The Look Of Pain

 

We all know what pain feels like and the degree at which it hurts us.  Sometimes the pain is just a ping in our hearts and sometimes the pain rips our hearts to shreds.  A friend of mine who lost her mom before I lost mine said to me something like 'until you have experienced it, you wont know how much it hurts'.  She was right and even though I had lost siblings before the death of my mom, losing my mom hurt just as bad but in a bigger way.  There just really is not an accurate way of describing the pain you feel when your mom exits the earth and enters the heavens above.  Those of us who have lost our moms can also tell you this, that pain never goes away and there are times that just when you think it has hurt your heart as much as it can you will experience a moment when it hurts more then it ever has in the past. 

Every little thing that could possibly remind you of her will.  There will not be a day that passes that something isn't put in your path that will take away a breath as you are reminded of a day when she was still physically with you.   I never kept anything of my mothers that I have sitting out in my home or in my office that reminds me of her when I see it.  I never felt I would need them, I just knew from the deaths in my life before her that there would be plenty of things that would bring back a memory of her for me.  I have a memory keepsake box that holds some personal things of mine that were given to me by my mom.  Holiday cards, birthday cards, a couple little knick-knacks, a newspaper clipping of announcing her death, a pile of poems she had written and a few other items.  I even kept a grocery list she made for me that I never got a chance to pick up for her before she died. There is also a post it note she left on her refrigerator that says "remind Jett Michael to get a haircut".  I never need to open that memory box to be reminded of the love I have for her.

How pain feels, as hard as it is to describe to someone, is nothing compared to the look of pain.  Again, unless you have felt that deep of a pain there is no way you will be able to randomly look at an individual and detect that pain inside of them.  You may attend a funeral service and hear the grief in the sobs or see the grief as tears stream down a face.  You may be able to collectively notice the look of pain at the highest moment of public mourning.  You can assume that the look of pain is seen as you observe a family saying goodbye to their mother one last time before they start to grieve alone.  However, until you have felt it, you will miss the true look of pain that lingers on after the expected grieving time frame has come and gone.

The look of pain never leaves you.  You smile and carry on but that smile will never again be the smile you once showed the world before you lost your mom beyond a breath of life.  Your eyes will hold a sadness that others will never detect if they have never felt your pain.,  They will always hold a bit of dimness that was never there before you lost your mom beyond a breath of life.  You will laugh but your laugh will never be the heartfelt laugh you displayed before you lost your mom beyond a breath of life.  It will look different even if it sounds the same.  Conversations with others will not be as intense even though they will not be able to detect it  Your focus in a one on one conversation will be lessened by the look of pain. 

You will walk by family and you will notice the look of pain in each other because you know each other understands the depth of pain no one else sees.  You will look closer in the eyes of each other because you know you share a special kind of pain that others have no idea is there.  You will see in each other a more painful walk, a less peaceful sleep, an absent breath from your lives as you once had before your mom moved on to an eternal life.  You will unknowingly look for the signs of pain in each other now that you know what each other has loss is the same warmth of a mothers touch, sound of a mothers voice, comfort of a mother who along the way has become your friend. 

In time you will all open up and ask the questions to each other about the pain you share, confirming the pain that no one acknowledges can still be seen.  The rest of your lives together you will see that pain in one another and it will eventually become a comfort to each one of you that the amount of love you had for your mother is equal only to the amount of love you have for your family who hurt as much as you do.  The silent pain that we feel no one understands unless they also have lost their mother to the heavens above us will remain with you all of the days of your life.

 

The Look Of Pain

 

We all know what pain feels like and the degree at which it hurts us.  Sometimes the pain is just a ping in our hearts and sometimes the pain rips our hearts to shreds.  A friend of mine who lost her mom before I lost mine said to me something like 'until you have experienced it, you wont know how much it hurts'.  She was right and even though I had lost siblings before the death of my mom, losing my mom hurt just as bad but in a bigger way.  There just really is not an accurate way of describing the pain you feel when your mom exits the earth and enters the heavens above.  Those of us who have lost our moms can also tell you this, that pain never goes away and there are times that just when you think it has hurt your heart as much as it can you will experience a moment when it hurts more then it ever has in the past. 

