Beyond A Breath Of Life Before A Breath Of LIfe Was Taken : Baby TC

He died before he was born.  Little Thomas Charles, stillborn son of Charles and Allison.  Charles (Cheesy) was one of the very first friends I made when I came out here to Boston.  I was fourteen, he was fifteen.  That was over seven years ago and he is still one of my closest friends.  I was excited when Cheesy met Alli and to this day I still remember the love that poured out of his heart for her.

Cheesy is mute and Alli is a deaf mute.   Cheesy lost his voice in a car accident that crushed his voice box and Alli was born a deaf mute.  While neither one of them would ever be able to voice an I LOVE YOU to the other there is no question they both can feel in their hearts what neither of them can ever speak to one another.  What one can hear the other cannot say, even if the other could say the other could not hear. 

I remember the night Cheesy told me they were expecting a child.  ( GOD'S PLAN )  He was nervous and proud, excited and worried, all the things you hear a first time new father to be is.  I knew he would be an excellent father and Alli would be an awesome mom, it wasn't something I ever doubted.  He would be as great of a father as he is as a friend.  For seven months I enjoyed observing the happiness and love grow not just between Cheesy and Alli, but between the two of them and their unborn child.

This young couple was truly enjoying the pregnancy in anticipation of extending their family and they were excited at the thought of raising a child in the home where they would become a family.  They were also gifting his brother Frankie and his new bride Cammie with a cousin to their one year old daughter Baylee.  Choosing to wait until their child was born to know whether they would have a son or a daughter was not difficult, they would welcome either and love this child no matter what the gender.  They built their baby room around an unknown gender using neutral colors, a room of nature.  Greens, browns, a bit of yellow and a touch of blue.  Stuffed animals such as giraffes, monkeys, lions and bears.  In opposite corners of the tiny crib decorated in soft baby colors they placed a Thomas the Train stuffed toy in one corner and a Disney Jasmine doll in the other.  No matter what the sex of this child, there would be a toy awaiting him or her at home to welcome more love into the lives of Cheesy and Alli.  The happiness that oozed from my friends was entertaining to watch as it was warm to the heart.  The anticipation of watching them raise a little cheese ball, boy or girl, was something we were all looking forward to come February.

But something went wrong with Alli's pregnancy.  Something went very wrong.  For a reason and purpose only GOD would know, this child was called home to heaven before he would even gasp a breath of life.   Little Thomas Charles was stillborn just a few days beyond seven months of life inside the womb of the mother that now grieves for the child gone before he arrived.  Nothing in life could ever possibly prepare you for your child going to heaven before you do (RIP Amazing Gracie).  Planning the funeral service for your little baby boy that never came home has to be a challenge to your faith and everything you've ever prayed for, but never received.  It would prove to be difficult to celebrate a life that never lived. 

Baby Thomas's services were unique to me as I had never attended a funeral where the casket was fit for an infant child.  Replacing traditional funeral hymns with baby lullaby's said it all.  Rock A Bye Baby, Hush Little Baby, Lullaby and Goodnight, Close Your Eyes and Go To Sleep ... the list of songs I recognized went on and on.  I walked up to honor Little Baby Thomas's life that never was.  I thought about that baby room his mommy drug me into with each visit to their home, showing me any new additions she had made.  I realized at that moment that Thomas the train was for little Thomas should the gender be a boy and Jasmine the doll was for little baby Jasmine should the gender had been a girl.  It brought tears to my eyes as I walked up to meet baby Thomas, closed casket with that little Thomas the train toy sitting on top.  I knew inside that casket he was wearing the little blue onsie from the day Cheesy and I sat in the baby room that would never hold the noises and smells of a new born child.  Wrapped in the blanket his mommies mom made for him with anticipation of his arrival.  It was heartbreaking to witness this service, as beautiful as it was.  More heart breaking was turning around to face the parents of this little child gone. 

A mommy and daddy that prepared themselves to never be able to utter an I LOVE YOU to their child but were determined to show their child the love they held for him.  A mommy who took classes on how a deaf mother would care for her new born baby.  A father who would hear the cries of his child but never be able to speak the words "hush little baby".  Parents that could rock their new born child to sleep but never sing "rock a bye baby".   I sat next to Allie.  She took my hand into hers as if to silence anything I might say to her using my fingers and hands to express my sorrow for her loss.  Allie provided me with a warm smile, a smile I returned to her as I handed her a note.  It was a note I had made in Braille so I could express to Allie in a small quote that showed her I knew what this day meant to her.  Allie took my note and laid it on her lap as she used her fingers to spell out "YOU ARE A NUT CASE" to me.

Allie knew the reason I had this quote etched in Braille on a blue note card.  While Allie was a deaf mute, her sight was perfect.  I wanted to provide Allie with something she could put into her memory box and take out on occasion to look at.  It would remind Allie of the child she would have to wait to see again when she herself was called home by GOD. A reminder to her that what she cannot see she will be able to feel.  She picked up the note card and ran her fingers across the words as she closed her eyes.  The note, written in Braille, simply said  A CHILD STILLBORN IS STILL A CHILD BORN.  I stood up and as I walked away from Allie and Cheesy I heard a lullaby and these words that were spoken ...

  Go to sleep my baby,
Close your big brown eyes,
The angels are with you,
     Looking at you dearly up in the skies.

The Great big moon is shining,
The stars begin to peep,
And it's time for my little Thomas
     To go to sleep.

RIP Baby Thomas Charles

Testing Your Faith

There are times in our lives when we will question GOD. We will ask HIM "why me?" when things are not going according to our plan. We will ask HIM "why are you testing my faith?" when we seem to be weighed down with our sorrows. We will question HIM when we feel HE has let us down, or taken away things from us that we worked hard for. We will ask HIM how HE could desert us at the toughest times of our lives when nothing seems to be going right. We will question our own faith and ask why we bothered to pray to HIM, or praise HIM. What good did it do if the end result was going to knock us down and let us down.

Personally I do not feel GOD ever puts our faith to the test.  I believe we put our own faith to the test.  When everything seems golden in our lives we feel great.  We feel success is ours and hopefully we remembered to thank GOD for all is good.  When things do not seem to be going well for us our first instinct is to ask GOD where HE is that HE is not with us helping us through our tough times.  When we feel alone and deserted it is GOD who we look to and ask HIM why he is failing us.  We should be asking ourselves how strong we are in our faith, not how much faith GOD has in us. 

There is a line from a few movies that set my mind straight in times of trouble.  "The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing us he does not exist."  Satan attacks our faith in GOD at the weakest moments in our lives.  He waits in the shadows during our toughest times when he knows it is GOD we will question.  When he knows it is GOD we blame and look to for answers.  Those are the best times satan could ever move in, sneak in, right there between us and our faith.  It is satan who keeps us down, it is satan who has us questioning our faith and our path. It is satan who is pushing us from behind to stumble and fall.  Satan is at his best when we question GODs plan but it is GOD who helps us move on and is with us every step of the way.  As soon as satan sees how strong we are he moves on to someone else who is going through a weak moment.  GOD is with us when we need him the most, he never leaves our side.

Without hardships in our lives we would never find out who we are, how strong we are.  Without those moments of weakness in our lives we would never build up our strength, never increase the faith we have, not just in GOD, but in ourselves.  Every time we take a step back we leap forward inside ourselves.  Every time we fall to our knees, it is GOD who kneels down next to us and wraps his faith and promises around us to build upon who we are and who we are meant to be.  It is during those times that we need to remember that even though our plans have faulted, it is GODs plan for us that matters in the end. 

