Amazing Grace 43: A Walk In The Park

It's probably nothing compared to the park Gracie went to a few short weeks ago, but Boston Public Garden is one of the most beautiful parks you can access when you just want to chill in the world.  When Gracie first told me about God's Park, where she would wait until my brother Joey came to get her to take her to God and spend her eternal life with him in Heaven, I found much comfort in the journey to Heaven she would be taking. 

I also found comfort in my heart that perhaps all my family and friends that have taken that step into their final journey home found peace with-in themselves as they sat in God's Park waiting for their invitation into the most holiest places you can be.  Most of us know this resting place that Gracie referred to as God's Park as Purgatory, which the bible references as the place you go when you die in grace to work out the remaining purification of your soul until it is believed by God you are ready to enter into eternal life with him.

My personal belief about Purgatory is that the less time you spend there the sooner you will join your loved ones in eternity.  I believe the closer you are to God on earth, the less purification of your soul will be required to go to Heaven from God's Park.  We all have goals in life, mostly so we can live in the moment.  I have many small goals I need to accomplish so I can reach my main goal.  I work hard to obtain all my goals and I have people who work with me to keep me focused and on track. 

As my journey on earth continues, year by year, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, I realize every second I breathe my ultimate goal is to get to eternity.  Today as I walked in the park with our family friend Maggie I thought a lot about Gracie and the short time she had on earth.  She was not even nine years old but she taught me so much about life that I will never be able to match her strength and courage in the breaths she took while walking her journey on earth. 

The hours I spent visiting with Gracie will never replace the seconds I now live without her.  There was not a day went by that when I visited with her I did not learn a life lesson.  Most of those lessons I am just now coming to realize what they meant to me and my future.  Today my thoughts about Gracie and her words about God and God's Park and Heaven have me deep in thought about what life's goals should truly be.  Maggie and I talked about this as we walked along the paths in the park surrounded by the beauty that God allows us to see if we just look with the right amount of faith in all he has to offer us on earth.

"Nothing in life will ever be as free and feel as right as accepting God's love into your life and sharing it with those people who surround you", Maggie offered me.  We had stopped and sat on a bench for a few moments, giving in to the smell of the flowers that a gentle breeze was bringing to life with a sweet aroma as if someone had walked by us, leaving behind a scent of nature.  I knew what she was saying and I agreed. You can obtain anything on earth that you wish to have if you work hard enough, and long enough, to save the money to get it.  But the things that will carry you to eternal life with God are free.  A kind word, a warm touch, a hug, a smile.  Family, friends, faith.  Free.  All of those things are given away for free, and it cost nothing to accept them.  They are the very things that will get you through life, get you into God's Park, and earn you an invitation into Heaven.  They are the very things that make Heaven, well, Heaven.

The only things I can see being just as free as those things, but make you feel better, would be to seek out those on earth that for some reason cannot find a kind word, or a warm touch, or a hug, or even a smile.  Perhaps they have no family, no friends, no faith.  Perhaps they do not realize these things are free, all you have to do is give them, and be willing to accept them. 

Living life is not always going to be a walk in the park and there will be some days where we will may feel everything we want, or everything we get, will be enough to burn the happiness candle inside of us forever.  There will be days when we are unwilling to give, or accept, the free things in life that others have to offer to us, or may need from us.  There will be days when our minds slip and we think only about the goals we have here on earth and forget about the goal of eternal life with God in his Kingdom.  Think of those as our days in Purgatory, where we will relive those moments on earth when we felt we were undeserving, or over deserving.

I am reminded of Gracie who had to deal with the horrible purification of a terminal brain cancer on earth to get to God's Park, so she could get to Heaven.  She had a beautiful heart, a beautiful mind, and a beautiful soul.  Nothing material was as important to her as her leaving her loved ones behind in the best possible condition she could in handling her loss.  Leaving them with so many great memories to hold onto as they continue their journey's on earth without her.  Freely giving them hugs and smiles and plenty of attitude to keep them laughing so they would not cry.  Bringing together her family, friends, and even strangers to share their faith in what should be the one goal all living beings have in common here on earth ... to reach Heaven by way of Purgatory where they will sit and ponder what was truly free on earth, and what price they paid for the things that were not free.

A walk in the park is free, as is the beauty you open your eyes too.  You and God are the only two that truly know what your heart holds, and how you distribute the free things in life.  You can fool almost anyone you want to as you take your walk in the park, but personally I feel it is easier to be who you are, fool no one, love everyone, and don't wait for your time in God's Park to face how you treat others, do it in earths parks.