Every little thing that could possibly remind you of her will.  There will not be a day that passes that something isn't put in your path that will take away a breath as you are reminded of a day when she was still physically with you.   I never kept anything of my mothers that I have sitting out in my home or in my office that reminds me of her when I see it.  I never felt I would need them, I just knew from the deaths in my life before her that there would be plenty of things that would bring back a memory of her for me.  I have a memory keepsake box that holds some personal things of mine that were given to me by my mom.  Holiday cards, birthday cards, a couple little knick-knacks, a newspaper clipping of announcing her death, a pile of poems she had written and a few other items.  I even kept a grocery list she made for me that I never got a chance to pick up for her before she died. There is also a post it note she left on her refrigerator that says "remind Jett Michael to get a haircut".  I never need to open that memory box to be reminded of the love I have for her.

How pain feels, as hard as it is to describe to someone, is nothing compared to the look of pain.  Again, unless you have felt that deep of a pain there is no way you will be able to randomly look at an individual and detect that pain inside of them.  You may attend a funeral service and hear the grief in the sobs or see the grief as tears stream down a face.  You may be able to collectively notice the look of pain at the highest moment of public mourning.  You can assume that the look of pain is seen as you observe a family saying goodbye to their mother one last time before they start to grieve alone.  However, until you have felt it, you will miss the true look of pain that lingers on after the expected grieving time frame has come and gone.

The look of pain never leaves you.  You smile and carry on but that smile will never again be the smile you once showed the world before you lost your mom beyond a breath of life.  Your eyes will hold a sadness that others will never detect if they have never felt your pain.,  They will always hold a bit of dimness that was never there before you lost your mom beyond a breath of life.  You will laugh but your laugh will never be the heartfelt laugh you displayed before you lost your mom beyond a breath of life.  It will look different even if it sounds the same.  Conversations with others will not be as intense even though they will not be able to detect it  Your focus in a one on one conversation will be lessened by the look of pain. 

You will walk by family and you will notice the look of pain in each other because you know each other understands the depth of pain no one else sees.  You will look closer in the eyes of each other because you know you share a special kind of pain that others have no idea is there.  You will see in each other a more painful walk, a less peaceful sleep, an absent breath from your lives as you once had before your mom moved on to an eternal life.  You will unknowingly look for the signs of pain in each other now that you know what each other has loss is the same warmth of a mothers touch, sound of a mothers voice, comfort of a mother who along the way has become your friend. 

In time you will all open up and ask the questions to each other about the pain you share, confirming the pain that no one acknowledges can still be seen.  The rest of your lives together you will see that pain in one another and it will eventually become a comfort to each one of you that the amount of love you had for your mother is equal only to the amount of love you have for your family who hurt as much as you do.  The silent pain that we feel no one understands unless they also have lost their mother to the heavens above us will remain with you all of the days of your life.

 

MISFIT: Blood Relates You, Loyalty Makes You A Family

It's really easy to see the beauty of God's work when a four and eight year old wake you up to surprise you with breakfast.  My wife and I have my niece Olivia and my nephew Jimmy staying with us for a few days.  Katie loves having them over on the weekends and their parents are happy to let us take them.  Olivia and Jimmy are misfit cousin but love each other big. 

I talk a lot about my misfit family.  My definition of a misfit is someone who is not related to you by blood, marriage, or adoption but I consider my family.  Jordy is my blood brother so his daughter Olivia is my natural niece.  Mikey was my brother Joey's very best friend and when Joey died Mikey looked after me as if he were my brother, making him my misfit brother.  Mikey adopted Jimmy when he married Jimmy's mom Cathy making Jimmy my misfit nephew.  When Katie married me Olivia became her niece by marriage and Jimmy became her misfit nephew.  Since Jordy and Mikey are not blood related, their kids are misfit cousins.  See how that works?

The difference between a natural family member and a misfit family member is really very minor in my world.  I love them all equally, but when you grew up apart from your natural family you form your own family of misfits.  People that you invite into your life or people that invite you into theirs because you love them like you love your family.  Misfits are the family members you would choose if you got to make that choice.  They are more then friends to you in your life and often they somehow came to you at a time when their family could not be there for them.

My dad Jake, is my misfit dad.  I was not born into his family but he also was a great friend to my brother Joey and when Joey died it was Jake who stepped into my life to help me find my way.  I had a natural father but he failed our family miserably and Jake provide me with what my birth father could not.  When Jake became my misfit dad, he became Papa to the little's in my life, all of them are misfit grandchildren to him but you would never know that by the love he gives them and they give him back.