When you are experiencing a temporary moment of sorrow in your life.  When you find yourself questioning your strength and self worth. When you are on the brink of giving up, don't just look back and remember the things that did not go right.  That is not fair to yourself.  Look back at every moment of your life, good and bad, and then take a look at all you have accomplished.  Where you are today is right where you need to be.  Where you were yesterday is what got you to today.  Where you are tomorrow is a result of where you have been.  Learn from it, grow from it, embrace it, because it is life and the only thing you need to know about life is that if you don't feel it, you are not living it. 

Embrace the journey you are on and realize your dreams.  The dreams you have for yourself are achievable even if they do not come about the way you have imagined they would.  There are several roads to success, several paths to walk towards your future.  Accept the fact that those who love you, love you unconditionally.  In their eyes you are already a pillar of strength, successful in life, a picture of perfection.  You mean the world to so many people, and to so many people you are the world to them.

“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains."  There for they will never break free to continue on in their journey. 
― Rosa Luxemburg

The Legacy of Davy

A year ago this past May the world lost a good man.  A hard working man whose life ended tragically out on a country road.  Unforeseen circumstances took the life of a husband, a son, a great friend to many and the father of an unborn son.  While the life was taken out of the man, it remained on earth in the hearts of all those who loved him, and continue to love him to this day.  He has not been forgotten and he is missed still today, almost 18 months later.  ( Legends Never Die - follow this link to read its blog dedicated to Davy and his good friend Cory.)

The legacy of Davy lives on in the lives of all that knew him.  After his untimely death his friends gathered around the widow he left behind.  The many hands of his many friends in life picked up where Davy left off in life.  There was so much to be done, so many loose ends to tie up after Davy was laid to rest.  His friends took their many talents and years of experience to stand by his widows side and see her through perhaps the most difficult tasks she would face in the absence of the man who coose her for life, but left her to soon.  They sacrificed time with their families to care for their friend Davy's wife and his unborn child  They proved their loyalty to her husband by standing strong in her presence while they wept silently in their grief at the loss of a great friend.  They were part of carrying on the legacy of their great friend whose departure saddened their souls.,

When Davy's wife gave birth to their son, their only child, they were there to help her celebrate his life, once again, standing strong for his wife, and now for their son as well.  They remain a part of this child's life out of respect for their friend.  The son that has yet to meet his father, the father that forever forward will watch over his son.  The father who will guide his son on earth from heaven above with the help of those still on earth who knew him best. 

The Legacy of Davy turns one this year.  Almost 18 months after his death, as his son turns one, emotions will once again be stirred up.  There will a sadness inside his friends as they continue to watch over the son he's never held,  A sadness as they still grieve for the friend they never thought would tragically disappear from their daily lives.  A sadness as they celebrate the little life that for one year now has begun to build on the life Davy left behind for him.  Of all the gifts a father that would pass before his son was born, the gift of great friends to see him through the years is certainly at the top of the list. 

He won't have a father to watch and learn as he grows.  He won't have a father to ask questions and offer him advice in life.  He won't have a father to teach him to play ball. He won't have a father to ride in a tractor with  He won't have a father to teach him to drive.  He won't have a father to help him study.  He won't have a father ... but he will have his fathers friends ... and because of them ... the legacy of Davy lives, the legend of Davy stays alive.


Father,
God Bless all those that keep Davy's memory alive,
 and whatever it is that You know
they may be needing this day.
And may his son Chance's Life be full
of Your Peace, Prosperity and Power as
he grows in life without his daddy on earth.
In Jesus Christ's name I pray,
who lives and reigns with the Father
and the Holy Spirit
One God
forever and ever.Amen~

 

A father lives inside his sons heart.

 

Beautiful LIfe Moments

This past week I witnessed the most Random Act of Kindness to date.  It's not that I do not see many random acts of kindness throughout my days but this one for some reason left a little more hope in my life that the world is not as bad as it may seem to be.  There are so many people that walk through my daily journey of life and very rarely do I witness anything but kindness, warm smiles, and greetings.  There are times when you run into someone who has just not had a great day and when they feel your sincere words "have a nice day" it can completely turn their day around.  It has been one of my goals for a few years now, to make someone's day better with a simple smile or a heart felt greeting to let them know they are not walking through life alone. 

My girlfriend Kristy and I went out for a dinner date this past week and after we were finished eating she tagged along with me while I did a bit of Christmas shopping.  The mall was, as expected, busy with shoppers eager to find the perfect gift for the loved ones in their lives.  It has always amazed me that this wonderful time of the year brings out the best in people, but also the worst.  The eagerness of finding that perfect gift sometimes resulted in an angry shopper taking their frustration out on a floor clerk or a cash register clerk, demanding an answer of why something was out of stock or not carried at all.  We heard rude remarks regarding the pricing of items and the quality of which it was made of.  There was one instance in which we witnessed a female shopper make a young cashier cry due to the shoppers credit card not accepting the purchase amount as if the young cashier had any control over that issue at all. 

We heard many "thank you's" and "have a great holiday" and quite a few "Merry Christmas to you and your family" greetings.  It was a common sight to see one shopper let another shopper go before them in the check out line.  It was not uncommon at all for someone to reach in their pocket and provide the change needed for the shopper ahead of them to complete their payment.  Many smiles, many greetings, many thank you's from one stranger to another.  Kristy at one point said to me "I love this time of year, everyone's hearts seem to be filled with a lot of happiness."  I agreed with her as I too was feeling that the warm Christmas spirit was outshining the chronic complainers. 

We continued to walk the mall looking at all its stores had to offer in the area of Christmas ideas.  Deciding to sit down and people watch was the norm for us.  It was fun to watch the hustle and bustle of the shoppers as they scurried around.  Couples, family's, friends as well as the occasional lone shopper were passing us as we sat and observed the busy flow of the mall halls.  There was a commotion in front of the Coach Gift store that caught our attention.  A group of boys stood laughing and joking around with each other.  Late teens we guessed, juniors or possibly high school seniors who were hanging out at the mall having a good time.  Other shoppers were clearly steering clear of their antics, often making remarks about them as if they were criminals out on the loose.  We noticed they were getting dirty looks from other shoppers who were profiling them due to their ages and their motions.  I personally thought they were just having fun, being a bit rowdy, but minding their own business and leaving everyone else alone.

Kristy turned my attention to a crying little boy, we guessed he was around the age of six and he appeared to be with his dad.  We listened as his dad explained to him that what he wanted to buy was too much money for him to spend.  We gathered by their conversation that the boy wanted to buy an ornament from the Coach Gift store for his mom.  He had eleven dollars left to spend of his money and what he wanted to get his mom was almost $24. I remarked to Kristy that he must be trying to teach his son a lesson on gift giving and spending money, staying with-in your means and your budget.  Something I have been trying to teach Kristy that was more challenging than just going out and earning more money for her to spend.  I knew the concept all too well.  The little boys tears were just not going to come to an end and we could see the frustration grow inside his dad.

