"Our journey on earth will challenge us with many crosses to bear.
No one cross is any heavier than the other." ~ Jett
"Walk a mile in my shoes" is a phrase you often hear when you are standing in front of someone expressing to them a burden heavy on your heart and clouding your mind about whatever cross you are bearing in your life. It's probably one of my least favorite phrases we as humans toss around. It's as if the person making that statement to you is telling you that their troubles are worse then your own. That their life is somehow much harder to live then the life you are living. I believe we all have our cross to bear and that no matter what we are going through there are others going through a hardship in their own lives that is just as hard for them to understand and get through as our own.
I have blogged about many of the times I was struggling in my life in one way or another. It is therapeutic for me to blog about my life. My past, my present and what the future may or may not hold for me. It is not to compare my struggles in life with the struggles of anyone else in the world. In fact, my hope is that someone, somewhere in the world, will feel like they are not alone in the struggles that they face when they read about mine.
It is no secret to anyone who reads my blogs that I was abused mentally, physically and sexually in the house I grew up in. It is no secret that many children are mentally, physically and sexually abused at the hands of a family member, or a friend of the family, or even a stranger. There are many children who are no doubt mentally, physically and sexually abused that we do not know about. There are many children who are abused that some people know are abused but do not offer them help in getting out of the situation they are in. It is tragic for all that have fallen victim at the hands of their abusers. It is a cross to bear in life that no child should ever have to carry through their lives, yet many children do.
No child of abuse has it any worse, or any better, then the next child being abused. To try to compare whose pain is bigger, whose hurt is deeper, or whose abuse is worse is demeaning to anyone who has been abused. It's like the difference of a white lie and a flat out lie. While the white lie is to protect someone's feelings, it is still a lie. "Thy shall not bear false witness" is one of the ten commandments and it speaks of untruthful words against one another. It does not say "Thy should not bear false witness with the exception of the white lie". A lie is a lie and the truth is the truth, no matter to what degree either has been told. It is the same with the cross we bear in our lives. A struggle is a struggle and not one of us struggles any more or less then the next person.
I am twenty-one and from the ages of seven to fourteen I was a victim of abuse by my birth dad. I will struggle with the reasoning for this abuse the rest of my life, Even if my birth dad was still alive today I would never understand the sins he committed against me, but it is not in my nature to not keep trying to figure out (1) what I did to deserve the abuse, (2) what I could have done differently to avoid the abuse and (3) why my birth dad did not love me. My brothers more then likely suffered through the same abuse as I did although two of them are now deceased and cannot answer that question for me. My living brother confirmed his abuse for me but chooses to not openly deal with the struggle of that part of his past. I don't feel my abuse was any worse then what they went through, even though my brother and I handle our past history differently.
I don't know what my brother feels in his heart about what he went through but I don't know how it could compare any differently to mine, or to any other child that was, or is being, abused today. The abuse may be different but the scars it leaves in our souls is the same. The memories etched in our minds may be different but the nightmares are the same. The pain it leaves in our hearts shows outwardly at different levels but the question as to why we were not loved by our abusers is the same. It never leaves you, just like the death of a loved one never goes away, the nightmares of our past will always keep us on the edge of a goodnights sleep.
It makes me sad in my heart when I come across someone who feels the need to challenge others on the severity of the cross they bear in life. What it is about their struggle for them to feel the need to have it worse then the rest of us? How does the need to have it worse then anyone else make it any easier to cope with whatever struggle you face. What makes your situation, your past, your abuse, any harsher then the next victim? What makes the cross you bear in life any heavier then anyone else's?
I think the most inspiring words ever spoken to me when I questioned someone's fate was the day I asked my little friend Gracie who was dying of brain cancer what I thought would bring a completely different answer then the one I received.
“If you had one wish that you knew would be granted, what would you wish for?” With little thought her answer sent tears rolling down my face. “I would wish that no one else in the world would ever get cancer, and go through all the pain and fears that I have … and that I will be the last one ever, to have to die, because of cancer.” ( Meeting Amazing Gracie additional blog link)
"I will never ask you to walk a mile in my shoes, but I will walk next to you in your journey. As long as I can I will help you carry whatever cross you are bearing and make your burden lighter."
~ Jett