"I miss you Gracie, and not a day goes by when I do not think of you in heaven with my family that is there with you.  I can still feel your warm touch, your little baby hugs. I can still hear your laughter and your sassy bossy demands.  There are times when I feel I can see you walking around as if you were not gone. Smiles and hugs".   Jett

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  ~Leo Buscaglia

Amazing Grace 42: Hand Prints On Your Heart

Having faith does not mean you will never experience negative emotions or never have days that you feel defeated.  Having faith means you will eventually allow God to carry you through those times when life on earth seems to much to handle.

We are reminded of this in the popular poem "FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND", or as Grace and I used to say "HAND PRINTS ON YOUR HEART".  I had printed the poem out to take with me on one of my visits to Grace while she was still receiving treatments for her brain cancer.  Grace felt that although it was a beautiful poem, it only reached those that ever experienced a walk on the beach.  So we threw around some other ideas of how to reach everyone with the concept of God always being with us.  "Well everyone has a heart Jett, and God touches everyone even if they do not feel it", she would say.  So she decided that we would come up with a poem about hand prints on your heart to let everyone know that you are never alone if you let God be your friend.

I often talked to Grace about God during the 'interview' portions of our visits.  I was fascinated by how strong Grace's belief in God was, considering her parents were catholic, but not practicing catholics.  They hardly ever attended Sunday services and it was not a common conversation for them in their home.  When I visited Grace at her home there were obvious signs of religion in their house, but it was more in the lines of decorations than it was to honor our Lord.  There were crosses throughout the home hung on walls in various rooms.  When you walked into their dinning area there was a beautiful art wall hanging of the Last Supper.  In the hallway there was a picture of the Blessed Mary holding baby Jesus above a shelf holding two angel statues.  It was obvious to me that they believed in God but what I would learn from getting to know this family was that they silently believed in God's plan for eternal life.  I do not believe they felt their faith would be so strongly tested when they learned that their only child, a beautiful daughter, would be taken from them in such a short time.

Prior to Grace's final breaths on earth I would spend many hours laying in bed during the night admiring the strength and courage they displayed for everyone to witness as Grace's life was slowly being taken from them.  It is not that I had never seen them break down on occasion when the emotion of the day or the challenge of the treatments was just more than they could grasp in one day.  It's the strength in which they mustered up to keep moving forward, day after day, knowing that those days were running out.  Balancing the day they would perhaps experience the greatest loss of life they ever will, with maintaining the quality of the days they still had to spend with Grace.

I watched as Bill adored and loved and connected with his 'daddies little girl' as if he would one day surrender her to the boy who would steal the part of her heart that daddy did not occupy.  I watched as Annie mothered and continued to groom her beautiful daughter as if one day she would wear the crown of a princess.  I also watched as Bill would break down outside the room his daughter received her treatments in after listening to Grace give me instructions on how to help her mommy and daddy through the days following her death.  I also watched as Annie become exhausted to the point of tears after countless hours of running her household in an effort to keep it free of germs to protect her fragile baby girl.

It had been three weeks since Gracie left her journey on earth and started her journey of eternal life in heaven.  It has been over a week since I had last seen her parents, when we went fishing and spent a few hours together out on the boat.  I walked away that day considering them life long friends with the promise of keeping in touch with them and making sure the three of us were doing OK considering the little girl we can no longer hug outside our hearts was gone.  Today I would met up with them for a bite to eat and a visit.  Today I would reveal to them the video that Gracie had made for them.

Why today?  Pinky Promise:  "Give them my video between my mommy's birthday and father's day.  That is when I would like them to have it.  It is my gift to them.  You have to do it for me."

So today I grabbed the package we had put the video in with a homemade card attached to it and headed off to meet Bill and Annie.  I was anxious to see them for many reasons.  The selfish reason was because I miss Gracie so much and seeing them meant I was still a part of her life, even though she is no longer with us.  I had stopped and bought two cards, one for Annie's birthday which was on Friday and one for Bill for Father's Day which was on Sunday.  Birthdays and holidays still existed, even if the reason for them was not present in the being.  I knew it was just as much for me, as it was for them, that I was doing this.  The connection the three of us had in our hearts was enough for me to want to hang on to these two new friends in my life, I needed them, and I felt they also needed me.