I turned my attention back to the group of young men that everyone else seemed to be labeling as a gang of boys.  They had grown quiet and they themselves were watching the scene between father and son.  Dad was now down on one knee holding his sons hands talking to him in a very loving voice, trying to calm his son down.  There was a small commotion once again about six feet away from where the boys tears were sliding so fast down his face they were actually splatting on the floor between him and his dad.  The group of young men were now standing in a circle when one of them removed his ball cap and they were pulling change and dollars out of their jeans pockets.  The tallest of the boys turned and walked over to the boy whose tears were ripping the holiday cheer right out of my heart.  He handed the hat of money to the little boy and as that little boy took that hat full of random acts of kindness the older boy took his finger and wiped away a tear from the little boys cheek.  The older boy simply turned around and walked back to his group of friends and they took off together walking down the hall of that mall.  Not a word was exchanged between the dad and his son and those teenage boys.

Kristy dug a Kleenex out of her purse and took it over to the little boy to use on his runny nose and waterfall eyes.  As we stood next to them, his dad, whose own eyes were now full of tears offered us an explanation we never asked for.  "My wife died of cancer in September.  It is our first Christmas without her in our home with us.  Sean, my son, wanted to buy her a Christmas ornament for our tree with his own money.  He would not let me help him pay for it."

We stood with them for a few moments, not really knowing what to say I offered, "That was a nice thing for them to do Sir.  Angels come in all shapes and sizes and ages."  He nodded his head in agreement.  A little voice from down low spoke up "Daddy, I can buy mommy her gift now!"  We walked into that gift shop with them to see the ornament this little boy wanted so badly for his mommy, now resting in heaven.  It was a right fine ornament and a nice tribute from a small boy to his angel mom.  Sean seemed pleased with his purchase as he paid for his gift with the money from his pocket and the cap of the tall boy.  Kristy hugged that little boy tight and told him to have a very nice Christmas so his mommy in heaven could see how happy he is that she is with God for Christmas this year.  "What about that boys hat?" he asked, "he forgot his hat."  I took the hat from his hands and put it on his head, "I bet he wants you to have it so that someday when you are tall like him you can look at that hat and remember the nice thing those boys all did for you.  Maybe someday you can help out a little kid like they helped you."  His tears were gone and his smile was big as he grabbed his daddy's hand and they walked off down the same path of the boys that made a little kids heart feel big.

The ornament? It was a white flat plaque type ornament and had a pink breast cancer ribbon on it that contained wings.  'God needed a hero in heaven so he took my mommy'.

As I watched them walk away I thought about my mom, who is also in heaven, and the ornament I received from a very dear and close friend to my heart, that hangs on the Misfit tree each year.  I thought about all the mommy's in heaven this year and all the sons and daughters that carry the pain of a parent gone.  Then I thought about the greatest gift God gives to us.  The gift of loved ones on earth that continue to love us from the heavens above.  I truly believe it is better to have had and miss than to never have had at all.   I urge to you this holiday season to remember to thank God for everything he has given, even if he has also taken it away.  I love and miss all my angles in heaven and thank them for letting me know they are still very much a part of my life.

When Her Soul Went To Heaven, Her Heart Stayed Behind

Just because my mother passed away two years ago this coming November 22 does not mean I have forgotten the things she brought into my life.  Just because my mother died two days before Thanksgiving in 2011 does not mean I do not have plenty to be thankful for, not just on Thanksgiving day, but all the days of the year. 

I have not yet fully accepted my mothers death to the point where I can celebrate her life without many tears streaming down my face.  I want to be that strong.  I want to acknowledge that God took her home and she is void of all the sadness she had in her life on earth.  I want to acknowledge that everything she could not enjoy on earth she is enjoying ten-fold in heaven.  I want to acknowledge that she is now in eternity taking care of the children she lost before she herself left.  I believe all that to be true, and I do remember to thank God for the time I did get to spend with her.  I believe in the Circle of Life and I know we are born to die.  I get that. I do.

Losing my mom was very painful and the memories of saying goodbye to her for one last time before we meet again in eternity was difficult to do.  I am still coming to terms with my brother and I making the decision to take her off life support and let her, and GOD, decide if she still had breaths to breathe on earth, or if she was ready to meet her maker.  Everyone says it was the right thing to do, but not everyone has had to make that decision themselves.  It's the best thing to say I guess, when you know someone who is suffering from that decision.  It's just like when someone dies and everyone says the pain of your loss will lesson as time goes on.  It does not, but I know why they say it. I will agree with this should someone ever bring it up, the longer you live the more you realize that when you put your life in GOD's hands, the more understanding you are of his promise of eternity. 

I keep a box full of my favorite memories left from the days when my mom lived with us here on earth.  There were not many things left behind after my mother died but each item in that box I treasure with all my heart.  There are cards, notes, a couple books from my childhood, a calendar and a few other misc items.  I have a journal I have written that is full of memories from the past, times spent with my mom.  I still pick it up and write down thoughts of those days gone by.  Lately I find myself very sad when I pick up that journal or sift through that box of memories.  There are less and less to write down of the memories of my time with my mom.  A sign that this son lost his mother too soon.  A sign that this son will spend the rest of his life with all the memories he has of his mom in a tiny little box.  A sign that those memories, as heartfelt as they are, are the lasting memories of a mothers love, gone.

I was fourteen when I left the Bushnell home and I was barely twenty when my mom passed away.  Our relationship during those six years were hit and miss.  My mom escaped the Bushnell home herself when she moved to PA to live with her sister.  We found each other from there and a short time later she moved to Boston to be near her two remaining living sons, myself and Jordon.   The difference from when we lived in Sioux City IA was we would be taking care of our mom now.  We were the parent figures who would see her through her final years.  We were the sons who would watch her gasp for her last breath and fall quietly into a heavenly slumber.

Today as I rummage through the memory box I keep of my mom I came across an unopened Thanksgiving card that I planned on giving her on Thanksgiving 2011.  I would have, had she not died a few days prior to the holiday.  My hope upon shutting down the machines that were keeping her alive after a massive stroke was that I would be able to present her with that card.  Her final breath took that opportunity away from me so I stuck that card in the memory box, more then likely not even realizing I had done it.  I don't have to open that card to remember the words I printed inside of it.

"Of all the things in my life I can be thankful for Mom, I am most thankful for the gift from GOD for letting me be your son.  What life has not given us on earth, we will be rewarded in heaven.  Thank you, with all my heart, for showing me how to love when love is all you have. 
Much Love, Jett"

The envelope to that card remains sealed.  I am happy to have it with me although I would much rather it be in a box of memories owned by my mom.  In years to come I hope to be able to take out that envelope and run my fingers across the words written across it 'the WORLDS GREATEST MOM', written by the son of the mother who gave him the greatest gift she ever could.  The gift of the love of a mothers heart. 

Two years ago I lost my mom but I never lost the love she had for me.  The tears that fall from my eyes hold much sadness and sorrow for losing my mother.  I can still feel her love for me inside my heart.  I can still hear her voice telling me she loves me.  Two years ago I lost the human form, the earthly body, of the mom that unconditionally loved me.  Two years ago GOD took back the soul he loaned the earth but allowed us to keep her heart with us.  The memories, the laughter, the love.  The kindness, the warmth of her words, the smiles.  The life, gone but not forgotten.

She was born. She lived. She died.  She completed her Circle of Life.  She was a wife, mother, sister, an aunt, a grandmother.  Beyond all of the above, she was a child of GOD.

