What's at the end of your rainbow?
Most days when it rains I push back the dark clouds and look for the rainbow in hopes of falling into a pot of gold. It's not that I expect things to go the way I have it planned out all the time, but when one dream continues to get crushed and you are uncertain of the other, well, that rainbow seems so far away.
I've never wanted the riches in life most people think of when they fantasize about finding the pot of gold. And while that is most peoples dreams I am sure there are many others that have their own thoughts about what is in that pot of gold they search for in hopes of enriching their lives. That pot of gold probably changes out depending on the situation some people find themselves in.
Mine personally never strays far from the original thought of what I would like to find sliding down that rainbow into that pot. I want to be a writer, not just any writer, I want to change people lives. My first goal in life was to make it to college and I had plans on skating my way into a scholarship that would provide me with a four year degree in journalism. Turns out my academics would be more to my advantage to focus on and obtain scholarships through my brain vs my legs. Hockey would become my hobby and I would enjoy it on a whole different level. I would drop in when time permitted and I would continue to use it as a work-out routine to keep me healthy and in shape. So I am an inspiring journalist, being formally educated in the art of writing, skating in my spare time. Due to the realization that I will not make money playing hockey and until I can take off as an established author, hammering out a living on my laptop, I have decided to extend my college time by two years to obtain a career in teaching at the elementary level.
My pot of gold is not about fortune or fame. We all know teachers are underpaid professionals and I've already established I will not make money with my hockey skills. I do not even know if I will be successful as a journalist or even if I do how much of a living that will provide me, let alone a family should that path ever cross in front of me. So what is my pot of gold? What is it that keeps me looking beyond the dark clouds for that rainbow? When the clouds keep rolling in darkening my dreams and clouding my goals, what is it that keeps me pushing back in life when everything seems so far out of my reach?
I tend to believe that coming from such a dark past where the physical, mental and sexual abuse felt as if it would never end, I have already seen the worse of times in my life. I would challenge anyone trying to convince me that I would see times as dark as those. My memories up to the age of seven are scarce but there are some and they are of good times when all my siblings were alive and together. The memories from age seven up to the age of fourteen are very vivid and often reappear in the form of nightmares. At the age of fourteen I escaped from the dark side of my life and since that day there have been plenty of rainbows for me to see.
The thing about rainbows is they do not completely take away the clouds. Without the rain there are no rainbows. How we handle the rain is up to us. If we let the drops control our faith and trust we will surely drown in our own tears. I believe it is in fact the dark clouds, the rain, the storms that come and go in our lives that are designed to make us stronger. To help us build our faith in eternal life and our trust in God's plan for us. Yet knowing this is what I believe it still confuses me that when dark times arise my faith seems to get weaker before it gets stronger. Not once in my life have I ever failed to come out of a depressing moment stronger and better mentally then I can imagine. I know this, yet I find myself in moments of weakness questioning the path I am on.
Today I thought about the shadows in my life that never seem to go away. The things that haunt me from seven years of my life that I had no control over much more then my faith that God would help me through them. It is as if I cannot let go of the past because it keeps me grounded on where I came from and tells me that where I am headed is a much more peaceful form of life . Do I tend to keep those bad memories alive so I never forget to be thankful for what I now have? The shadows are a part of who I am and I am coming to realize they will always be with me. The clouds will always roll in just when everything seems to be going according to my plan. The rain will fall freely so rainbows can be seen. I will follow the rainbows until I find my pot of gold.
What is my pot of gold? Eternal Life. Yes, someday I will slide down that rainbow right into my pot of gold and when I do I will be rejoined with all those that slid down their rainbow before I have, into the ultimate pot of gold, whether they knew what was in it or not. Until then I will push back the clouds that darken my days. Someday I will be that writer I want to be that changes people lives for the better. It matters not how I get there, as long as I keep overcoming the obstacles I find in my path.
I will get through this latest storm passing over me and I will come out a better person, a stronger christian, and my faith will be stronger then it was yesterday. I have a passion for life and if the obstacles placed in front of me are meant to slow me down and help me realize where I am is where I need to be then so be it. Life is good, no, make that great. I will take the rain to get the rainbow that will lead me to that big pot of gold in the sky.
