It was Friday, and Grace's and my day was going to be a busy one. We had picked this day to work on a project of recording a video for Grace to leave behind for her parents. She wanted to accomplish a lot in this video and she was anxious to get it started. She wanted to get it done while she was still alert, before her system starts to fail her and she has to go into the hospital to live out her final days. She already knows that she might have only one to two good weeks left before they will have to administer morphine in order for her to leave earth comfortably, without the pain of headaches from the tumors that continue to grow inside her skull.
To add to our busy schedule today we were going to cross off one more item from Grace's list of things to accomplish while she is still with us. Grace has not been to school since August when she was seven and had just begun her third grade year. With-in a month of entering the third grade, she had collapsed in the hallway before class started. It was with-in days of that fall that she began her fight against brain cancer. Due to the treatments and surgeries she would face in the coming months it was decide she would sit out this year and attend her third grade studies the following school year. To keep her up to date and disciplined in her studies her mom's sister, Grace's only aunt, would visit with her daily and help her with worksheets. Today Grace would attend the classes I teach at, as a student.
Grace turned eight in January, and it was shortly after that time that they had moved her into stage four cancer status. The type of cancer Grace was diagnosed with gives the patient approx 6 to 12 months before it takes the life of the patient. It was not much longer after that news that they had told Grace's parents the months were quickly becoming weeks. When this information was shared with Grace, her father let her know that they would follow all her wishes. She would make all the decisions regarding how much fighting she wanted to do, knowing that in the end cancer would win. When the time frame became 6 to 8 weeks left, Grace's wishes were for no more surgeries to remove any more tumors that would grow. When the new time frame became 4 to 6 weeks, Grace's wishes were to stop all treatments. Doing this would give Grace 2 to 3 weeks to regain control over her tiny little system to prepare herself for the day she would start to slip away.
Today was the start of the second week since Grace's last treatment of radiation and chemo. Today is the start of the second week since Grace told me she was going to try to be at home with her mommy and daddy for two more weeks before she goes into the hospital. Her father does a great job of reminding me that although Grace is lively and seems well rested and in great spirits, this is the calm before the storm. It will get worse, and it will not end the way I want it to.
We had two and half hours this Friday morning to work on the video. We sent Grace's mom packing for the day. We would work on her video and then head off to teach my tots. I knew today I would have to keep my emotions in check. This was not going to be easy but it is something Grace was excited about and we would have to get through it quickly. The first thing Grace wanted to do was address a message to her parents to start her video gift to them. I was so proud of Grace for the things she said to them. It was classy, it was touching, and most of all it over flowed with the love she has for them.
"Mommy and Daddy. I am making this video for you so you can watch it on the days you miss me the most. It is not to make you sad or to make you cry. It is to make you happy and fill your heart with more of my love for you. Daddy, please do not be sad you could not fix me like all the other times you have. Mommy, please take care of Daddy. We have always been stronger than he has when things do not go well. Do not let him be mad with himself." It only took three takes for her to be satisfied with her opening message, and all three involved wardrobe changes. This was going to take more time then the two and half hours we have with all the clothes she would be switching in and out of.
Next Grace wanted to read a book to her parents. The book she chose was Courage by Bernard Waber. Grace and I read a lot of books together. I would grab a few books a week out of the library from the grade school and when we were done with them I would return them. Grace liked the book Courage so I bought her a copy for herself. I would take a guess that the reason she chose this book was to express the amount of courage she displayed to the world, but I would be wrong. She chose this book to plant the seed in her parents mind that they should be courageous in their lives, do not stop living. Have the courage to do things you think you cannot. Grace chose to wear her flannel jammies for this reading, because when her parents read to her, it was at night, when she was snug in bed.
The final project for today's video would be Grace singing a couple songs. Grace loved to sing, and since she commandeered my Ipod, she would pop in the ear buds and sing her little heart out. I told her that I would not be able to both play the guitar and record her singing. She said she wanted to sing two songs all by herself, with no music, and another day I can play and she can sing. Jesus Loves Me, the song she love love loved the most, and the Barney song were the two she would pick. I've heard her and her daddy sing the Barney song together many times. Of course she did a beautiful job, and after half a dozen wardrobe changes she was satisfied with her two songs.
We knew at this point that we would have to schedule another time where we could finish her video tribute to her parents. We cleaned up her room, packed up my things and went to the kitchen to eat the sandwiches her mom set out for our lunch. It was the fastest half an hour ever, as Grace talked on and on about her video and how happy she was that she got to make it for her mommy and daddy. "Jett", she said, "make sure you take care of my mommy and daddy and visit them lots for me." I assured her I would, as I checked my emotions. Grace stuck out her pinkie finger, "pinkie swear?" I hugged her pinkie with mine, "Pinkie swear Dude."
I tell Grace its time to head off to school. She is excited and has one last wardrobe change to make before we drive off for a day she was sure to enjoy, interacting with kids her age. Grace came out of her room wearing her new cowgirl jeans, plaid shirt, and pink kicks. She was putting on her pink knit hat as we walked out the door and locked up. "You're rocking the fashion stage today with your kicks and lid Dude", I told her. She smiles, fully aware how smart she looks in this outfit, "Do you think I should keep my lid on at school Jett?" I tell her that is completely up to her and it is perfectly acceptable for her to keep her lid on. "I am nervous", she tells me, "what if they do not like me?" I smile at Grace. "Sweetie, they will love you. They are excited to meet a new student and have you join them today. I promise you that. She smiles back at me, and I can still see the nervous concern on her face. We head out for the next thing she will be able to cross off her list.