I love you Mom, more than I did yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow.  Each breath I have taken since the day we had to let you go is one breath closer to seeing you again when GOD will welcome me home.  Tears that fall from the eyes that miss your smile are not just tears of sorrow but also tears of happiness.  Knowing my sister and brothers in heaven are once again wrapped in your loving arms is a great comfort to me here on earth.  Hugs. ~ Jett

Gracie's Love Continues

Heavenly Father, watch with us over your child Lars and grant that he may be restored to that perfect health which it is yours alone to give. Relieve his pain, guard him from all danger, restore to him your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise him up to a life of service to you.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

When I find myself walking the halls of Boston's Children Hospital it is a pretty sure bet that my heart is missing my little angel Gracie.  One of my Pinky Promises to Gracie was that I would continue to visit the children in the hospital after Gracie ended her journey on earth and continued it in the heavens above.  I have done it many times since Gracie died, but not near enough to really qualify as keeping that Pinky Promise to her.  It's not a matter of time or lack thereof, but a matter of sadness. 

I am saddened with all the reminders I relive when I walk the halls full of children burdened with illness's that some will survive, some may not, and others certainly will not.  The very same halls I would walk when I went to visit Gracie on her treatment days, or the days when she needed to be there when her mother could not meet her medical needs at home.  The same halls that took me through so many emotions as I walked by room after room.  Laughter from this room and tears from that room.  There are parents comforting their child and children comforting their parents.  There are rooms with silence, the silence of a sleeping child, and the silence of parents that have no idea what to say.  The passing of each door tells the story of the child occupying the room in that long hall that holds very few answers regarding the fate of an ill child.

There are waiting rooms full of family members, parents, siblings, grandparents and friends, each of them waiting their turn in visiting their little loved one.  Their faces hold hope, faith, trust, and fear.  They clutch Bibles and blankets and slippers for little feet.  They hold dolls and toy cars that tell the story of how illness effects their sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, grandsons and granddaughters, effecting both genders, not discriminating against one or the other.  There are nervous smiles to those new to this place and a calmness over those used to this process. 

I walked my way through one hall, turning left onto the next and a sharp right as I pass a few more rooms occupied by children who knew their way around that place, accustom to the layout.  Straight up the next hall, four doors to the left is where I would find myself.  I stand outside the room I used to visit Gracie in many times.  The memories race through my mind, of the days I would stand there and hear Gracie laugh and a few times cry.  I remember the first time I visited her to introduce myself to her and get permission to share her story.  A college project that turned into one of the greatest life's lesson I would ever learn.  A college project that quickly turned into more then a grade, more then an assignment.  A college project that would teach this college kid more about life than any single lesson he had ever had before. 

It has been almost 1 1/2 years since my little Amazing Gracie left this journey and moved on to her eternal life with God.  I can honestly say it seems like just yesterday I met her and we packed her eight years of life into a few short months of our friendship.  I have never stopped loving Gracie and not one single day has passed that I did not pray for her soul and wish her a good night.  I work endlessly on the book her and I wrote together so the world would know the story of her eight years of life as told by her and the story of her death as written by me.  She is a daily part of my life and I am certain I am still a part of her spirit.  My Amazing Grace guardian angel.

As I stood in front of that door today, hesitant to peek in, hesitant to go in, hesitant to see what story now lies beyond that door frame, a smile comes across my face.  It is Gracie that led me here today, to that building, through those halls, landing in front of that room.  It is Gracie holding me accountable to the Pinky Promise of visiting these children often.

I hear a faint little voice,  "Hi".
"Hello," I say, "how are you today?" 
Again, the faint voice of a child, "Just fine."

I walk into the room once occupied by my little Gracie.  It is familiar yet void of the pinky deco that once fit the personality of a little girl who loved dolls, the color pink, and tons of blankets.  They had been replaced with toy trucks, the color green, and sports cards. 

"My name is Jett and I just stopped by to say hi", I said.
"You have a cool name.  My name is Lars. Are you sick too?"
"I am not sick. I am sorry you are sick," I muttered, "I like your room."
"It is like my room at my house, it makes me feel comfortable," Lars said matter of fact.

I sat and talked with Lars for about an hour today.  He told me all about his passion for soccer and baseball.  Lars is eight.  The same age as Gracie was when her soul lifted beyond this earth.  Lars shared with me today that he has HIV/AIDS.  That his birth mother was a drug addict and at birth he was born addicted to drugs and infected with the HIV virus.  He was taken away from his mother at birth and adopted by a new mom and dad.  Lars did not blink an eye as he told me his story.  He went on about his love for the outdoors, his fondness of puppies, his skill for soccer.  I enjoyed the spirit of this kid so much I was surprised that the hour had passed so quickly.

"It was nice meeting you Lars.  By the way, I think you have a cool name as well," I offered up.
"It was fun talking to you, thank you for visiting me today", he said.
I stood up to leave and say goodbye and as I turned towards Lars he had his hand extended out to shake mine.
"It is OK if you do not want to shake hands Jett, lots of people do not because I am sick." 
I took his hand in mine and shook it like we had been friends forever. 
"You don't scare me and I bet I could beat you at soccer too," I told him. 
"No, you can not," Lars said with confidence, "You are old and slow and I am fast and little."
I walked towards the door, smiling because he's funny, shaking my head because he's right.
"Jett?  If you come back and visit and I am still here you can stop and see me some more."
"I'll be back and I'll look for you here.  Right now I'm going to practice my soccer skills, so when you get out of here I can prove to you I'm really not that old."

A final wave from me to Lars, and him to me, and I walked out of that room for the last time thinking about it being Gracie's room.  I realized in that short hour that this room has treated a lot of kids and more then likely will treat a lot more even after Lars is no longer connected to it.

I will return to that building and those halls, walking by those rooms that hold the lives of the Littles of the world.  Some will walk out and never return, some will come and go for treatments and some will be carried out after their souls have drifted up to heaven.  I will continue to work on my Pinky Promise to Gracie and visit those children as often as I can.  I will visit Lars again and him and I will one day kick that soccer ball around for real, and he will probably be better at it than I ever could be.

Thank you Gracie, for all you gave me while on this earth with me and also all you continue to give me from the heavens above.  Miss you deeply and love you dearly.  You rock the halo!

 

Tapping The Heart Of Someone Who Loves You

If you are connected to a social media outlet in any way at all you have more then likely read this quote, or a variation of it. You may have come across it in a magazine or another form of the written word. I would guess that most anyone who can read well has to have at one time or another stumbled across this quote. If you have not, and you are reading this blog, you now are familiar with this quote.

 

We all have at least one person in our lives that fit this to perfection. The issue is that we may  not realize who that individual is in our circle, or what they mean to us. I know who at least six of these individuals are in my life, but I am sure there are many more. Not knowing who yours is, is not a selfish act at all. Knowing who this person is to you and not recognizing what they bring into your life IS a selfish act. Even then it does not mean you do not love this person, or appreciate this person. My personal opinion is that you take things for granted. You have an expectation that lives inside yourself that the things given to you, or the things done for you, are someone else's responsibility.

Stop and think about five things you have in your life that someone else has provided for you. Things that exist in your life because someone else has brought them to you. Give this some thought, choosing those things carefully and try to avoid things you need and focus on five things you wanted. While both needs and wants are things we have in our lives, the wants are the things that will help you understand this lesson in gratitude. 