I have a misfit brother Alexander who came into our home when we attended college together.  The apartment complex he rented a room in burned down.  He lost everything including his glasses and money.  He is from Ohio and my dad invited him into our home because he had no natural family members near to help him out.  He lived with us until he graduated college, met a girl, married her and moved a few blocks away from us.  He will always be my misfit brother.

James is also my misfit brother.  He is from Atlanta GA and he came out and stayed with us for a summer, liked it, and never left.  We met through my misfit Aunt OJ who lives in Iowa and I met her through my natural brother Joey, my misfit brother Mikey and my misfit dad Jake when we all live in Sioux City IA.  James is OCD and his Atlanta family sheltered him from the world to protect him from his disease.  When he came to stay with us for a summer we treated him like a brother, forced him to face his fears.  He came with the understanding that he would never hold a job and never drive a car.  Today he has a full time job, a part time job and is working on getting his license.  His misfit nieces and nephew here love him and to them he is simply Uncle James.

I have a natural aunts and natural uncles, cousins, second cousins and many natural relatives related to me by marriage.  I have a huge misfit family that I love as if they were my natural family.  While I am slowly getting to know all of my natural family members I know I will always love an build upon my misfit family.  I will always meet people in my journey on earth that I love as if they were specifically and especially given to me by God.  There is just a special kind of bond that your heart feels when you come across someone in your life that you feel so much love for that you cannot imagine how you are not blood related.  A connection that makes you feel as if the word friend could never describe the love you have for this person. 

This morning Olivia, James and I drew our family tree.  In red ink we wrote the names of our natural family members and in orange ink we wrote the names of our misfit family members.  What a colorful beautiful tree we created full of red and orange leaves hanging from branches that would never be part of our tree had we never met one another in life.  It was a beautiful illustration that represented the love we should all share with each other whether we are connected by birth, marriage, adoption or simply connected by crossing each others paths in life. 

I think my 8 year old nephew Jimmy said it best when he said  "This must be why GOD made trees so they grow so big. So when you find more people to be in your family you can fit them on the tree without it ever breaking."

Four year old Olivia comprehended things a bit differently when she said, "So me and Jimmy would be on Santa's misfit toy island?"

BLOOD RELATES YOU, LOYALTY MAKES YOU FAMILY

Year Eight Wings

Even though Feb 7 is the day, it's always the day before that date I cannot sleep and the day after that date I am saddest.  One of my greatest fears of disappointment is that everyone will forget what that date means to me.  It is the date, eight years ago this year, that my brother Joey died.  Each year that the anniversary date of his death comes I fear less and less people who knew Joey will forget about the short life he spent on earth with them.  Even those that did not know Joey, but know me, I fear will forgot about the brother I didn't get to keep.

With each passing year there are less and less people who communicate with me about how sorry they are for my loss, or how much they miss Joey, or how they still think about him and the life he lived.  So the day before Feb 7 it is constantly on my mind.  Who will I not hear from this year?  Who has forgotten that he is gone?  Who was able to put Joey's death behind them and move on?

It wasn't me, and I hope it never is.  It's just important to me for some reason that others not forget about my great loss.  The day after Feb 7 I spend coming to grips with those that have forgotten and I try to release that fear from my soul.  But it never leaves me and I know that next Feb 6 I will get no sleep, Feb 7 I will mourn his death all over again, and Feb 8 I will be sad that more of his friends, my friends, and our family have forgotten. 

I spend time through-out the year keeping him alive in the hearts of the little's in my life.  His nieces Olivia and Jaci, his best friends kids Jimmy, Channing, Abbey and Izzy.  The other misfits little's in my life that I wish could have know my brother Joey and how cool he was.  Olivia and Jaci's mom never forget Joey's birthday and they will have a birthday party in his honor.  Once a year in the month of July his best friend Mikey and our brother Jordy and myself head out to the cape and spend a couple hours sharing memories of Joey's life.  The same spot every year, the spot where we released his ashes and set him free.  Once a year, on the date my dad, Jake, met Joey he goes to mass, a mass he pays for to honor the memory of Joey.  Our Aunt Mary will bake an upside down pineapple cake from scratch several times through the year and invite us over because it was Joey's favorite cake.  All very nice things that help keep the memory of Joey alive for us.

