Happy Birthday Pooh

How nice was it that our friend Kim was born in November, the most colorful month of the year.  Fall colors were Kim's colors and she loved the fall time of year.  Hoodie weather, the season right before the winter weather season, which she did not enjoy at all.  Kim would have loved and enjoyed this November, 2016.  It's almost as she showed us from heaven what her idea of a perfect November would have been. 

I spent many nights on the computer with Kim during the winter months in our friendship.  She was always wrapped up in a blanket waiting for Cory to come in from the fields to warm her up.  She used to tease me because I was always in thick socks and warm slippers.  Of course she thought I was a dumbass because I wear socks to bed to keep my feet warm.  I used to say "we don't all have a Cory to keep our feet warm Kim".  She always asked how a guy who could spend two hours on a sheet of ice skating be bothered by cold weather feet.  I used to ask her how can a girl who can eat jalapeno peppers ever be bothered by cold weather. 

I still laugh about how horrible Kim was at gift giving.  Not that she was not a great gift giver, but she could not keep it a secret.  Kim was Aunt Kimmy to my misfit nieces and nephews.  She used to send them little gifts and make them little homemade cards.  She used to send me gifts as well, when I was in high school and college.  I always knew what was coming because a couple weeks before she sent it she would hint around to me what she got me.  Then when she sent it she would tell me exactly what it was I should be receiving.  I don't know if she did that with everyone, but she sure did it to me.  I never told her what I was gifting her.  She tried hard to get me to tell her but I, unlike Kim, loved the element of surprise. 

I also remember how often Kim told me she didn't need or want anything. She had everything she wanted in life.  Materially and otherwise.  A great husband, a pretty little daughter, a wonderful family and extended family, and many friends who loved her.  She was horrible to buy for and I used to send her the stupidest gifts ever just to see if I could get a reaction out of her.  I never told her that, but I'm sure she knows that now.  One Christmas I sent her this ugly Twilight candle that I specifically got just to annoy her.  Of course she 'loved' it.  She loved everything I sent her no matter how hard I worked to find the stupidest dumbassed gift I could possibly find.

That was Pooh, that was our Kim, all she ever wanted was to be loved.  Well, to be loved and to fix people.  Those two things are what made Kim happy.  Trust me, I tested her love for me the entire time we were friends and not once did she take the bait.  "I know you love me Jett, I'm not going to argue and fight with you about it  She was right, I loved her so much I tested her love for me to make sure she knew I needed her. 

It's true you cannot send gifts to heaven.  There is no postal service there.  I teased Kim a few times that I was sure FedEx, UPS and the vacuum salesman would still be able to find Kim when she went to heaven.  She used to tell

me I didn't need to send her anything to heaven for her birthday, I just needed to sent her my love. 

Today, don't forget why you love Kim.  When you send a little prayer or a small message her way, be sure to list all the reason you love her.  Remember all the ways she showed you her love too.  Because love was what Kim was all about.  Everything Kim did for anyone was for two reasons.  Because she loved you and she wanted you to love her.  She made it easy to love her, even through the times when we challenged her love for us. 

Happy forty-third birthday my friend.  I'm still making the days without you count, as I count the days without you.  I miss you beyond a breath of life and I think of you every single day.  I believe ... because you opened my heart.  ~ Jett



Holiday's In Heaven



Ask anyone who lost a loved one to heaven and they will tell you how much they dread holiday's, birthday's, anniversary's and any other day other humans celebrate.  Most people upon losing a loved one first reaction is "I have nothing to celebrate this year" , "I just want this day to be over" , and many other comments that express their grief and sadness.  We all do it, we all go through it.

Then there are those around us that have lost someone we loved to heaven that try to ease our pain by saying "he/she would want you to be happy" , "he/she would want you to go on and not be sad" , "you should celebrate having him/her in your life".  You all say it, we all hear it.

Going from nightly hour upon hour talks with Kim for over nine years to trying to squeeze every possible second I could get from her in her final year on earth was a heart wrenching time for me.  I wanted to save my Pooh, I wanted to find a way to take away what her and I knew was the road leading her home to God.  I could do nothing, nothing but pray that is.  I started prayer chain after prayer chain with everyone I could reach out to.  I spent many hours, literally, on my knees, praying that God would not take away another savior of my soul.

The last eight months of Kim's life, after already fighting her brain tumor for a year, we spent a lot of time talking about God, and church, and heaven.  I will forever treasure those conversations, not because I wanted to have them but because our friendship was strong enough to take us there.

Religion was a topic that Kim and I talked about for years, since we got to know one another.  While we never disagreed about each others beliefs in our faith, we took the opportunity to learn about each others faith.  I always enjoyed how open our minds and hearts where to each others beliefs.  The one thing that we absolutely agreed on was that you do not have to be in church, on your knees, to get to heaven.  That was a huge fear of my brother Joey when he was dying from lung cancer.  He was so afraid he was not going to get to go to heaven that he reached out to a friend of his friend to find comfort in the thought of possibly getting to go to heaven.  At that time I had no idea God and heaven would one day play such a big role in my life and in my friendship with my Pooh.