Greetings with hugs and smiles, ordering our meals and drinks, and we were engaged in the how we were doing conversations we all had anticipated.  I felt they were doing remarkably well for the loss they so recently suffered.  They had found the drawings that were done in Grace's closet and we talked about that for a while.  They had found many notes around their home that Gracie had written and hid for them.  I assured them they would be finding many more and told them she worked endlessly on them and how she had me smuggle post-it notes to her and how she had me on the search for certain colors for certain days.  We shared many laughs about how well she controlled my every move.  I told them how I missed her sassy bossy ways and would find myself laughing to myself when something reminded me of a time where she would order me to do this or do that.

Annie began to tell me that she has started to read the blogs just this past week.  She was very weepy as she talked about them.  I could tell it was hard for her to read them and I felt a little bad about that.  I told her I was happy she was finding the strength to read them and talked about how Gracie was 90% in control of what we wrote in "our" blogs.  How I had to read them to her after each one we published and how I would read emails and messages that were sent to "us" about them from family, friends, and strangers.  I reminded Annie that Grace got much enjoyment out of them and that this whole process was started when she asked me if I would help her write the story of her life.  I told her it was very hard on me emotionally to work on the blogs but that I would not trade those moments back in time for anything in the world.

I also let Annie know it was OK if she felt she could not finish reading them, and even if one day when the story of Gracie is published she did not feel it was a book she could read, I completely understood.  I also reminded her that it is not me she had to reckon with, it was Gracie.  After all, I told her, I had to go fishing per Gracie and it was one of my most least favorite things to do in the world.  I at least got her to smile today, but I think Annie was just having a day where she felt defeated in her efforts to celebrate the life Grace had lived, verses the short time she was with us to live it.  And that's OK because I know that Annie believes in God, and trusts in God's plan for us, and understands she does not walk alone in her pain.

We sat and visited for almost two hours when I decided to give them the cards from me, as well as the CD that contained a message to them from Grace.  As soon as Annie took it out of the bag she put that CD against her heart and hugged it tight.  It was as if she were holding Grace close to her, in that little CD.  I knew it would be hard for them to watch, but I also knew it would bring them much joy in the end.  It would be a gift they would treasure forever, just like all the memories provided to them in the eight plus years they were able to spend with their daughter.  We have more hugs, and more smiles, and shed a few more tears together before departing for the day.  They would invite me to stop by the house anytime I felt I needed a visit, or just to stop in and sit for a few minutes to let them know how I was doing.  We would say goodbye for the day, all of OK.  All of us holding on to the faith each of us held in God's decision to reach down and guide Grace home to him.

It would be about four hours later today that my phone would beep.  I looked down to see that I had a message from "Amazing Grace".  I opened it up, knowing it was from Annie's number.  "You and Gracie did a beautiful job making our CD gift.  Thank you."  It made me smile for several reasons, one being that it had to have made them smile and remember some fun times with Gracie.  The second being, that somewhere up above, sat Gracie on a cloud with her feet hanging over, probably next to my brother Joey, smiling huge with sparkly green eyes, another Pinky Promise complete.

I text back a smiling face to Annie, put down my phone, and walked out to the back deck of the Misfit house.  I laid back in the lawn chair and closed my eyes.  I felt the warm sun shine down on my face, with a slight breeze passing by.  With my eyes closed I see a shadow pass over my face.  I open my eyes and look up to see a big white fluffy cloud drift by overhead.  I found myself eyeballing around the edges of the cloud, looking for a pair or two of feet hanging over.  I saw none, but that doesn't mean they were not there.

Footprints in the sand or hand prints on the heart, look at it anyway you wish, but today I know I do not walk alone.  I'm going to be OK.  We are all going to be OK. 

"Hand Prints On Your Heart: by Amazing Grace
 (with help from the boy with the funny name, Jett)

When I feel all alone like no one else is with me.
I just look inside my heart to see what I can see.
There is lots of love there, from all the days gone by.
So many people love me it makes me want to cry.

On the days I feel all alone like no one cares about me.
I just look inside my heart to see what I can see.
So much love lives in there it almost overflows.
So many people love me and it just grows and grows.

When I get sad and my heart feels really empty.
I think of all the wishes all my friends have sent me.
They may never have even met me or know who I really am.
But they left their hand prints on my heart, and now they are my friends.

So when your day is really sad and you think you are alone.
Put your hand to your chest and feel the love you own.
Feel the hand prints of the people who really do care.
They left them there to show you how to love and share.