On Feb 6, 7 and 8 I wonder if this will be the year those traditions stop.  Will this be the year one of them forgets and never again remembers the memory of the life they have helped me keep alive?  Will this be the year that something else, someone else, takes the place of the absent brother I miss more then the world can imagine.  Will this be the year one of them will also leave the earth and forever be gone from my sight even though they remain in my heart?  Will this be the year?  That question haunts me for the entire year and nothing I can say or do, no amount of prayers and dreams and wishes, will ever be able to comfort me in my fear that my brother will be forgotten out of the hearts of those I love and those that love me.

Joey ~

 I know you are in heaven and I know you look out over us, keeping us safe and warm from a cold world.  I know you are with Jacelyn, Jayson and mom.  I know you are near my little Amazing Gracie.  I know you are where you are supposed to be, where you wanted to be.  I know you know I am afraid of losing you all over again when others were able to let you go and move on, knowing you are safe, with wings that comfort us. 

I know you send reminders to me about the times we shared our walk on earth together.  I can feel your hugs, I can hear your whispers.  I know we still share the memories we have of each other in our hearts.  I know I am strong because you help me be.  I know I am loved because you let me feel it.  I know I am blessed because you are always with me.  I know I am not alone because you guided me to a collection of misfit family members in my life. 

I know I will never forget you, never stop loving you, never stop reliving those memories or dreaming those dreams.  I know I am OK because you are OK.  I know I am right where I should be in God's plan just as you are right where you should be according to God's plan.  I love you brother and I miss you. 

Do you know how much I love you?  I love you Beyond A Breath Of Life, and brother, that's a lot of love.  ~ Jett

 

Why Some, Not Others

I have several people in my life right now asking this question.  It may sound like a generic question but it is not.  It is not even generic as far as who the question is directed toward or who the question is about.  You may be able to pinpoint where the question is coming from, not who, but why.  It can be phrased several different ways, but no matter how it is formed, the question can never be answered here on earth.  Here is the question the way it is meant to be asked.

"Dear GOD, why do you allow the good people to suffer

 and the not so good people prosper in life?"

 

I have asked that question many times in my life and I am sure I will ask it many more times.  It doesn't mean I do not believe in GOD or HIS plan.  It doesn't mean I am losing faith in GOD or HIS plan.  It doesn't mean I do not trust GOD or HIS plan.  It means I really am not liking HIS plan at the times that question rises up from my heart.  That is where this question comes from, the heart.  This question comes from something we love almost as big as GOD Himself.  Something has effected someone we love so much that we want to know why GOD has brought something like this into our lives.

 

February 8, 2015, it will have been eight years since my brother Joey died from complications of lung cancer.  Each year on the anniversary of his death my heart asks GOD that question over and over again.  "Why Joey? Why not someone else?"  I miss him everyday and some days I miss him with every breath I take. 

 

On that date each year I allow myself to be just a little upset with GOD for taking him from me.  It is not as if I have not lost other siblings (RIP Jacelyn and Jayson) or my mom (RIP Mom), or even my abusive birth dad.  It is not as if I have not lost other extended family members or friends, or even little Amazing Gracie, in my life.  It is because Joey is the one I prayed for GOD to let me keep.  Joey is the one that I prayed for GOD to let stay, even before I fully understood who GOD was I asked HIM to not take away the brother who I looked up to as my savior.  The one who would protect me from our birth dad, help me get away from him without losing my mom in the process.

 

Yes, before I knew that Jesus was GOD's son and GOD sacrificed His son to save us so we may one day live an Eternal life, Joey was my savior.  Joey was the one willing to sacrifice himself so that I had a better life.  I wanted GOD to let Joey stay and help save me from the evils of the world, including saving me from myself.  Losing Joey was like losing my savior.  Losing my hope for a better life. Losing my belief in anything good in my life.  "Please take someone else, I need my brother", I would tell GOD several times a day in Joey's final hours.

 

So on this date, eight years ago, when Joey took his final breath before his next breath 'Beyond A Breath Of Life' I lost my savior, or so I thought.  I asked the question 'why Joey, why not someone else'.  I spent the next eight years trying to ease the pain inside my heart that never seems to fade.  The pain that hurts as much right this moment as it did eight years ago when my savior step into an Eternal life with GOD.  Only these days as soon as I ask that question, I remember I already know the answer.

