James 1:12
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial,
for when he has
stood the test he will receive the crown of life,
which God has promised
to those who love him.
I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to blaming God for the tragic events that take place in my life. The older I get and the more secure in my faith I become the more I realize that without sorrow and pain in my life, my life would not be as fruitful as it has become.
Today's Sunday service took me down yet another path of realization in all that has happened to me since my earliest childhood memory at the age of seven when my father first physically abused me, leading to seven years of physical, mental and sexual abuse. I remember that day as if it were yesterday and even though I am six plus years removed from that abuse, the pain in my heart and the confusion in my mind is as real as reliving those days over again.
Sunday Mass is always exhilarating and refreshing to my soul. I will admit that there are Sunday's where I feel I am not fully participating in the service and I will sit and reflect on something in my life that is weighing heavy on my mind. I never walk out of a church service where I have not learned something about myself that I never realized before. I am not your typical catholic parishioner, even though I rarely miss a Sunday service or religious holiday Mass, there are several things about the Catholic church I do not agree with. I believe in God and I believe in his plans for me on earth as well as in heaven when that day arrives. I walk along my journey, accepting all that is good and bad and try to be a good citizen to my community, a good brother and uncle to my family, a good boyfriend to my girlfriend, a good friend to my friends, and a good Christian to those that cross my path.
There is a strength in me that only God could have put in me. I have survived some of the most horrible crimes against a child ever recorded. I have survived the pain of three sibling deaths. I have survived the death of my mom, and yes, even the death of the man who I find it hard to call my dad. I am learning to survive with the gifts God has given me, my writing skills and my spiritual callings. I have been blessed with an athletic nature and a musical talent that allow me to enjoy an even bigger social life then a guy could ask for. The many blessings of God have surely shined down on my soul and for all that is good I am thankful for.
As crazy as this may sound, I have also learned to be thankful to God for the times of despair and duress in my life. I have accepted the things that have happened to me even though I do not understand them. I have resolved God of all blame and accepted that those life lessons have made me who I am today and will strengthen me for who I will become and what I will endure in the future. I know I can always be a better form of who I currently am, and I accept that tragedy in my life will help me become a more complete Christian as I journey on earth, preparing for my journey with God.
1 Corinthians 4:5
Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time,
before the
Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now
hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart.
Then each one will receive
his commendation from God.
Doubting God's plan and blaming God for the evils of the earth is an easy way to relieve ourselves of the responsibility of living a good Christina life. I have blogged about the Ten Commandments given to us by God to guide us in our journey's on earth. The importance of following those commandments is proven time and time again in a world were hurting others at the expense of our own beliefs has altered the lives of many innocent and endangered the lives of many more. Beyond the Ten Commandments issued to us by a forgiving God is a gift we are all born with no matter what race or religion we decent from. Humanity. The quality of being humane and kind. The main trigger in knowing right from wrong. The lone common denominator of all human beings. Born into a world where living good is the only option as long as we are loved and share our love with others.
God provided us with the gift of life. All we have to do is be kind to one other. Yet when we don't use the tools provided to us by God to be kind and treat each other in a humane fashion and tragedy occurs, it is God we blame. We weep and we mourn and we cast judgement on our Maker. We judge and blame the people we love, the people we hate, the people we do not know, and the God that gave us life. As I said before, I also blame God and try to convince myself I am the victim. The closer I get to God, the more I let the spirit live inside of me, the less I blame Him. The more I pray the less I find myself wondering why God let things happen and more of what I could do differently to be a better human being in a world where it is not God who cast tragedy upon us, but it is us humans who allow these things to happen.
We show hate to those that do not worship as we do We show hate to those who have things we do not. We rage in anger and jealousy towards anyone that is not like us. We judge others for being short, or tall. Thick or thin. White or not. We try to destroy others that do not live under the same laws and rules as we do. We try to convince others our way is the only way. We seek revenge when wronged. It is not God who does these things. It is ourselves. We are destroying a world that was loaned to us in our journey to whatever Kingdom our God has promised us. All we really have to do is be kind to each other.
“You must not lose faith in humanity.
Humanity is like an ocean;
if a
few drops of the ocean are dirty,
the ocean does not become dirty.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
“One love, one heart, one destiny.”
- Bob Marley
“Life is to be lived, not controlled;
and humanity is won by continuing
to play in face of certain defeat.”
- Ralph Ellison
