Faith: PSALM 34:17 - For the Love Of A Brother

Psalm 34:17

When the righteous cry for help, 

the Lord hears, and rescues 

them from all their troubles.

I have often thought and wrote about the pain of a broken heart. How there is no  n greater pain one can experience then that of a broken heart. No broken bone. No illness. Nothing is as painful as when you have gone through something in life that touches your heart and leaves it cracked, bruised, broken and unrepairable. There are many things in life that we will experience that will cause damage to our hearts, and there are many remedies to try to heal a broken heart, but it never quite returns to the way it was before the damage was done.

Broken hearts come from many sources and if you are alive and breathing today and reading this blog, you have without a doubt been through times in your journey where your heart was damaged by someone or something. I can personally attest to death being the reason my heart has beat, crying out in pain, for loved ones lost. Prior to the death of my older brother dying of lung cancer, my heart had not taken a hit like it did when he ended his journey with me on earth and climbed those stairs to the heavens above.

Joey's death was the one that made my heart ache so incredibly bad and over five years later the pain is as real as the day he died. He was not the first sibling I lost, but he was my best friend as well as my brother. Joey was going to save me from my abusive father, and shortly after I asked him to do that he become ill. Less then a year later lung cancer would take his last breath on earth from him as God supplied him with everlasting breaths in eternity. Joey was gone and it broke my heart. 

Heart break after heart break followed after Joey died. Lost friends, bad relationships, family fights. It seemed just as the breaks began to heal, something else would open up the wounds again. I was sure I would never find anything more hurtful then that of the broken heart. I was wrong. Today I learned a lot about a pain I have never experienced through my misfit brother Charlie. Today I learned that worse then a broken heart, was a sad heart.

I have encountered many fights inside myself in my twenty years of life. Many sleepless nights of confusion about life and what it has dealt me. I have learned so much about myself and life since I moved to Boston to be with my only living sibling. I continue to learn about all the things I have to be thankful in life, all the people that love me unconditionally, all that the future holds for me. I have conditioned my heart to love just as much as it hurts. The pain is real and the pain remains but the love in my heart continues to grow and heal.

My little friend Gracie who died of brain cancer helped me realize just how much love a heart can hold, and how much love it can give. I am sure I will never love to my hearts full capacity but I will die trying to fill it up. And I will live spreading as much love as I can in an effort to show people how much love their hearts can truly hold.

All I have been through in life is really no different then others have been through in theirs. My best example of this is my misfit brother Charlie. Charlie is actually Jake's nephew and came to live with us two summers ago because of issues with is family in Kansas City. His family issues are as real and as painful as mine have been. How he processes things is completely different then myself. We all deal the best we can, we all find ways to keep moving forward in our journey's. Today I learned something about pain, and hearts, and how we never really heal, we just learn to deal. 

Charlie is going through some things right now and his heart is so broken, so bruised and damage from his walk on earth thus far, that he is struggling to find a reason to be happy.  Unlike me, who casts blame on the villains in my life and claim the victim title, Charlie see's himself as the villain.  He blames himself for the lack of love and support from those that brought him into the world and promised to take care of him, to love him, to see him through these times.  He cannot find the love in his heart, even as he spreads it throughout his walk on earth.  He feels empty, he feels nothing there, just a steady beat that echos emptiness and loneliness. 

So what I learned today from my little misfit brother who I love with everything I have to offer is that there is a pain that will supercede that of a broken heart.   The pain of an empty heart is far worse then a heart that hurts because a love bond was broken.  The pain of an empty heart echos the sounds of a heart that beats with no purpose.  A heart that feels nothings because you don't feel you deserve love from others will break your spirit for life.  A heart tired of beating for the love of a mother who deserted you, the acceptance of the step mother who never did, and the father who made sure he was being loved and failed to make sure you were too.  How painful that must be to think your heart only beats a steady rhythm to keep you alive in a world where you don't feel loved.  The failure to recognize someone you live with is suffering from a pain so great he really just feels like he exists is heartbreaking in itself.

Charlie, your heart is never without the love of God.  As much as you are loved by all of us on earth that surround you and participate in your life, God's love for you is ten-fold.  It is unconditional to a fault.  His love never dies and only grows.  I hate you are struggling right now but I hope you know we are all here for you and we are going no where.  We are all right where God has landed us, where we need to be.  We need you Charlie, you are such a big part of us.  I hope someday you find a way to love yourself as much as you are loved.  Love you brother, as if our blood lines ran deeper then the distance between earth and heaven. - Jett

Ephesians 3:19
And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 

John 4:19 

We love because he first loved us.