 

My life is rich, not with money, but with what I have that you cannot buy.  The love of my misfit family, friends, and even the strangers around me.  The happiness of success in the path I am on.  A beautiful bride that inspires me to enjoy everything around me.  The joy of watching my nieces and nephews grow and the innocence and purity of what they offer me in their smiles and hugs and laughter.  My life is no where near complete, but I am on a beautiful path that may be full of hills and obstacles but each one only adds enjoyment and richness to my life.

 

Do I still ask that question, Why Some, Not Others?  Yes, many times, but these days I do not try to find an answer, I look at what I am surrounded in to see the answer.  GOD's plan.  It is not the answer we want to hear but you can look around you and see it.  Most moments if you let yourself, you can feel it.  Everything that happens in your life as you journey to Eternity with GOD is HIS plan to get you to HIM.  It's not what you Hope for, Pray for, Believe in or Trust.  It is embracing everything that is happening to you and realizing that you are where you are supposed to be.  And while we do not always understand the why's and why not's of our life, it is the Hope, Prayers, Beliefs and Trust that take us to GOD, that gets us through each struggle that has our hearts questioning why.

 

So next time you are faced with something that you feel has made you weaker, take a look around you.   That mother that is fading away, her love for you is not.  That father that's heart is breaking a little more each day as his one true love fades away, he still has his kids.  Those siblings that you ache for because you know their pain, they love you deep.  Those sons that need you and you love so big, GOD's plan was not what you lost to have them, it was what you suffered through to get to have  them in your life.  When you ask yourself "why some and not others", remember that there are times in your life that you should think about it in reverse and be thankful it 'was you, and not someone else' that GOD blessed.  It was you that GOD chose to enrich the lives of others, just as he chose HIS SON to sacrifice so that our lives may be enriched until we get to the Eternal Life that GOD has promised us.

 

I will always miss Joey and I will always want it to have been someone else that left the world.  Not because I am selfish, but because I loved him in my life that much.  It's that now, I just try to remember to thank GOD for everything I have in my life that makes me never want to lose anyone.  Enjoy what HE has given me and be thankful for those times HE knew I was strong enough to handle those things I didn't want to lose. 

 

Love you Joey, Beyond A Breath Of Life and that's a lot brother.  Keep looking over my Sturges family friends back home and my Lindgren friends out in the country. 

 

For God so loved the world,

 that he gave his only begotten Son,

 that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,

but have everlasting life.

John 3:16



Losing Your Religion

I've been there, several times in the eight years I've lived in Boston.  Boston is where I found my religion, my spiritual world.  I wasn't born into it like so many Christians are.  I wasn't raised with it as so many Christians are.  I wasn't married into it as so many are.  I wasn't forced into it either.  I saw a church, walked in, saw the beauty and peace it provided and asked if I could be a Christian in their religion.  It happened to be a Catholic church so I became a Catholic.  Had it been a different religion I would have become that religion.  I took all the required classes to become Catholic and I involved myself in the church as I met each requirement to receive each sacrament. 

I enjoyed learning the prayers so much that I actually joined the Ladies Guild in order to be as close to the prayer chain as possible.  I'm not sure if I'm an official member of the Guild but they treat me as if I am.  The elder female members of the Church are the ladies that keep the Guild alive and functioning.   They are the ones that organize events and keep the prayer chains rolling as people put in their requests.  I often call one of them with a request to start a prayer chain for those around me that are struggling with life issues and need a little help, a nudge, to get through their most difficult times. 

This morning I talked to Ester, the sweetest old church lady a guy would hope to be on his side.  She is such an important part of my spiritual world and a great substitute grandmother in the absence of a grandmother in my life.  She has embraced this old soul inside this young man and accepted the challenge of guiding him through his spiritual world.  When I walked into early morning mass today I walked up to where Ester sits and before I even set down she asked me what was on my mind today, what is bothering me.  I will admit I am a bit stressed over a friend who is struggling with a life issue and somehow Ester, the kind soul she is, felt it before I could address it with her.