Kim did not want to die but Kim was not afraid to die.  Her faith in God and the promise of eternal life was strong and she knew she was going to heaven.  There was not a doubt in her mind, even though she would tell me she was not perfect and the mistakes she made in life were big.  I loved that about Kim, that she remained strong in her faith and did not fear the unknown.  What Kim was afraid of was leaving her Honey Pot, Cory and her dudie, Alex behind.  Her heart was heavy with the pain of leaving them behind to a life without her physically in it.  Kim was worried about her parents, her siblings, her nieces and nephews.  She was upset because she knew they were going to be upset and hurt.  She knew the pain of losing someone close with her nephew Matt and she wished no one left behind would have to feel that kind of pain in their heart when she was gone.  That is what she feared about her own death, how it would hurt others when she found peace once she let go. 

It was hard for Kim as she found peace for herself but worried about the peace and happiness of those she loved.  We talked about how hard it was for those left to mourn and grieve and also how hard it was to have the peace in resting in heaven that we believed in.  We talked about who would miss her the most at what points in their lives.  I remember the conversation when she told me how much she would miss her sister-by-law Nicole.  She wanted to leave knowing that as the holidays approached Nicole would stay strong and remember all the things that bonded them as sisters and friends. One by one Kim would talk to me about how this was going to effect everyone she loved.  She knew her friend Jewels would cry for days and worried she would never find another friend to bond with like she did with Kim.  She worried about her dad, Walt, they were friends and she was his little girl. 

Just like she lived, in death, Kim was going to put others first.  Their feelings, their health, their well being.  "How will I fix everyone from heaven?" she would say.  I told her that she would still be able to help us all.  That as we worked through the grief of losing her our faith in God would build.  That as we continued to ask God why, why Kim?  she would know we are still believing in God.  That as we blogged, talked about her, bragged about her accomplishments, called Cory to check on him, kept in contact with Alex to make sure she was studying as much as she was partying and prayed for her peace in heaven, we would keep her memory alive in the souls and hearts and minds of those that miss her the most, which is basically everyone she "fixed" when she was with us in the physical world.  Yes Pooh, we still need you and you still get us "fixed" when we need you the most.

This holiday season is the first without our friend Kim and as difficult as it will be for many us in many different ways, we will be OK.  Our heavenly Angel Kim remains in our hearts as we move forward in our journeys.  The journey that will take us to her again someday when we take our final breath of life and go beyond earth to the promise of eternity in heaven.  Thanksgiving is upon us this week and we need to work through our anger, frustration, sadness and remember how thankful we are that we got to cross paths which such a lovely child of God.  Enjoy your friends and families that are still physically with us, remember the friends and family that remain with us in spirit.  As you sit around the table with the fruits of life that God has provided you with, thank Him.  Thank Him for allowing us to be part of His plan for Kim.  Have faith that "it is what it is, because that's how it's supposed to be".  Push aside your grief for a few moments of peace as you remember all you have to be thankful for.


Pooh, I miss you like crazy.  I love you even more today than the day we first found each other.  I see you everywhere.  I hear you everywhere.  There are reminders of our time together every day as I walk my journey.  Thank you for being such a huge part of my life. Thank you for all the times you "fixed" me so I can live another day in my struggle.  Thank you for sharing so much of you with me and my misfit life.  Although I still struggle with God taking you from me, I also am thankful that God gave me you at all. - Piglett

The Adventures Of Kym Tyme

I never got to introduce Kim to a children's book series I was writing.  I introduced her to the concept and the idea, but I never got around to ever having her proof read it before she died.  I finished it a few weeks after she was diagnosed with a brain tumor that would prove to be her ticket home to God.  She would ask about the books often, but I pushed it off as never having been completed.  Kim had a lot more on her plate with her health than worrying about those books.

A huge part of our friendship was about how very different we were, not just in the present tense, but also our past lives.  I'm a city boy, everything city, and as much as Kim loved to shop and eat in big cities, she was a country girl at heart.  I was eighteen when I got my drivers license, something that drove Kim nuts.  From the time she met me at the age of fourteen she pushed me to get a license to drive so I didn't have to rely on city transits.  The only thing Kim understood about me not desiring to drive was that I walked to many places.  I would walk two miles to the park to meet up with my friends.  Kim was a walker so that opened up conversations about how nice and peaceful to the soul a walk could be.  She walked those gravel roads, to the stop sign and back, with her little dogs pretty faithfully.

Kim being a country girl, one that loved Kenny Chesney, married a greater love in her life, Cory the farmer.  I got the grossest of the grossest farm stories she could provide me.  It seemed she could never get enough of telling me about calves being born and what Cory had to go through to make that all happen.  I would always ask her about Cory milking the cows in which she would respond "they are fat cows not damn dairy cows".  And I would laugh on my end for annoying her with that while she would laugh on her end annoying me with the gross details of calves being born.

