we love, the people we hate, the people we do not know, and the God that gave us life.  As I said before, I also blame God and try to convince myself I am the victim.  The closer I get to God, the more I let the spirit live inside of me, the less I blame Him.  The more I pray the less I find myself wondering why God let things happen and more of what I could do differently to be a better human being in a world where it is not God who cast tragedy upon us, but it is us humans who allow these things to happen.

We show hate to those that do not worship as we do  We show hate to those who have things we do not.  We rage in anger and jealousy towards anyone that is not like us.  We judge others for being short, or tall.  Thick or thin.  White or not.  We try to destroy others that do not live under the same laws and rules as we do.  We try to convince others our way is the only way.  We seek revenge when wronged.  It is not God who does these things.  It is ourselves.  We are destroying a world that was loaned to us in our journey to whatever Kingdom our God has promised us.  All we really have to do is be kind to each other.

“You must not lose faith in humanity. 

Humanity is like an ocean; 

if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, 

the ocean does not become dirty.” 

- Mahatma Gandhi

 “One love, one heart, one destiny.”  

- Bob Marley

“Life is to be lived, not controlled; 

and humanity is won by continuing

 to play in face of certain defeat.”  

 - Ralph Ellison