Here is my initial list in this lesson:
My vehicle:  Given to me by my brother with the help from one of our very dear friends.
My skates: Given to me by my Misfit sister-by-law.
My hockey sticks:  Given to me by a friend who knew at the time I could not afford them.
My journal safe:  Given to me by my dad to protect them from harm.
My guitar:  Given to me by two very close friends who knew what strumming meant to me.

None of which I needed, all of which I wanted, all provided to me by others who reached into their own financial pockets to provide me with things I could live without but made my life a little better. None of those givers are takers and they expected nothing in return. They simply faced battles for me so I would not have to battle through life with things that I wanted. These the same people in my life who provide me with the things I need. These are the same people who quite honestly I feel fit the above quote. These are the same people who provide the needs and wants for everyone in their lives they love without fault. They are unselfish, they are kind, they love unconditionally, they care deeply about their daughters, their sons, their family, their friends, and even the strangers they see in need. They ask for nothing in return, and often get just exactly that.

Think about who those people are in your life. What do you do for them that is unexpected, random? Do you thank them and feel that is enough? Do you overlook the thank you because you have become so used to what they sacrifice for you that you often do not see it, or worse, expect it, from them? Do you ever just sit outside their door at night, with your back against it, and listen to hear their pain? Hear the sniffles of the tears they never let you see fall? Do you ever take time to just observe them through the day? See the beat of their heart in the actions they take to help others? Witness their behavior as they move through their day helping others achieve their goals and their dreams, setting their own to the side? 

I encourage and urge you to find those people in your life who provide you with an unconditional love so great you will never have to worry about your needs or your wants again. Provide them with the most random acts of kindness you can think of. Be careful in how you choose those random acts of kindness, remembering that chores are not random. Random is something unexpected that tells someone through a kind action that you know you are loved unconditionally. That you know the difference between needs and wants and that the wants in your life are appreciated. A random act of kindness is something you do to make someone else feel thought of. Think about things that make your heart happy when someone does something for you completely unexpected with no expectation of getting something in return. The best random acts of kindness are free. Little notes left in places only they have access to. Sharing a funny moment of your day with someone because you know they will enjoy the story and laugh with you. A hug for no reason at all. A homemade greeting card for no reason at all. Drawing a picture and taping it to the door they exit through first thing in the morning.  

My personal goal each day is to make someone smile. To give their heart a little tap that lets them know they are loved. Family, friends, strangers ... it really makes no difference when I reach out to let someone know that someone cares. It's not just the kind thing to do, it's the Christian thing to do. I have always been the guy that stood up for the kid getting picked on because he's different than others. I know that makes me a bully's bully and I always try to use words of reason before I lash out with anger and lecture a bully on the etiquette of kindness and accepting others for who they are and not who we would like them to be. 

I also try not to forget about those that cry silently behind doors when their hearts feel forgotten. I try to remember that the gentlest tap on someone heart can remind them that they are loved and appreciated. Those whose unconditional love provide me with the things I need in life and support me with the things I want, even when I do not expect for, or ask for, them. Giving back to those that give with no expectation of anything in return is rewarding to my heart and hopefully makes their hearts feel a steady rhythm of being loved in return.

Thinking further into this lesson of random acts of kindness to repay those with hearts of gold that silently suffer alone when no one seems to appreciate what is given to them I find myself thinking about God. I realize that God provides me with everything I need when I place my life in his hands. It is because of Him that I have in my life the people I need to walk my journey on earth with. It is Him who has given me the people in my life that support not just my needs, but my wants as well. It is God that has placed these unselfish people in my life and it is God who is pleased when I gave back unselfishly to those that unselfishly give to me. It is not just the givers hearts I am tapping in the world when I acknowledge what they mean to me in my walk on earth. I am also tapping God's heart and acknowledging to him that I am thankful for all He has given me. 

Today, make it a point to tap the heart of someone who gives you so much that you often times fail to realize it has been given to you. Show someone today that you understand the positive difference they make in your life when it comes to the things you want. Give back to those that give and expect nothing in return. Perform an unexpected act of kindness today and perhaps you will prevent one door from being closed so someone else can hide their tears because their heart feels unloved. 

Today it is not about you, it is about those that make you who you are. It is not about what you need, those things are already provided. It is not about what you want, because there is that one person in your life that makes sure you have them. Today is about the person that gives and gets nothing in return. Today is about tapping that heart and making it skip a beat because you gave in return.

THE CLIMB

My brother Jordy and I both have the gift and talent of being able to play several instruments with no formal training.  It is a hobby for both of us and we both use it more as a stress release than anything else.  We are by no means artists in the musical field and neither one of us would ever hammer out a living by playing or singing, even if we had the desire to do so.  Playing our guitars out on either my deck or his is how we bond.  We are as different as night and day but our musical side helps us bond as brothers and as friends.  Jordy and his wife Brooke and their little girls Olivia and Jaci live next door to the Misfit house.  The only disadvantage to this set-up is we are a houseful of guys and him living with three divas often forces him to flee them and come over to our safe haven.  That is not the disadvantage, that comes when the little divas are upset with daddy and come running over to tell Papa their daddy is being a diva. 

The biggest advantage for me to having my brother live next door is the bonding that takes place without us even realizing that is what is happening.  Almost every night that is void of rain we sit together and strum our guitars and sing.  Some nights there is very little talking and others we sit back in the lounge chairs and just talk about our lives.  How far we both have come since we left the Bushnell house in Sioux City that raised both of us until the age of fourteen. 

As different as Jordy and I are there are a lot of things about us that are similar.  For instance, neither one of us requires much sleep at all, which allows us to spend time together at night, our on the deck, strumming our guitars.  While I have become literally an open book about my past and the physical, mental, and sexual abuse inflicted upon me by our 'dad', Jordy has been tight lipped about that very same past he endured.  We both experienced the same abuse in that house, we just choose different avenues to deal with it.  We are both driven by our past to be the best we can be at everything we do.  No subpar effort on either of our parts.  It's never good enough, which drives us to be more successful in the things we choose to do in life.  We both love big, me wearing my heart on my sleeve and Jordy keeping his buried deep in his heart.  Avoiding life is not an option and living it to our fullest potential is the only option. 

We have fun sitting out on the decks and playing music.  One of us always has something new we heard we want to play.  He finds something, he plays it, I pick it up by ear and we work on harmonizing the song together.  Outside of the deck Jordy doesn't really 'jam' with anyone else or on his own.  He spends time teaching Olivia, his three year old, the piano.  I have no problem jamming on the deck by myself or playing for the Misfits who get creative with the lyrics to popular songs.  I often take my guitar with me when I visit Gracie, Connor, Ce'dric and Alana, to play Christian music and find peace in my heart for the souls that left my life.  I also sing in dive bars who let me sing for free, karaoke when out with friends, and yes, I sing in the shower.

Last night I sat on the deck after my hockey game to jam a bit and relax.  I wasn't out there for more then ten minutes when my brother came over with his guitar.  "I have a song I like the lyrics to bro, listen to the words", he said as he began to play.  It was an old song and I'd heard it many time before.  A couple nights ago when Jordy and I were on his deck laying back in the lounge chairs talking he brought up the struggle we had growing up.  We talked about the current struggles we face in our lives.  We both wondered if those will ever go away.  Not the new struggles that we all face in our journeys, but the dark pasts that live deep inside of us.  We both find that we are fortunate in our lives even when we feel things lagging a bit.  We always pick ourselves up and carry on.  We always find a way over, under, through or around what stands in our way.  We are driven to succeed and not leave any life behind us once our last breath beyond a breath of life is taken.  We both agree, it is the one gift our 'dad' gave us in our lives.  Through all the abuse, all the pain, all the tears, we are fighters because of him.  We will not let his words bring us down, his actions halt our growth.  We will live life as it is intended to be lived, no regrets. 