Hand prints on your heart will never go away,
So don't be sad and lonely, go on and enjoy your day.
You are loved by many, even more than you could know.
For many people leave them there, to help you love and grow.

Amazing Grace 41: One Angel Leaves, Two More Arrive

Pinky Promise:  "You have to call my mommy and daddy when the babies get here Jett.  And you have to make them visit them and be friends to them.  They need to love more babies to teach themselves how to love again and not be afraid."

Mikey and his wife Kathy increased their family size by two yesterday afternoon.  Welcome to the world Abigail Grace and Isabella Faith.  My brand new baby nieces were two hours old when I first laid eyes on them.  I watched them bake for so many months it seemed unreal to me that I was looking at these two little girls freshly out of the womb and into the this big old scary crazy world. 

This is not the first time I got to witness the miracle of life, and due to my brother and his wife expecting their second child in October of this year, it will not be my last.  Ola (Olivia) , my brother Jordy's first child, is one and half and is the first baby brought into the Misfit world from her very first breath.  Mikey and Kathy's Baby C (Channing) was born just last June and is not even a year old yet, and is now accompanied by two baby sisters.  Little Dude (Jimmy) was already three when I met him for the very first time, and he is now five and half, and a big brother to Baby C, Abbey, and Izzy. 

If you asked me three years ago about being Uncle Jett, I would tell you we do not need any babies in our family, we are doing just fine without them.  Ask me today and I will tell you I cannot imagine life without these little bodies running our Misfit family.  I haven't had to put much effort into the wonder's and joy's of little kids and how they grow and change so quickly.  My dad would tell you I have been blessed with the mind of a three year old kid and the soul of a 80 year old man with a heart aged somewhere in between that kid and that old man.  I will be the first to admit to anyone that I am one of those uncle's that will stand back and get as much joy as I can out of watching a kid, while being a kid.

I recall watching Lil Dude at the age of four getting stuck between the door and the screen door yelling for me to "et me in dare, et me in dare" as I stood on the inside watching him through the window with a very snowy day in the background.  I don't know how many times I watched Baby C roll himself right between the chair and the footstool, stuck, trying to fight his way out of that tight mess.  Even Ola had me being 'that uncle' on several occasions, one of which she had her tiny hand stuck in a little bag size of cheetos and could not get it out and sat there shaking her hand until the bag fell off, knowing if she just let go of the handful of cheetos it would of not gotten stuck.  It may sound a little mean to you, but I thought I did pretty good not recording and posting these funny moments on YouTube or sending them to American's Funniest Videos and try to win money off these kids.

I will accept not winning Uncle of the Year, but I will argue with you until we're both blue in the face that I am the proudest uncle on earth.  I love these kids, all of them, and even the ones that come around the Misfits house on occasion with friends and family members.  I feel blessed that I can watch these little people grow in size and knowledge and try to grasp how they work.  I love thinking about what I see in them today that might show a sign of a future career for them. 

I stared at Abbey and Izzy yesterday, and again today, and I wondered what life would hold for these little miracles.  I thought about how I would see new things through their eyes and their actions.  I will enjoy watching them interact as siblings, as well as individuals.  Two more little beings to pray for on a daily basis.  Two more little bodies to watch grow and become individuals.  Twice of everything I love about watching Baby C, Lil Dude, and Ola.

Yes.  My heart has filled up further then I ever thought it could.  I can feel it bursting with love.  I cannot help but thank God for all that is good.  I thank God today for giving me such a special part of Grace's life. Because of Gracie, I know that there is enough room in my heart to store so much more love than I allow it to.  If I had to guess at one thing today, it would be that Grace played a role in the birth of these two precious little lives that doubled the amount of love in my heart for not one, but two more babies in my Misfit world.  Today when I visited my new baby nieces through the window I swear the reflection of myself cast on that window was shadowed by my little angel in heaven. 

I was a bit nervous to call Bill and Annie (Gracie's parents) and inform them that the babies were here so they could visit them, meet them, become part of their lives.  Annie answered the phone when I called, "Are they here?"   She seemed very excited and very anxious which relaxed my grip on the nervousness I felt when I made the call.  "Yes Annie, the girls are here."   She assured me her and Bill would visit the girls tonight and stop by and visit with Mikey and Kathy.  We made plans to have dinner one night this weekend and catch up on our lives since our fishing trip.  I was excited to meet with them and see how they were doing.

