Beyond A Breath Of Life Before A Breath Of LIfe Was Taken : Baby TC

He died before he was born.  Little Thomas Charles, stillborn son of Charles and Allison.  Charles (Cheesy) was one of the very first friends I made when I came out here to Boston.  I was fourteen, he was fifteen.  That was over seven years ago and he is still one of my closest friends.  I was excited when Cheesy met Alli and to this day I still remember the love that poured out of his heart for her.

Cheesy is mute and Alli is a deaf mute.   Cheesy lost his voice in a car accident that crushed his voice box and Alli was born a deaf mute.  While neither one of them would ever be able to voice an I LOVE YOU to the other there is no question they both can feel in their hearts what neither of them can ever speak to one another.  What one can hear the other cannot say, even if the other could say the other could not hear. 

I remember the night Cheesy told me they were expecting a child.  ( GOD'S PLAN )  He was nervous and proud, excited and worried, all the things you hear a first time new father to be is.  I knew he would be an excellent father and Alli would be an awesome mom, it wasn't something I ever doubted.  He would be as great of a father as he is as a friend.  For seven months I enjoyed observing the happiness and love grow not just between Cheesy and Alli, but between the two of them and their unborn child.

This young couple was truly enjoying the pregnancy in anticipation of extending their family and they were excited at the thought of raising a child in the home where they would become a family.  They were also gifting his brother Frankie and his new bride Cammie with a cousin to their one year old daughter Baylee.  Choosing to wait until their child was born to know whether they would have a son or a daughter was not difficult, they would welcome either and love this child no matter what the gender.  They built their baby room around an unknown gender using neutral colors, a room of nature.  Greens, browns, a bit of yellow and a touch of blue.  Stuffed animals such as giraffes, monkeys, lions and bears.  In opposite corners of the tiny crib decorated in soft baby colors they placed a Thomas the Train stuffed toy in one corner and a Disney Jasmine doll in the other.  No matter what the sex of this child, there would be a toy awaiting him or her at home to welcome more love into the lives of Cheesy and Alli.  The happiness that oozed from my friends was entertaining to watch as it was warm to the heart.  The anticipation of watching them raise a little cheese ball, boy or girl, was something we were all looking forward to come February.

But something went wrong with Alli's pregnancy.  Something went very wrong.  For a reason and purpose only GOD would know, this child was called home to heaven before he would even gasp a breath of life.   Little Thomas Charles was stillborn just a few days beyond seven months of life inside the womb of the mother that now grieves for the child gone before he arrived.  Nothing in life could ever possibly prepare you for your child going to heaven before you do (RIP Amazing Gracie).  Planning the funeral service for your little baby boy that never came home has to be a challenge to your faith and everything you've ever prayed for, but never received.  It would prove to be difficult to celebrate a life that never lived. 

Baby Thomas's services were unique to me as I had never attended a funeral where the casket was fit for an infant child.  Replacing traditional funeral hymns with baby lullaby's said it all.  Rock A Bye Baby, Hush Little Baby, Lullaby and Goodnight, Close Your Eyes and Go To Sleep ... the list of songs I recognized went on and on.  I walked up to honor Little Baby Thomas's life that never was.  I thought about that baby room his mommy drug me into with each visit to their home, showing me any new additions she had made.  I realized at that moment that Thomas the train was for little Thomas should the gender be a boy and Jasmine the doll was for little baby Jasmine should the gender had been a girl.  It brought tears to my eyes as I walked up to meet baby Thomas, closed casket with that little Thomas the train toy sitting on top.  I knew inside that casket he was wearing the little blue onsie from the day Cheesy and I sat in the baby room that would never hold the noises and smells of a new born child.  Wrapped in the blanket his mommies mom made for him with anticipation of his arrival.  It was heartbreaking to witness this service, as beautiful as it was.  More heart breaking was turning around to face the parents of this little child gone. 

A mommy and daddy that prepared themselves to never be able to utter an I LOVE YOU to their child but were determined to show their child the love they held for him.  A mommy who took classes on how a deaf mother would care for her new born baby.  A father who would hear the cries of his child but never be able to speak the words "hush little baby".  Parents that could rock their new born child to sleep but never sing "rock a bye baby".   I sat next to Allie.  She took my hand into hers as if to silence anything I might say to her using my fingers and hands to express my sorrow for her loss.  Allie provided me with a warm smile, a smile I returned to her as I handed her a note.  It was a note I had made in Braille so I could express to Allie in a small quote that showed her I knew what this day meant to her.  Allie took my note and laid it on her lap as she used her fingers to spell out "YOU ARE A NUT CASE" to me.