To add to our busy schedule today we were going to cross off one more item from Grace's list of things to accomplish while she is still with us. Grace has not been to school since August when she was seven and had just begun her third grade year. With-in a month of entering the third grade, she had collapsed in the hallway before class started. It was with-in days of that fall that she began her fight against brain cancer. Due to the treatments and surgeries she would face in the coming months it was decide she would sit out this year and attend her third grade studies the following school year. To keep her up to date and disciplined in her studies her mom's sister, Grace's only aunt, would visit with her daily and help her with worksheets. Today Grace would attend the classes I teach at, as a student.
Grace turned eight in January, and it was shortly after that time that they had moved her into stage four cancer status. The type of cancer Grace was diagnosed with gives the patient approx 6 to 12 months before it takes the life of the patient. It was not much longer after that news that they had told Grace's parents the months were quickly becoming weeks. When this information was shared with Grace, her father let her know that they would follow all her wishes. She would make all the decisions regarding how much fighting she wanted to do, knowing that in the end cancer would win. When the time frame became 6 to 8 weeks left, Grace's wishes were for no more surgeries to remove any more tumors that would grow. When the new time frame became 4 to 6 weeks, Grace's wishes were to stop all treatments. Doing this would give Grace 2 to 3 weeks to regain control over her tiny little system to prepare herself for the day she would start to slip away.
Today was the start of the second week since Grace's last treatment of radiation and chemo. Today is the start of the second week since Grace told me she was going to try to be at home with her mommy and daddy for two more weeks before she goes into the hospital. Her father does a great job of reminding me that although Grace is lively and seems well rested and in great spirits, this is the calm before the storm. It will get worse, and it will not end the way I want it to.
We had two and half hours this Friday morning to work on the video. We sent Grace's mom packing for the day. We would work on her video and then head off to teach my tots. I knew today I would have to keep my emotions in check. This was not going to be easy but it is something Grace was excited about and we would have to get through it quickly. The first thing Grace wanted to do was address a message to her parents to start her video gift to them. I was so proud of Grace for the things she said to them. It was classy, it was touching, and most of all it over flowed with the love she has for them.
"Mommy and Daddy. I am making this video for you so you can watch it on the days you miss me the most. It is not to make you sad or to make you cry. It is to make you happy and fill your heart with more of my love for you. Daddy, please do not be sad you could not fix me like all the other times you have. Mommy, please take care of Daddy. We have always been stronger than he has when things do not go well. Do not let him be mad with himself." It only took three takes for her to be satisfied with her opening message, and all three involved wardrobe changes. This was going to take more time then the two and half hours we have with all the clothes she would be switching in and out of.
Next Grace wanted to read a book to her parents. The book she chose was Courage by Bernard Waber. Grace and I read a lot of books together. I would grab a few books a week out of the library from the grade school and when we were done with them I would return them. Grace liked the book Courage so I bought her a copy for herself. I would take a guess that the reason she chose this book was to express the amount of courage she displayed to the world, but I would be wrong. She chose this book to plant the seed in her parents mind that they should be courageous in their lives, do not stop living. Have the courage to do things you think you cannot. Grace chose to wear her flannel jammies for this reading, because when her parents read to her, it was at night, when she was snug in bed.
The final project for today's video would be Grace singing a couple songs. Grace loved to sing, and since she commandeered my Ipod, she would pop in the ear buds and sing her little heart out. I told her that I would not be able to both play the guitar and record her singing. She said she wanted to sing two songs all by herself, with no music, and another day I can play and she can sing. Jesus Loves Me, the song she love love loved the most, and the Barney song were the two she would pick. I've heard her and her daddy sing the Barney song together many times. Of course she did a beautiful job, and after half a dozen wardrobe changes she was satisfied with her two songs.
We knew at this point that we would have to schedule another time where we could finish her video tribute to her parents. We cleaned up her room, packed up my things and went to the kitchen to eat the sandwiches her mom set out for our lunch. It was the fastest half an hour ever, as Grace talked on and on about her video and how happy she was that she got to make it for her mommy and daddy. "Jett", she said, "make sure you take care of my mommy and daddy and visit them lots for me." I assured her I would, as I checked my emotions. Grace stuck out her pinkie finger, "pinkie swear?" I hugged her pinkie with mine, "Pinkie swear Dude."
I tell Grace its time to head off to school. She is excited and has one last wardrobe change to make before we drive off for a day she was sure to enjoy, interacting with kids her age. Grace came out of her room wearing her new cowgirl jeans, plaid shirt, and pink kicks. She was putting on her pink knit hat as we walked out the door and locked up. "You're rocking the fashion stage today with your kicks and lid Dude", I told her. She smiles, fully aware how smart she looks in this outfit, "Do you think I should keep my lid on at school Jett?" I tell her that is completely up to her and it is perfectly acceptable for her to keep her lid on. "I am nervous", she tells me, "what if they do not like me?" I smile at Grace. "Sweetie, they will love you. They are excited to meet a new student and have you join them today. I promise you that. She smiles back at me, and I can still see the nervous concern on her face. We head out for the next thing she will be able to cross off her list.