Ester is used to hearing my plea for a prayer chain for someone who is ill, someone who is having relationship issues, someone who lost a loved one, or someone who is losing a loved one.  Today I would talk to Ester about my great friend who has so much on her plate right now she is beside herself with a whole new kind of grief.  One I myself have yet to face someday.  My friend is watching her mothers life slowly fade way, her best friend is battling brain cancer, she is struggling with a career changing decision, another friend is watching his mother battle an illness and just a lot of little things she has no control over are swirling around her daily.

"She's losing her Faith, her Hope, her Will", I explained to Ester.  "She is questioning the existence of the GOD we cannot see, feel or hear."  I explained to Ester that I feel my friend is pulling away from GOD.  That she is feeling defeated, alone, and no longer see's the value in the struggles GOD has placed before us.  "Can we start a prayer chain for her?", I asked.  "Can we pray long enough and hard enough to get her through the next few months until she can bring herself to renew her faith, find hope in her life and will herself  back into HIS arms?"

"We certainly can Jett,"  she replied.  "We can ask GOD to let her know that no matter what happens in her life, HE is there for her and HE is there for her friends, her family.  We can ask GOD to keep her heart and her mind open to HIM that she may see the light of his way and accept HIS plan for all of us as HE sees fit to do so."  I thanked Ester and she assured me that after mass she will start the prayer chain and keep that prayer chain going until I let her know my friend is strong in HIS spirit again and has found comfort in HIS way. 

I don't think bad of my friend and her struggle with her faith.  As I stated earlier I also have struggle with my faith at times, usually when I need GOD with me the most is when I question HIM the most.  So I get it, I really do, and I will continue to push little reminders her way that I love her and the reason I get to love her is because GOD crossed our paths.  It is actually because of this friend that I know about religion at all.  She used her faith in GOD to help comfort my brother when he was dying.  For six months she sat next to him talking to him about GOD and his readings.  The last two months of his life she sat next to him reading to him from the Bible and talking to him about what she felt GOD was trying to tell us from whatever passage they were reading that day.  We did not grow up with any religion or knowledge of who GOD was beyond someone occasionally using GOD's name in passing. 

I guess this is the first time I have watched GOD slowly slip out of someone's life.  I have witnessed several people accept GOD into their lives, but never expel HIM from their life.  Someday I will blog about my anxiety issues and how those attacks make me feel, but generally speaking as someone who suffers from anxiety I cannot imagine what it must feel like to give up your faith because of what life is dealing you.  I am not judging her, or anyone for that matter, I am just trying to wrap my head around how horrible it must feel on the inside when you feel GOD has given up on you.  In the mist of my worse anxiety attack where you cannot find any reasoning for how you are feeling, not once did I question whether I should keep GOD in my life or kick GOD out of my life.  I always just waited for my faith to kick in to help me overcome my anxiety about life even though I could not pin point where that feeling was coming from.

I am sad for my friend and my heart aches for how much she must be going through right now.  To feel so alone in your struggle that you do not even feel GOD near you has to be frightening.  To be willing to push HIM out of your life when you have no other hope in survival has to be a very desperate attempt to make sense of what you can never make sense of.  I pray to GOD that she will find comfort and peace in her current struggles.  I am sorry for all the struggles she is facing right now, all at once, but I know in my heart that GOD will never give us more then we can handle.  I just need for her to believe that too.

My Friend,
Nothing in life is worth losing your religion for.  I know that your heart is heavy with sadness right now and your mind is struggling to process all that is happening in your life.  I pray that you find comfort in GOD's touch and never lose sight of HIS presence in your life.  It was you who once told me that everything GOD does leads us to HIM and even the struggles should be looked at as if GOD is leading us to the next step in our journey.  It was you who told me that as much as it hurt to lose Joey in our lives, had he not been in our lives, had he not lost his life, neither one of us would be where we are now.  You told me everything happens for a reason and only when we get to GOD will we understand why things happened the way they did. 

I am sorry for your family and what you are experiencing now with your Mother.  I am sorry your best friend ever is fighting cancer and wish no one every had to.  I am sorry you are struggling with your career choice at this time.  Please remember the world changes for all of us on a daily basis and the things that are changing in your life right now will open up the path to GOD and HIS plan for eternal life where we will all meet again.  I am so happy to be part of your life and I am proud to consider you one of the best friends and biggest influences of my life.  Thank you for all you have given me and all you have shown me.  Thank you for being that friend that taught me to never give up, never look back.  Love you Aunt OJ.

     Peter 5:10

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace,

who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ,

will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.