Most days when it rains I push back the dark clouds and look for the rainbow in hopes of falling into a pot of gold. It's not that I expect things to go the way I have it planned out all the time, but when one dream continues to get crushed and you are uncertain of the other, well, that rainbow seems so far away.
I've never wanted the riches in life most people think of when they fantasize about finding the pot of gold. And while that is most peoples dreams I am sure there are many others that have their own thoughts about what is in that pot of gold they search for in hopes of enriching their lives. That pot of gold probably changes out depending on the situation some people find themselves in.
Mine personally never strays far from the original thought of what I would like to find sliding down that rainbow into that pot. I want to be a writer, not just any writer, I want to change people lives. My first goal in life was to make it to college and I had plans on skating my way into a scholarship that would provide me with a four year degree in journalism. Turns out my academics would be more to my advantage to focus on and obtain scholarships through my brain vs my legs. Hockey would become my hobby and I would enjoy it on a whole different level. I would drop in when time permitted and I would continue to use it as a work-out routine to keep me healthy and in shape. So I am an inspiring journalist, being formally educated in the art of writing, skating in my spare time. Due to the realization that I will not make money playing hockey and until I can take off as an established author, hammering out a living on my laptop, I have decided to extend my college time by two years to obtain a career in teaching at the elementary level.
My pot of gold is not about fortune or fame. We all know teachers are underpaid professionals and I've already established I will not make money with my hockey skills. I do not even know if I will be successful as a journalist or even if I do how much of a living that will provide me, let alone a family should that path ever cross in front of me. So what is my pot of gold? What is it that keeps me looking beyond the dark clouds for that rainbow? When the clouds keep rolling in darkening my dreams and clouding my goals, what is it that keeps me pushing back in life when everything seems so far out of my reach?
I tend to believe that coming from such a dark past where the physical, mental and sexual abuse felt as if it would never end, I have already seen the worse of times in my life. I would challenge anyone trying to convince me that I would see times as dark as those. My memories up to the age of seven are scarce but there are some and they are of good times when all my siblings were alive and together. The memories from age seven up to the age of fourteen are very vivid and often reappear in the form of nightmares. At the age of fourteen I escaped from the dark side of my life and since that day there have been plenty of rainbows for me to see.
The thing about rainbows is they do not completely take away the clouds. Without the rain there are no rainbows. How we handle the rain is up to us. If we let the drops control our faith and trust we will surely drown in our own tears. I believe it is in fact the dark clouds, the rain, the storms that come and go in our lives that are designed to make us stronger. To help us build our faith in eternal life and our trust in God's plan for us. Yet knowing this is what I believe it still confuses me that when dark times arise my faith seems to get weaker before it gets stronger. Not once in my life have I ever failed to come out of a depressing moment stronger and better mentally then I can imagine. I know this, yet I find myself in moments of weakness questioning the path I am on.
Today I thought about the shadows in my life that never seem to go away. The things that haunt me from seven years of my life that I had no control over much more then my faith that God would help me through them. It is as if I cannot let go of the past because it keeps me grounded on where I came from and tells me that where I am headed is a much more peaceful form of life . Do I tend to keep those bad memories alive so I never forget to be thankful for what I now have? The shadows are a part of who I am and I am coming to realize they will always be with me. The clouds will always roll in just when everything seems to be going according to my plan. The rain will fall freely so rainbows can be seen. I will follow the rainbows until I find my pot of gold.
What is my pot of gold? Eternal Life. Yes, someday I will slide down that rainbow right into my pot of gold and when I do I will be rejoined with all those that slid down their rainbow before I have, into the ultimate pot of gold, whether they knew what was in it or not. Until then I will push back the clouds that darken my days. Someday I will be that writer I want to be that changes people lives for the better. It matters not how I get there, as long as I keep overcoming the obstacles I find in my path.
I will get through this latest storm passing over me and I will come out a better person, a stronger christian, and my faith will be stronger then it was yesterday. I have a passion for life and if the obstacles placed in front of me are meant to slow me down and help me realize where I am is where I need to be then so be it. Life is good, no, make that great. I will take the rain to get the rainbow that will lead me to that big pot of gold in the sky.