This is the one and only time I will ask you, my readers, to listen to a Miley Cyrus song.  This is the song my brother wanted so desperately to 'teach' me.  This song touches Jordy's heart in big ways, so big he wanted to share it with me.  It was the first time since I was fourteen, over seven years later, that I have had my brother open up to me about our past, about our future, about our CLIMB.  We shared tears last night, not over what each of us has been through, but about the climb we have taken to get to where we are.  For the first time ever my brother told me he was sorry.  Sorry he left me behind in the Bushnell house just so he could escape the same abuse he knew I was getting.  Sorry he wasn't the brother to me he should have been.  Sorry for deserting me and mom. 

I was able to tell Jordy, for the first time, that I didn't blame him.  It was not him who tried to mentally destroy my spirit. It was not him who beat me with the promise he would kill me.  It was not him who sexually abused me.  I also got to thank him for all I have that is good in life.  It was him who saved me from death.  It was him who altered his life to raise his little brother.  It was him who gave me back the brother I felt I never knew. 

Jordy said it best when he said "This song is the life you and I live on a path in our journey's that will have us walking side by side, pushing every mountain and climbing to the top of the next one.  And when we get to the top of that mountain we will be with our family again, and this time, I will never leave you behind."

THE CLIMB

 Click to hear THE CLIMB

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

Chorus:

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

Chorus:

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Chorus:

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Teaching The Littles ... Lord, Keep Me Safe

God, your love is so precious!  You protect people as a bird protects its young under her wings.

- Psalm 36:7

It is so important for the littles of the world to know that they are loved. Not all littles get shown that they are loved even when they are, simply because some adults are so consumed with life outside the home they don't realize their behavior towards the world problems often takes away the love they have for their littles. Showing the innocent Littles love is very rewarding to my heart.  Teaching the Littles about how much God loves them and the things He does to show them that love is one of the most precious gifts I can give them, and give God.  In many ways the great imagination of a child makes it easy to explain how big God is in their tiny little worlds. It can also be challenging since they cannot physically see God.  One of the twins, Isabella, is afraid of anything that moves that is not human.  She is too young to realize that the feeling she has when a dog comes near her is fear.  She is too young right now to even realize who God is and how he protects her.  When she visits and runs into our neighbors (my brother Jordy's) dog Charlie she shakes from her fear of him.  I tried to tell her that God would never hurt her and He will protect her.  She now calls Charlie by the name of God.  "God", she says as she points to him.  It makes me laugh and I know in time she will "get" the whole lesson and perhaps outgrow her fear of animals.  The bright side is she has already included God in her vocabulary.

Lord, Keep Me Sate

The world feels big, and I feel small.

Still, God, You listen when I call.

My soft words whisper in Your ears,

And then You come to ease my fears.

You calm me when I feel afraid,

And help me to be very brave.

You stay beside me day and night,

And always keep me in Your sight.

Thank You, God! Your love, I know,

Protects me everywhere I go.

This is the prayer I actually use to help control my anxiety about life.  I close my eyes and darken my world and whisper this prayer to God.  I might have to repeat it two or three times to comfort myself and calm my fears but it eventually helps me relax and put my trust and my faith in God.

The important lesson about this prayer, for the littles of the world and us adults as well, is having the faith and strength to share our fears with God and allow him to comfort us with his Grace.  Placing our troubles in God's hand comforts us and shows us that he truly is always right beside us, as long as we allow him to walk with us.  He is everywhere you need Him to be, always.  He is everywhere you are, even when we fail to realize He is with us.  If you do not have faith that He will protect you, you are not letting Him in.  Letting Him in your heart and opening your mind to His promise of peace, happiness and love is what will calm your fears and lay your trouble to rest.  Letting the littles of the world witness your head bowed in prayer and your arms raised to the heavens thanking God for being with you will remind the littles as they grow older that they have a friend in Jesus and that God will keep them out of harms way when they make the right choices in life.

LUKE 18 : 9-14

Sunday's Gospel from the Book of Luke has always been one of my favorite lessons taught through the church.   I was first introduced to this passage when I was fifteen and attending classes when I wanted to be baptized and accept God into my life.  The lesson was simple:  Be humble in your walk of life, accept responsibility for your short comings, and be as forgiving to others as GOD has been to you.  We are all challenged in our everyday walk of life in the area of forgiveness and judgment, to ourselves as well as towards others.

Forgiveness has always been more challenging to me than judgment.  It is not so much the forgiveness of others as it is forgiving myself.  I have never considered myself to be perfect in any way and quite honestly perfection is not something I strive to be.  I often get accused of never being satisfied with anything that I do accomplish and while I will admit those accusing me of that are correct, it is not because I am striving for perfection, it is because I am afraid of letting others down.  So when I feel I have not done my best, or could have done better, it is because I want to do better for others.  I want to be a better writer and perhaps make more of an impact on the lives of my readers.  I understand that as human beings, in today's world, we all struggle with basically the same issues.  I have trouble forgiving myself for the times I feel I have not been a more positive influence on the lives of others around me.

No one wants to be judged, not for who they are or what they do.  I do not have to try hard at all to avoid judging others and how they live their lives.  I believe my Bushnell Ave upbringing in Sioux City Iowa taught me that lesson quick in life.  When I escaped the house I was mentally, physically and sexually abused in I found myself not so willing to judge the things I witnessed in life and the people that were in those circumstances.  Instead of judging the 'bum on the corner sleeping on the bench' I found him a place of shelter.  Instead of walking away from someone I witnessed being bullied I stepped up and called out those judging them with their bullying actions.  I am not calling myself out at being perfect by any means and I will always work on being a better Christian and a kinder individual.  I am merely expressing how simple it is to take a stand against those that judge.

Personally I feel those that stand in judgement of others do so to avoid judging themselves.  Admitting your own weaknesses is difficult and throwing judgement on others is an act of protecting ourselves from, well ourselves.  The more we tend to judge others the more secure we feel in accepting what we do not like about ourselves.  I think my friend Jewels said it best when she said "It is easy to point out the weaknesses in others as we hide the weaknesses in ourselves."  She told me that she thinks that some people try to make themselves look better by pointing out the faults of others.  I guess I agree with her outlook on the blame game and why people play it.  There is no good reason to stand in judgement of those around us, it is just a way of excusing our own faults.

LUKE  18:9-14

Jesus addressed this parable
to those who were convinced of their own righteousness
and despised everyone else.
"Two people went up to the temple area to pray;
one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.
The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself,
'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity --
greedy, dishonest, adulterous -- or even like this tax collector.
I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’
But the tax collector stood off at a distance
and would not even raise his eyes to heaven
but beat his breast and prayed,
'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.'
I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former;
for whoever exalts himself will be humbled,
and the one who humbles himself will be exalted."