Allie knew the reason I had this quote etched in Braille on a blue note card.  While Allie was a deaf mute, her sight was perfect.  I wanted to provide Allie with something she could put into her memory box and take out on occasion to look at.  It would remind Allie of the child she would have to wait to see again when she herself was called home by GOD. A reminder to her that what she cannot see she will be able to feel.  She picked up the note card and ran her fingers across the words as she closed her eyes.  The note, written in Braille, simply said  A CHILD STILLBORN IS STILL A CHILD BORN.  I stood up and as I walked away from Allie and Cheesy I heard a lullaby and these words that were spoken ...

  Go to sleep my baby,
Close your big brown eyes,
The angels are with you,
     Looking at you dearly up in the skies.

The Great big moon is shining,
The stars begin to peep,
And it's time for my little Thomas
     To go to sleep.

RIP Baby Thomas Charles

Testing Your Faith

There are times in our lives when we will question GOD. We will ask HIM "why me?" when things are not going according to our plan. We will ask HIM "why are you testing my faith?" when we seem to be weighed down with our sorrows. We will question HIM when we feel HE has let us down, or taken away things from us that we worked hard for. We will ask HIM how HE could desert us at the toughest times of our lives when nothing seems to be going right. We will question our own faith and ask why we bothered to pray to HIM, or praise HIM. What good did it do if the end result was going to knock us down and let us down.

Personally I do not feel GOD ever puts our faith to the test.  I believe we put our own faith to the test.  When everything seems golden in our lives we feel great.  We feel success is ours and hopefully we remembered to thank GOD for all is good.  When things do not seem to be going well for us our first instinct is to ask GOD where HE is that HE is not with us helping us through our tough times.  When we feel alone and deserted it is GOD who we look to and ask HIM why he is failing us.  We should be asking ourselves how strong we are in our faith, not how much faith GOD has in us. 

There is a line from a few movies that set my mind straight in times of trouble.  "The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing us he does not exist."  Satan attacks our faith in GOD at the weakest moments in our lives.  He waits in the shadows during our toughest times when he knows it is GOD we will question.  When he knows it is GOD we blame and look to for answers.  Those are the best times satan could ever move in, sneak in, right there between us and our faith.  It is satan who keeps us down, it is satan who has us questioning our faith and our path. It is satan who is pushing us from behind to stumble and fall.  Satan is at his best when we question GODs plan but it is GOD who helps us move on and is with us every step of the way.  As soon as satan sees how strong we are he moves on to someone else who is going through a weak moment.  GOD is with us when we need him the most, he never leaves our side.

Without hardships in our lives we would never find out who we are, how strong we are.  Without those moments of weakness in our lives we would never build up our strength, never increase the faith we have, not just in GOD, but in ourselves.  Every time we take a step back we leap forward inside ourselves.  Every time we fall to our knees, it is GOD who kneels down next to us and wraps his faith and promises around us to build upon who we are and who we are meant to be.  It is during those times that we need to remember that even though our plans have faulted, it is GODs plan for us that matters in the end. 

When you are experiencing a temporary moment of sorrow in your life.  When you find yourself questioning your strength and self worth. When you are on the brink of giving up, don't just look back and remember the things that did not go right.  That is not fair to yourself.  Look back at every moment of your life, good and bad, and then take a look at all you have accomplished.  Where you are today is right where you need to be.  Where you were yesterday is what got you to today.  Where you are tomorrow is a result of where you have been.  Learn from it, grow from it, embrace it, because it is life and the only thing you need to know about life is that if you don't feel it, you are not living it. 

Embrace the journey you are on and realize your dreams.  The dreams you have for yourself are achievable even if they do not come about the way you have imagined they would.  There are several roads to success, several paths to walk towards your future.  Accept the fact that those who love you, love you unconditionally.  In their eyes you are already a pillar of strength, successful in life, a picture of perfection.  You mean the world to so many people, and to so many people you are the world to them.

“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains."  There for they will never break free to continue on in their journey. 
― Rosa Luxemburg

The Legacy of Davy

A year ago this past May the world lost a good man.  A hard working man whose life ended tragically out on a country road.  Unforeseen circumstances took the life of a husband, a son, a great friend to many and the father of an unborn son.  While the life was taken out of the man, it remained on earth in the hearts of all those who loved him, and continue to love him to this day.  He has not been forgotten and he is missed still today, almost 18 months later.  ( Legends Never Die - follow this link to read its blog dedicated to Davy and his good friend Cory.)

