PROVERBS 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bone.Who are you? Is this a question that will bring out the best in you ... or the worst? Most of us struggle with not just who we are, but also with who we are not. I would venture to say if you spend a great deal of your time apologizing to others because you have hurt their feelings, there's a pretty good chance you are unhappy with who you are, the you that you hide from others when you pretend to be someone you are not.
Those of us who are unhappy with our lives try to find ways to make ourselves feel better about it by pointing out the faults of others. We also will use tactics that require us to disguise our demons by being one way in front of people, and another behind their backs. We tend to judge others for who they are in an effort to hide from ourselves our own faults. Not only does this behavior damage those we are judging, but it does even more damage to ourselves.
James 3:14
But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.
Jealousy can quickly turn us into someone who begins to envy what others have that we ourselves do not. I believe that jealousy is less about what possessions others have and more about what we our selves do not. I also believe that someone who shows signs of bitterness and envy for others does so out of a protective measure for the emptiness they feel inside. Ask yourself these questions : Do you spend more money on yourself then you should? Do you try to fill that empty feeling inside of you with material possessions? Are your closets full of things you will eventually get rid of, tags still hanging on them? Do you find yourself constantly seeking out that next purchase you can make? Is it during times when you are struggling with who you are? This is a measure of avoidance in our lives. When we feel empty we seek out something fun and something good, which allows us to deny we are in need of self realization.
There are many self-help books and many forms of therapy that we can seek out to help us in our search for who we are, who we are not, and who we desire to be. You can pour thousands of dollars into self esteem improving therapies that will help cure you of all the habits you have taken on in and effort to hid yourself from the demons living inside of you. Even then you are putting your trust in the hands of others who will not be able to see how truthful, how honest, how deep, you are allowing yourself to go into solving the issue you face. You can continue on as you have, lying to those around you, trying to fool those around you, and not being a decent human being to others during the times when you feel unhappy with who you have allowed yourself to become. Or you can fix this. You and only you can fix the damage you have done to others when jealousy and envy has invaded your way of life.
The fist step in fixing yourself is to be honest with yourself about who you are. You need to stop trying to convince others you are better then you actually are. You need to stop judging others for who they are simply because you do not like who you have become. You need to be the friend to others that they are to you. You need to face the cold hard truth that you are responsible for the things you say and do. Only you can fix what you do not like about yourself, things that others probably do not like about you either. It is never too late to work on being a better you. It is never too late to let people know you have treated them bad and you are willing to fix your behavior and treat them like they deserve to be treated. Void jealous behavior and judgmental ways. The change begins with you, and forgiving yourself will be the biggest challenge your face.
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
~ Leo Buscaglia
Honesty and sincerity go a long way whether you are on the receiving end of acts of kindness or administering acts of kindness. One thing is certain, everyone can tell if an act of kindness is given from a loving caring heart, or is delivered with an intent to get something in return. If you would like being on the receiving end of acts of kindness you are going to have to be willing to do things for others as well. If you want others to be honest and sincere with you, you need to be honest and sincere with them.
I challenge you to spend 20 minutes today in silence, looking at yourself in a mirror. Twenty minutes of doing nothing but using the reflection you see to reflect on your inner peace. Lack of inner peace is what pushes us to judge others, lie to others, bully others, and seek out the weakness in those around us to mask the lack of inner peace with-in ourselves. You may find it hard to look at your reflection, for mirrors do not lie. Accept your appearance as a gift from God. Free yourself of any flaws you may see in your outer appearance for it matters not what you look like on the outer shell that hides who you are on the inside. Look into your eyes, beyond the color, past the physical being. What do your eyes tell others about you? What is it beyond the eyes that makes you who you are? What things can you change with-in yourself that will strength your inner peace and free you from the demon that allows you to accept you for who you are and others for who they are. Be true to yourself, shut down the lies you have been telling yourself and others. Build upon the things you like about yourself and change those things you don't.
True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island. To find ONE real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep them is a blessing.
~ Baltasar Gracian
Are you slowly pushing away the people in your life that are true friends with your lies and behavior? Are you pushing away the friends in your life that could possibly be your good fortune because you do not appreciate their honestly? Are you burning the bridges of friendship that may be your blessings because you are unhappy with your inner peace? Are you surrounding yourself with people who can help you build on your inner peace or do you surround yourself with people that buy into your lies about who you are?
Be the friend to others that you would like others to be to you. Lessons learned should be lessons not repeated. Find out who you are, learn to love the you God instilled in your, and accept that you will never be who you are not meant to be. Inner peace is only achieved through honesty with ones self. Set aside the excuses you use to justify the demons you refuse to release. Let go of the lies that bind you so tightly they strangle the friendships you need to find yourself. Set yourself free, and be who God would like you to be.
Not a day goes by that I do not stop and think about who I am and how I can improve the inner peace I build on daily. Not a day goes by that I do not stop and think, "would my mother be proud of who I am today?" Not a day goes by that I do not thank God for giving me HIS Grace to carry me in my journey so that someday when I am beyond a breath of life, I am standing in front of my mother who invites me with open arms, acknowledging that even though I am far from perfect, I've lived a life that made her proud.