If you believe in God and the eternity he offers us when we experience our last breath of life on earth, you most certainly must believe that only HE stands in judgement of each of us.  It is not for us to judge how others live their lives.  When our judgement day arrives we alone will stand before God and be judged on the life we lived.  There will be no one standing next to us to compare ourselves too.  We will not be judged on how others live.  We cannot point fingers in blame, we cannot point out the weaknesses of others or the strengths of ourselves.  Entry into God's Kingdom and the speed at which we arrive there will be based on how we lived God's Word while we walked on earth.  

Mathew 7 :  "Judge not, that ye be not judged."

Romans 12:19 :  "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

Do not judge the sins and shortcomings of others for you also have sinned and you also have shortcomings.  Worry about yourself and to your own self be true.  Father Tom once lectured on The Book of Matthew, telling us that a man who steals the newspaper thrown on his lawn in error is no less of a sinner then the man who steals his neighbor's wife's heart.  The sins appear different but both are wrong and both are of equal value in the eyes of God.

Do not seek revenge when you have been done wrong.  Do not waste your energy on 'getting even' for on judgement day God knows, and God has kept score.  Your energy is better spent working on a better you, fixing what you can, moving on from what you cannot fix.  You take care of yourself and let God take care of those around you.   Forgive those that have sinned against you and throw the need for justice out.  Put your troubles and worries in God's hands and let others deal with God and his plan for them on their own.  

 

 

Amazing Grace : The Bravest Little Girl ...

Gracie was the bravest little girl I knew, perhaps the bravest person I will ever meet in my journey on earth.  She was the strong one, always, when we would visit.  I spent many hours with her in the final months in her journey on earth and I can count on one hand how many times she cried because she was dying.  On the other hand I can count how many times she complained about receiving chemo and radiation due to her brain cancer and how it over took her tiny little body.  I'm not saying she never cried, but the tears that fell because she was leaving earth were few and far between.  She accepted her fate of such a short time on earth and believed with all her heart she was going to live with God.

Gracie knew more about heaven and what it held for her then anyone else I have ever talked to about heaven.  She talked about what it looked like, she talked about her journey between earth and heaven and the park she would get to live in until God was ready to meet her.  She held as much knowledge about God and his plan for her in her head than the love she held in her heart for Him..  She liked the idea of working for God in heaven and meeting his mommy and her son Jesus.  "It's going to be beautiful there Jett," she would tell me, "more beautiful than anything we see on earth."

When I first met Gracie she was very tough on me and it was intimidating to me until I realized how she was just trying to protect me from a friendship that in a matter of weeks would have to continue in our hearts.  "Do not treat me special because I have cancer."  Do not feel sorry for me because I am going to heaven.  Do not cry when I leave."   It was constant, those demands.  I could pinky promise her all day long on those demands but I would break the promise every day I left her as I cried on my ride home.  She would text me from her mom's cell phone about five minutes after I left.  Stop crying Jett I know you are.  She would be 100% absolutely right about that with each and every text she sent.

I pinky promised Gracie that after she left us on earth I would go to visit her final resting place on earth often.  "Keep the dust off of me please", she would say with a laugh.  It is one of the many pinky promises I have kept.  Yes, I keep the dust off of her, and yes I leave her gifts.  Anything pink from hair ribbons (because she assured me over and over again she will get her long pretty hair back in heaven) to barbie dolls in pink clothes.   I also leave post it notes, on pink paper of course, telling her things going on back here on earth.  VISITED YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY TODAY ; OLIVIA WORE YOUR KICKS TODAY ; ATE A CHERRY CREME DONUT TODAY.  Insane, I know, but it helps my heart.  I miss my buddy, my little angel on earth.

I also sit with her and talk about all the people I brought into her life, filling her in on what everyone is doing.  I like to imagine she is still sitting with me, making faces at me and telling me "you're silly, silly as your name is".  I can close my eyes and hear her giggle, see her bright smile, hear her heart beat - bursting with all the love she allowed to live in it.  Truly she is a child of God, from the moment she took her first breath, to the moment she took the final breath that carried her beyond a breath of life on earth.

Gracie was brave, strong, positive, and courageous, and when she was ready to die she was brave, strong, positive and courageous for the rest of us.  She dedicated her remaining weeks of life to make sure those left behind were going to be alright.  When Gracie told her parents she did not want any more treatments it let everyone involved in her treatment know that this tough little girl was ready to go.  I watched Gracie at the Cancer Center the last day she would ever step out of that building and go home and prepare herself for God and the life in heaven he was offering her.

I watched all those medical professionals as they tried to be tough for her.  I watched as they held back tears, as they said goodbye to her, as they quietly walked away.  I heard her tell each one of them to be positive for the rest of the kids, to be strong for them and  told them "do not cry when I leave today."  I tried to put myself in her parents shoes that day when they drove away from the only place that could prolong the life of the child they were losing, knowing it was near the end for them, this family of three.  The only day sadder to me than the day she stopped her treatments was the day I went to visit her at the hospital for the very last time. 

Gracie left this earth a better place.  She left this earth with more love then it had when she was alive.  She left a big mark for the short eight years she was with us.  She left so gracefully for an eight year old little girl that lived her life as if would never end.  She believed, she had hope, she had faith, she had love, she had God on her side.  The strength she showed up until the day she died was as contagious as the love she shared with all.

If you know someone who has dedicated their life to making a sick child's life better, please find a way to thank them for doing a job that takes someone with the strength of a dying child to do.  They also have to be brave and strong and positive and courageous.  The doctors, the nurses, the staff in our medical facilities, the volunteers, the parents, the siblings, the families and the friends that hang tough and believe, and hope, and pray for a cure.

Stay Strong
(follow this link and try not to shed a tear)

I love and miss you Gracie, with every beat of my heart.  

"Someday will never be soon enough"  :-)

~ Jett

 

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Teaching The Littles ... Thank You, God!

All things were made through Him. 

Nothing was made without him.

- John 1:2

One of the lessons I tried to instill in the Littles was to be thankful to everyone, for everything.  I took this just a step further by helping them to understand why they were thanking people.  It was easier then I thought it would be actually, and it was fun watching them think of why they were being thankful.  I remember when my mom was still alive, Grandma Shirley to Jimmy.  She was very helpful in teaching Jimmy prayers.  My mom made Jimmy and myself spaghetti and meatballs when he was just four years old.  After dinner was over and dishes were done we sat with my mom just to visit before I took Jimmy home to his mom.  Jimmy had to always sit on the arm of the living room chair my mom was sitting in.  "Grandma Shirley?" , he said.  "Yes Jimmy?, she responded.  "Thank you for making that delicious supper for me, it was my favorite." he replied.  My mom asked Jimmy what he was thankful for about that meal.  "I am thankful that you spent your time to make me food and feed me.  I am thankful for the people who grew those noodles and meatballs so you could make them for me.  I am thankful for that cow that he gave you milk for me to drink.  But mostly Grandma Shirley, I am thankful that we got to spend time together with each other.  That would be good even without the food."

Thank You, God!

Busy bees and butterflies,

Flowers, trees, and stars,

Rainbows, clouds, and wiggly worms.

Fireflies in jars.

God, You made so many things,

For my two eyes to see.

Thank You, God for making them,

For everyone and me!

As we get older and we become more thankful for the things God has provided to us, we sometime forget that God gives us all we need to walk our journey on earth.  There are times when we wonder how we will make it to the next day, the next hour, the next minute, in our lives when our days are dim.  We ask God "why me?"  We try to figure out what we did wrong to end up in the situations that we are in.  Then we have days as bright as the sun and we are pleased with how well we are doing and we sometime forgot it was by God's design that our day went well.  We don't always thank Him for those sunny days as quickly as we blame him for the dark and dreary ones.  