The legacy of Davy lives on in the lives of all that knew him.  After his untimely death his friends gathered around the widow he left behind.  The many hands of his many friends in life picked up where Davy left off in life.  There was so much to be done, so many loose ends to tie up after Davy was laid to rest.  His friends took their many talents and years of experience to stand by his widows side and see her through perhaps the most difficult tasks she would face in the absence of the man who coose her for life, but left her to soon.  They sacrificed time with their families to care for their friend Davy's wife and his unborn child  They proved their loyalty to her husband by standing strong in her presence while they wept silently in their grief at the loss of a great friend.  They were part of carrying on the legacy of their great friend whose departure saddened their souls.,

When Davy's wife gave birth to their son, their only child, they were there to help her celebrate his life, once again, standing strong for his wife, and now for their son as well.  They remain a part of this child's life out of respect for their friend.  The son that has yet to meet his father, the father that forever forward will watch over his son.  The father who will guide his son on earth from heaven above with the help of those still on earth who knew him best. 

The Legacy of Davy turns one this year.  Almost 18 months after his death, as his son turns one, emotions will once again be stirred up.  There will a sadness inside his friends as they continue to watch over the son he's never held,  A sadness as they still grieve for the friend they never thought would tragically disappear from their daily lives.  A sadness as they celebrate the little life that for one year now has begun to build on the life Davy left behind for him.  Of all the gifts a father that would pass before his son was born, the gift of great friends to see him through the years is certainly at the top of the list. 

He won't have a father to watch and learn as he grows.  He won't have a father to ask questions and offer him advice in life.  He won't have a father to teach him to play ball. He won't have a father to ride in a tractor with  He won't have a father to teach him to drive.  He won't have a father to help him study.  He won't have a father ... but he will have his fathers friends ... and because of them ... the legacy of Davy lives, the legend of Davy stays alive.


Father,
God Bless all those that keep Davy's memory alive,
 and whatever it is that You know
they may be needing this day.
And may his son Chance's Life be full
of Your Peace, Prosperity and Power as
he grows in life without his daddy on earth.
In Jesus Christ's name I pray,
who lives and reigns with the Father
and the Holy Spirit
One God
forever and ever.Amen~

 

A father lives inside his sons heart.

 

Beautiful LIfe Moments

This past week I witnessed the most Random Act of Kindness to date.  It's not that I do not see many random acts of kindness throughout my days but this one for some reason left a little more hope in my life that the world is not as bad as it may seem to be.  There are so many people that walk through my daily journey of life and very rarely do I witness anything but kindness, warm smiles, and greetings.  There are times when you run into someone who has just not had a great day and when they feel your sincere words "have a nice day" it can completely turn their day around.  It has been one of my goals for a few years now, to make someone's day better with a simple smile or a heart felt greeting to let them know they are not walking through life alone. 

My girlfriend Kristy and I went out for a dinner date this past week and after we were finished eating she tagged along with me while I did a bit of Christmas shopping.  The mall was, as expected, busy with shoppers eager to find the perfect gift for the loved ones in their lives.  It has always amazed me that this wonderful time of the year brings out the best in people, but also the worst.  The eagerness of finding that perfect gift sometimes resulted in an angry shopper taking their frustration out on a floor clerk or a cash register clerk, demanding an answer of why something was out of stock or not carried at all.  We heard rude remarks regarding the pricing of items and the quality of which it was made of.  There was one instance in which we witnessed a female shopper make a young cashier cry due to the shoppers credit card not accepting the purchase amount as if the young cashier had any control over that issue at all. 

We heard many "thank you's" and "have a great holiday" and quite a few "Merry Christmas to you and your family" greetings.  It was a common sight to see one shopper let another shopper go before them in the check out line.  It was not uncommon at all for someone to reach in their pocket and provide the change needed for the shopper ahead of them to complete their payment.  Many smiles, many greetings, many thank you's from one stranger to another.  Kristy at one point said to me "I love this time of year, everyone's hearts seem to be filled with a lot of happiness."  I agreed with her as I too was feeling that the warm Christmas spirit was outshining the chronic complainers. 