Dear Gracie, my little angel in heaven.  You were right.  There is more room in my heart to love more kids without letting go of any of the love I have for you.  I miss you deeply.  I am sorry I still cry at night when I say my prayers to you.  It is the only Pinky Promise I have not kept so far.  Love and miss you, your boyfriend, the boy with the funny name, Jett.

Amazing Grace 40: Birthday's in Heaven

Pinky Promise:  "Gracie, when you get to Heaven and you are visiting with Joey on his birthday, you have to sing Happy Birthday to him from me."

As the days grew increasingly closer to the end of Grace's walk on earth we talked more and more about that day as well as the days after she was gone.  Grace had asked me the question on one of our visits, "What do you think the day I was born on will be like for my mommy and my daddy after I die?  Do you think they will make it happy? Or sad? Or pretend that day does not exist?"

"Well",  I said to her, "I am always a little sadder on June 6 each year because that was Joey's birthday.  How I make it through the day is to remember how fun it was for him and my mom and myself when he was alive.  I always knew for sure on that day each year I would get to see Joey from the time he came to eat breakfast with me and my mom until after he ate dinner with us, my mom making him his favorite homemade meal."

"So you are both happy and sad on that day?", she asked me.

"Yes, Gracie, it is a very hard day still for me because even though I miss him everyday, on that one day, I miss him even more because it was a day we always shared together", I told her.

"I want you to be like that on my birthday too then, Jett", she bossed to me.  "Do not forget me, it is still my birthday when I am gone, you know."

"Yes, Gracie, I know.  I will always remember you, not just on your birthday, but every day before and after that day."

"Sing me the Happy Birthday song Jett, even though it is not my birthday."

And for the next 30 or so minutes Gracie and I sang and sang the Happy Birthday song.   We You Tubed birthday songs for another 30 minutes at least.  We listened to a lion, robots, animated characters, and celebrity's.  We heard lots of different versions, many with different words outside of the original words we are accustomed to.  We viewed a few tributes to those that have passed on.  One thing we both agreed on, that there is nothing more special than the original traditional birthday song that family's sang as they gathered around their table, lighting the candles, and singing while the birthday person blows out those candles and makes a wish.

"What did you always wish for Jett?", she asked me.  "Once I wished that my birthday cake was twice as big as it was, because I love cake.  One time I wished that when my mom cut the cake, lots of money popped out at me.  Mostly I just wished for everyone to have a good time", I answered.  "What stuff did you wish for Gracie?"

"Well, I am not as old as you are but I remember my last birthday wish was that my mommy and daddy would have another baby.  And the year before that I wished that I had prettier dresses to wear to school.  Neither wish came true for me until Joey brought you to us.  They get to have you for a son and I got three new pretty dresses since I met you", she stated matter of fact.  Gracie always made me smile, "We cannot be brother and sister AND boyfriend girlfriend."  I remember well the look she gave me and I knew what was, "Yes we can because I said so and the girls always are right."   Who was I to argue with the boss.  I know from ex girlfriends and sister-in-laws and a sassy little niece that girls really are the bosses.

I told Gracie I needed a pinky promise so as we hugged our pinky's I told Gracie she had to sing happy birthday to Joey in Heaven for me because I miss singing it to him.  Deal.  "But Jett", she would say, "you can still sing Happy Birthday to us when we are in Heaven.  We will hear you, you know."

So this past June 6th, on what would have been my brother Joey's 29th birthday had he not died five years ago I went to the doughnut shop and bought a jelly doughnut with vanilla frosting because that was Gracie's favorite doughnut.  At a minute before midnight, at the end of the day my brother had been born on, I stuck a single candle in that doughnut, lit it, and sang the traditional Happy Birthday song to my brother, knowing that I was in perfect harmony with my sweet little amazing Grace angel. 

My wish?  I no longer wish that no one will ever suffer the loss of someone they are close to and experience the pain, the loneliness, the emptiness and the broken heart that goes with the loss.  Death is not an option, but living life is.  It would be selfish to hope that no one will ever die and get to continue a journey through God free of pain and suffering and join him in eternal life.  My wish was that those of us waiting to join our loved ones again someday in eternity would remember the good times, cherish the time we got to spend with them, and prepare ourselves so that once we arrived in God's park we would be that much closer to joining them in Heaven, once our angel guide came to get us.

Happy Birthday Joey, I love and miss you with everything I am.  I love you Gracie, thank you for keeping our Pinky Promise. 