It is important to help our littles in the world understand that sometimes things are not going to always be that great.  That we will struggle in life and we will need to find our way back on the straight and narrow road we should be on where life is grand and all is well.  The best way to teach our littles this lesson is to practice it ourselves.  Each day is a gift from God and each day we should thank Him for the opportunity to make the right choices.  Thanking God openly for everything he has given us, including the littles of the world, will show those littles that everything in life is a gift given to us by God.  Accepting those gifts and thanking Him for them is a never ending show of appreciate and builds our faith for a future that will bring us many disappointments, only to find more satisfying gifts further down the road.

It is that simple.  Without the rain there would be no rainbows of beauty, but without the sun we would never find the beauty of the rainbows.  Accept what is put in front of you and be thankful for where it leads you.

Teaching the Littles ... The Morning Prayer

Lord, teach me your ways.  Guide me to do what is right. 

 - Psalm 27:11

The littles in my life, Jimmy (7), Olivia (3), Channing (2 1/2), Abigale and Isabella (1 1/2) and Jaci (1), are my nieces and nephews, some of them blood, some of them misfits, but I love them all as if they were my own littles. Their parents were not raised devote Christians, meaning they were not practicing in the religions they were born into. Mikey and Kathy and Brooke were baptized but had never attended church services on a regular basis. Mikey was baptized and attended church every Sunday while his parents were alive but once they passed he stopped going to church. Jordy (my blood brother), like myself was not baptized or even introduced to religious beliefs of any sorts.

I myself was not attached to any religion until I was the age of fourteen. I somehow convinced my brother he and I should be baptized, resolved of original sin, the whole nine yards of accepting God into our lives. I committed myself to God the day I received the Sacrament of Baptism. I was fourteen when I accepted Him into my life, I accepted the Grace he instilled in me, and I have been faithful in following His Word and maturing into the Christian I feel He wants me to be. Even though the adult Misfits in my life do not attend Mass on a regular basis, they allow me to touch the littles life with God's promise of love.

I have been a part of every one of the Littles baptism ceremony and each time I witnessed this leap of faith I made a promise to God and to the Littles that I would make sure they have the opportunity to get to know God and who He is in their lives on earth. My gift to each Little as they were baptized was their first Precious Moments Bible. It contains prayers and bible passages that I use to teach them the good of God and the goodness he wants us all to show. While the prayers are not my own words, I read them to the Littles until they memorize the prayer and can 'read' it to me. Between the time I introduce the prayer to them and they can recite it back to me I use their journey in life to teach them what the passage and prayer means. The littles in the world will naturally make many mistakes along the way until the adults in their lives teach them the right ways. My hope is that as they get older and life presents them with new challenges they will remember the simple prayers they have learned from the beginning.

My Morning Prayer

 Dear Father, hear me when I pray.

Guide my steps throughout this day.

Help me to be kind and true, 

in everything I say and do.

Help me with my words today;

Keep them gentle while I play.

Help me to know right from wrong.

Guide and bless me all day long. 

The Morning Prayer not only fits into the Littles world, it is just as telling to adults about simply being nice to others. Choose your words wisely, think before you speak, be kind in your words and truthful in your heart. You do not have to be a Christian to understand right from wrong, you just have to be a compassionate human being. What you do have to have is others in your life that will keep you motivated to want to be the best you can be, no matter who is watching you. The Littles completely believe, as I do, that God is always with you and that alone will keep His guidance of your goodness on your mind, as a reminder that when you are kind to others, God is happy and pleased with you.

Treat others as you would want them to treat you is a saying I have heard since I can remember. It is that simple: be nice, be kind, and be truthful in your journey and others will treat you the same. Anything less than your best will result in a struggle inside yourself that you surely will not win. Life is difficult enough, why make it any harder by being untrue to yourself, to God, and to your fellow man.

Until It Hits Home

DEDICATED TO MY WESTERN IOWA FRIENDS WHO WERE HIT WITH DEVASTATING WEATHER THAT LEFT PATHS OF DESTRUCTION IN THEIR LIVES. 
Prayers and Peace - Jett
 
When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways-- either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.

We travel through our lives bumping into constant reminders that we are only as safe as the world allows us to be.  We read about the tragedy of terrorism that demolished the Twin Towers in a planned attack on our country by hatred for Americans.  We read about the violence in our cities that have multiplied between gang members that are killing hundreds of innocent people caught in the line of fire between two rival gangs and their hatred for each other.  The unwarranted beating of an American War Veteran with no purpose or motive that took his life on American soil after surviving two wars on foreign ground.  The killing of a college student in Kansas while he was running to maintain his athletic frame merely because three teenage kids wanted to know how it felt to shoot someone.  Many tragic lives are lost daily, for no better explanation other than the  hatred that lives inside our souls.

We read about robbery's by gun point at banks, shopping malls, corner stores and  gas stations because someone is desperate for money, food, drugs.  We read about home invasions and the theft of someones property, personal possessions they  have worked hard for, simply because a criminal feels entitled to whatever they want.  We read about car jackings and muggings and pick pockets and all sorts of violence that have altered the lives of so many.

We count our blessing that it wasn't ourselves that have been the victim of senseless, countless, often random acts of violence or assaults against our person or the possession we have in life.  We also count our blessings when tragedy misses us.  When someone else falls ill, when someone else loses a loved one, when someone else was robbed or beaten.

We count our blessings .. until it hits home.  It is then that we lose sight of the blessings in our lives and are overwhelmed with feelings of loss.  We look at everything that has been taken away from us, our home, our pets, our land, our livelihood.  We feel beaten by life, we think about all we have given and all that has been taken away.  We feel alone and we feel empty.  We feel singled out in life as a victim of the unknown where there are no answers.  No reasons.  Only questions.  Why? What did I do?  Where do I go from here? How do I move on?

While it may seem odd to hear someone tell you to keep counting your blessings and focus on your faith, that would be my advice to you today.  When everything has been taken away from you, you still have yourself, you still have your family, you still have your friends, and you still have God.  Now is not the time to lose faith in the life you live or the God that gave it to you.  This hardship and tragedy was not a test by God of your faith in Him, but a call from Satan so you question God's love for you. 

Now is the perfect time in life to count your blessings, look into your past and remember all the times you felt defeated and all the times you defeated that feeling coming out a winner.  How you came out stronger each time and moved forward with the same blessings you have today.  While it has to be devastating to lose your personal possessions and even the lives of your family pets, your home, your livelihood and your dreams, you are still surrounded by those that love you, those that need your love, and the love of God.

"For the road you travel on and all its detours, is the road you chose to be on.  All roads eventually have roadblocks and all roads eventually need repairs, but all roads lead to a better world where one day everything you have lost in your heart along the way will one day be yours again." - JMP

Please know you are in my heart and in my prayers in your time of need.  As devastating as mother nature has been to you in this recent storm tragedy the blessing that remains is the love of family, friends, and strangers have for you in this trying time of your life.  You are not a victim, you are a survivor and like the storm that took away the life you built in years gone by, this too shall past.  And when you start counting your blessings in life again, you will realize how blessed you are.  You will see that survivors are not victims because they see the diamond in every piece of coal they are handed.