I really did enjoy hearing about her farm life and how much she wished Cory didn't have to work so damn hard all the time.  I am pretty sure Kim also enjoyed the stories of this city kid trying to stay out of trouble.  I also know she did not enjoy listening to Jake about me breaking curfews and swearing at him anymore than I enjoyed listening to her telling me to quit being a dumbass and be more respectful of Jake raising me like I was his birth son.

I told Kim I felt sorry in a way for kids that never got to live on a farm, or visit a farm long enough to get an idea of a life of gravel roads and manure smells.  It was then I decided to try to bring the farm life into the lives of city kids, to little to read but old enough to be wowed by the stories I could relay to them from my friend the farmers wife.  The stories would include those told to me by my friend about the life of a kid in a small town that ended up a few miles out on a gravel road married to a farm boy. 

Stories about how she used to ride pretend ponies as a little girl, drink on gravel roads with her friends as a teen, married a cute boy who farmed with his family and raise a daughter on a farm while still showing her the life in the city.  Stories about long drives to work in snow drifts, how much she hated grocery shopping, how much she enjoyed doing hair from her home.

It all lead up to the birth of Kym Tyme.  A little blond farm girl who lived with her mommy and daddy out on a farm where cows roamed, chickens laid eggs and corn and beans were grown.  "Not pork-n-beans like you city folks eat."   A little blond girl who rode in tractors, played in the mud, and rode ponies.  "Not those stick ponies like city kids play with."  A little blond girl who wore bib jeans in the fields and cute little dresses to church and whose nearest neighbor was a mile away.  "Not like two feet away like you city folks."

I sold the rights to those children's farm tales and look forward to the day when I find them out there in book land fully illustrated.  Had I never been introduced to Kim Lindgren, Kym Tyme would never have been created.  I can only hope that they make her proud of not only me as the writer, but herself as the story teller of them.  Without her and I poking fun at the life of a city boy and a country girl  Kym Tyme would have never made an appearance. 

Kym Tyme is obviously Kim Lindgren, or at least created from the Kim I got to know in the past ten years.  Although her bubble of friends was small, Kim new A LOT of people.  Like our Kim, Kym Tyme is a very complex little girl. She loved her farm life and was perfectly content in being alone, or with her family, on that farm.  Like our Kim, Kym Tyme loved little trips to the city to eat big food.  Kym Tyme loved donuts, Krispy Crème donuts were the bomb!  Our Kim's closest Krispy Crème was in Omaha and her and her friend Jewels would day trip there and stock up on donuts and Hooters wings.  I used to snap pictures of our Krispy Crème here in Boston, a mere five blocks away.

In hind sight I almost wish I would never have sold my rights to the story of Kym Tyme.  I so closely matched Kym Tyme to the life of our Kim.  What started out to be a small idea between our Kim and myself turned into a big deal.  It was fun gathering the stories from Kim and her life on the farm.   Through many laughs and lots of memories she shared with me I find myself wanting more of that.  Not that we hadn't spend endless countless hours together already but she was hard to get information about herself from.  She wanted to talk about me and the misfit family I have out here in Boston.  Every time I would ask her about herself, she would deflect and turn the talk back to my life.  Once she knew I wanted to create the Kym Tyme series she was more than happy to share her memories with me.  She did it for me, not because she wanted the attention.  I can only hope that she now realize how much it meant to me for her to share so much of herself with me.

I guess if there was a moral to this friendship story, it would be to accept others lifestyles and share yours with them.  There is a bond as big as ever in a friendship full of differences, the world just needs to embrace them.  I am honored that Pooh accepted Piglet as he was when they came into each others lives.  I am proud to have been friends with such a wonderful soul.  I am forever grateful that Kim shared her family and friends with me.  Without them, Kim would be a memory in my mind that my heart would miss alone.  Knowing so many who loved Kim just as much I do makes me feel like I did not get deserted when God called her home. 

These city raised nieces and nephews of mine love Aunt Kimmy very very much.  I used to share stories about farm life with them and enjoyed how excited they were to learn how food is grown by farming families.  They love that country folks can live on land that allows them to have all those animals.  I taught the misfit littles my version of Old McDonald had a farm.  I tried man times to teach it to the as Old McDonald Had a Farm but that just made them want chicken nuggets and cokes from Mickey D's.  So I taught them this version.  Try not to get this stuck in your head, and for those of you that know Old Man Cory, sing it to him.  I'm sure it will bring back memories for him as well, of days gone by when I used to tease the Lindgren's about their dairy cows and tractors.

Old man Cory had a farm, EIEIO
And on that farm he had dairy cows, EIEIO
With a moo moo here and moo moo there,
here a moo there a moo everywhere a moo moo.

Old man Cory had a farm, EIEIO
And on that farm he had some corn, EIEIO
With a corn cob here and a corn cob there,
here a cob there a cob everywhere a corn cob.

Old man Cory had a farm, EIEIO
And on that farm he had some beans, EIEIO,
With a toot toot here and a toot toot there,
here a toot there a toot everywhere a toot toot.

Old man Cory had a farm, EIEIO
And on that farm he had a smell, EIEIO
With a bad smell here and a bad smell there,
here a smell there a smell, everywhere a stinky smell.

Old man Cory had a farm, E I E I O O O O.