Amazing Grace 39: Fishing For Grace

Pinky Promise:  "The day I leave earth you have to write our final blog together.  Do not wait or you might not do it.  You have to do this.  If you do not, I will know, you know."

I said goodbye to Gracie on Sunday morning, leaving the hospital knowing it would be the last time I visited my little friend on earth and would now have to visit her in my heart.  I went home that day and laid on my bed waiting for word that Gracie had passed away.  When I had left, her parents were returning to her room to spend her final moments on earth with her.  I had not been home for more than an hour when my dad came into my room and told me that Grace had passed away.  My dad was extremely quiet as he stood next to my bed for a few minutes after telling me the sad news.  I said nothing, he said nothing, but the silence spoke volumes for both of us.  My dad left my room as I continued to lay on my bed and just think about the last few months of Gracie's life, and the last few months of mine having spent many days and many hours with her.

The house was quiet today, but not due to anything out of the ordinary.  The other Misfits were at work, Zander (Alex) at the family owned neighborhood grocery store and Upc (Charlie) at Spikes Dawgs.  It was always low key and quiet at our house on Sundays but this Sunday the silence was a little different.  There was a sadness to the silence, much like the silence I sat in the day Joey died after everyone else said their goodbye's after he had passed away and they left the room.  It was not an uncomfortable silence then, and it was not on this day either.   It was a peaceful, calm kind of silence as if all was right with the world.

I decided to drag myself out of my room and go find my dad.  I found him laying on his bed, his arm over his eyes, resting.  He would remain this way most of the day until the Misfits were both home from work and it was time for supper.  I knew my dad had been going over to see Gracie a lot during the past three or four weeks.  I figured today would be as tough on him as it was going to be on her parents, her grandparents, other family members and myself, as well as all of those who were following the blogs Gracie and I had wrote together.  I left him be, to grieve alone, as I would have wanted to be.

I decided to clear my head a bit with a run around the neighborhood before I sat down to blog, as per one of our many pinky promises.  It was important to Gracie that I kept the blogs going after she left us.  She would talk to me about our many blog following friends, which she referred to as 'our BFF's'.  Having friends were also important to Gracie, and I know this from our conversations.  When her friends deserted her after finding out her life would be cut short, she never talked about how devastating that was to her, she only talked about getting more friends.  One of the first things she looked at when we pulled up our blogs was how many new friends the screen told us there was.   There was not a day went by where we would see less than at least five new blog followers, or BFF's.  I made a promise to myself from the very first time I visited Gracie, that I would never disappoint her, so getting the blog out about the day she died was not an option.  I just needed to get these fingers fired up and get on it.  And so I did.  And that was the last time I blogged anything, about Gracie or anything else.  I blog everyday, but I was coming up empty the four days after she left.  Today, five days later, that would change.

Outside of a small memorial service on Tuesday for Grace I had not spoken or made contact with her parents.  They had text me several times in the past four days, but I never responded back.  I was not in denial of Grace's passing, I was not trying to reverse the events that lead up to her leaving us, I simply did not know what to say to them that they probably have not already heard.   When they could not get a hold of me, they called my dad to check up on me.  So with a bit of pressure from my dad, I knew I would eventually have to do this.

Gracie's parents have not yet been back to their home since the day Gracie died.  They had prearranged plans, as directed by Gracie, to get away and be together.  She had asked them to take a little vacation in her memory and when they returned back to their home, they would not cry for her anymore.  Her dad's boss had given them a get away trip for two weeks in his beach home, with the use of his boat and anything else they would like to use.  So that is where they took off to, with the intention of me meeting up with them for a few days.  That is what they wanted in all those texts and messages they have been leaving me.  This morning I would answer the call when it came from her father.

He invited me to go boating/fishing with them for the day.  I accepted.  Why?

Pinky Promise:  "You have to go fishing and skiing with my mommy and daddy to be with them so they are not alone.  I do not even care if you do not like fishing.  You have to.  And I will know if you do not because I will be watching you, you know."

The drive to the beach house was under an hour, but I would get there a bit beyond an hour.  I found myself having to push myself to get there, and the reason was I had no idea what I would say to Grace's parents.   I had reached out to my resources for advice, and even though they both told me to just speak from my heart, I felt nothing I could muster from with-in could comfort any parents when they just faced the loss of their child.  Speak from the heart would churn over and over in my mind.  Nothing you could rehearse would be even close to speaking from the heart.