We continued to walk the mall looking at all its stores had to offer in the area of Christmas ideas.  Deciding to sit down and people watch was the norm for us.  It was fun to watch the hustle and bustle of the shoppers as they scurried around.  Couples, family's, friends as well as the occasional lone shopper were passing us as we sat and observed the busy flow of the mall halls.  There was a commotion in front of the Coach Gift store that caught our attention.  A group of boys stood laughing and joking around with each other.  Late teens we guessed, juniors or possibly high school seniors who were hanging out at the mall having a good time.  Other shoppers were clearly steering clear of their antics, often making remarks about them as if they were criminals out on the loose.  We noticed they were getting dirty looks from other shoppers who were profiling them due to their ages and their motions.  I personally thought they were just having fun, being a bit rowdy, but minding their own business and leaving everyone else alone.

Kristy turned my attention to a crying little boy, we guessed he was around the age of six and he appeared to be with his dad.  We listened as his dad explained to him that what he wanted to buy was too much money for him to spend.  We gathered by their conversation that the boy wanted to buy an ornament from the Coach Gift store for his mom.  He had eleven dollars left to spend of his money and what he wanted to get his mom was almost $24. I remarked to Kristy that he must be trying to teach his son a lesson on gift giving and spending money, staying with-in your means and your budget.  Something I have been trying to teach Kristy that was more challenging than just going out and earning more money for her to spend.  I knew the concept all too well.  The little boys tears were just not going to come to an end and we could see the frustration grow inside his dad.

I turned my attention back to the group of young men that everyone else seemed to be labeling as a gang of boys.  They had grown quiet and they themselves were watching the scene between father and son.  Dad was now down on one knee holding his sons hands talking to him in a very loving voice, trying to calm his son down.  There was a small commotion once again about six feet away from where the boys tears were sliding so fast down his face they were actually splatting on the floor between him and his dad.  The group of young men were now standing in a circle when one of them removed his ball cap and they were pulling change and dollars out of their jeans pockets.  The tallest of the boys turned and walked over to the boy whose tears were ripping the holiday cheer right out of my heart.  He handed the hat of money to the little boy and as that little boy took that hat full of random acts of kindness the older boy took his finger and wiped away a tear from the little boys cheek.  The older boy simply turned around and walked back to his group of friends and they took off together walking down the hall of that mall.  Not a word was exchanged between the dad and his son and those teenage boys.

Kristy dug a Kleenex out of her purse and took it over to the little boy to use on his runny nose and waterfall eyes.  As we stood next to them, his dad, whose own eyes were now full of tears offered us an explanation we never asked for.  "My wife died of cancer in September.  It is our first Christmas without her in our home with us.  Sean, my son, wanted to buy her a Christmas ornament for our tree with his own money.  He would not let me help him pay for it."

We stood with them for a few moments, not really knowing what to say I offered, "That was a nice thing for them to do Sir.  Angels come in all shapes and sizes and ages."  He nodded his head in agreement.  A little voice from down low spoke up "Daddy, I can buy mommy her gift now!"  We walked into that gift shop with them to see the ornament this little boy wanted so badly for his mommy, now resting in heaven.  It was a right fine ornament and a nice tribute from a small boy to his angel mom.  Sean seemed pleased with his purchase as he paid for his gift with the money from his pocket and the cap of the tall boy.  Kristy hugged that little boy tight and told him to have a very nice Christmas so his mommy in heaven could see how happy he is that she is with God for Christmas this year.  "What about that boys hat?" he asked, "he forgot his hat."  I took the hat from his hands and put it on his head, "I bet he wants you to have it so that someday when you are tall like him you can look at that hat and remember the nice thing those boys all did for you.  Maybe someday you can help out a little kid like they helped you."  His tears were gone and his smile was big as he grabbed his daddy's hand and they walked off down the same path of the boys that made a little kids heart feel big.

The ornament? It was a white flat plaque type ornament and had a pink breast cancer ribbon on it that contained wings.  'God needed a hero in heaven so he took my mommy'.

As I watched them walk away I thought about my mom, who is also in heaven, and the ornament I received from a very dear and close friend to my heart, that hangs on the Misfit tree each year.  I thought about all the mommy's in heaven this year and all the sons and daughters that carry the pain of a parent gone.  Then I thought about the greatest gift God gives to us.  The gift of loved ones on earth that continue to love us from the heavens above.  I truly believe it is better to have had and miss than to never have had at all.   I urge to you this holiday season to remember to thank God for everything he has given, even if he has also taken it away.  I love and miss all my angles in heaven and thank them for letting me know they are still very much a part of my life.