I was late. I hadn't shaved in three days.  I cried everyday since Sunday.  And I hate the thought of fishing.  What was I doing here I thought as I sat in my truck in front of the lot behind the beach homes.  I grabbed my backpack and headed up to the beach house of the address I had been given.  I was greeted by Grace's parents who looked very relaxed and well rested.  That instantly made me very happy and I know it had to have Gracie smiling huge from God's Park, or Heaven, where ever she was in her journey in eternity at this time.   Grace's dad, Bill, shook his head as he shook my hand to greet me.  "You know right now our Gracie is frowning down on you for being late, not being shaved, and tired crying eyes", he said to me.  "I know", I told him, "I really stacked the deck against me today, and now I have to be happy about fishing."  We shared a few smiles and a few laughs over how my bossy angel would of verbally disapproved of all the wrongs about me today that she spent many hours trying to correct before she died.  "Well she gave us a beautiful day to boat and fish so put on some life and lets get out there", her mom (Annie) told me.  And so we packed the boat and headed out for four hours of togetherness, which was sure to make Gracie giggle as she watched us enjoy the day.

My heart was still very much hurting for Bill and Annie and I still was a little uncomfortable on what the next few hours would be like as far as conversation.  The first hour we sat and visited, drank soda's and ate sandwiches Annie had made.  The conversation was light and airy, with the both of them quizzing me about my college classes, my summer internship, and my summer job helping at a hockey camp.  I expressed to them how happy it made me that they seemed to be well rested and that they seemed to be enjoying their time together.  They were doing OK, Bill assured me.  Annie told me that not every moment for them is an easy one but they were very much trying to abide by Gracie's wishes to keep going forward with their life together with out her.  I understood because I to was working on everything Gracie had instructed me to do, everything she had prepared me for once she left.

The next conversation we engaged ourselves in were about Gracie's and mine blogs. Bill had kept up with our blogs until Grace told him he had to stop for a while because they would reveal information of things she was doing for them that she wanted them to find AG (after Grace).  Annie never brought her self to the point where she could read them while Grace was still alive.  I never understood her reasoning for that and I never questioned it either, but today she would share her thoughts on it with me.  She explained to me that she felt reading all of Grace's inner secrets and thoughts during this most difficult time would alter the way she would treat Grace.  She wanted to maintain her integrity to Grace's care, doing what she felt was natural to this situation, and not jeopardizing herself questioning what she was doing for Grace, as her mother.  "Does that makes sense to you at all?", she would ask.  "Yes, it does now, and I think that was very unselfish of you to do", I answered her.

It wasn't long before we found ourselves throwing out lines to fish.  I quietly prayed I would catch nothing and not have to deal with the whole idea of reeling it in and having to labor over the poor thing.  What's wrong with leaving them in the ocean and letting them be?  "As much as you don't want to catch one, you know Grace is down there pointing them to your hook right?", Bill said.  "I have more years of praying in me than she does", I answered.  "But she always gets her way", he replied, as we all laughed.  It wasn't but a few seconds later and my damn line was being tugged.  This would be the first of three for me today, and hopefully the last in my lifetime.  Give me water, but freeze it so I can skate on it, and I'll be content.

After about an hour of throwing out lines and praying all the fish were deeper than my hook would ever go, we sat back again for some more conversation.  It was relaxing and refreshing and several times in the next hour or so I would think about how this friendship was forming between Grace's parents and myself.  They had accepted me into Grace's final months very quickly, however that time was more for Grace and what little I did get to sit and visit with them was always full of tension and stress due to the reason we had met in the first place.  Not that I didn't consider them friends to me, but their time, as well as mine, was more focused on Grace.  Today was the start of a much deeper, solid friendship, that was sure to continue to grow as we shared more about our lives with each other, and share our memories of Grace with each other.

I was well on my home thinking about this day as I drove, with the Barney song playing behind the thoughts in the back of my mind.  I smiled when I thought about how BG (before Grace) the Barney song was never apart of my music genre selections.  I cringed when my next thought was that either was Justin Bieber.  I was startled by a voice that I have yet to figure out where it came from "that was a great day on the water".  Before I realized I was alone I had already answered this voice, "yes it was".  I looked around the inside of my truck as I approached my house.  I saw no one, but I knew I was not alone.  I am never alone.  I have my angel guides flying next to me and appearing at a moments notice of the need for them. 

Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you.  ~ St. Francis De Sales