A love so strong, nothing in the world could fix what went wrong ...
Carlos was in grade 4 last year when his little brother Manny, who was in kindergarten, died from the result of a tricycle accident. I was student teaching 3rd and 4th graders at the time and more then a year later I still remember the tragedy of it all for not only Carlos and his mom, but for the entire 3rd and 4th grade class. I taught both classes an hour a day, focusing on the English language, and often combining the classes when the lesson could be directed to both grades.
One of the combined class projects was to make cards, write letters, or draw art to give to my little Amazing Gracie. I had talked to these students often about Gracie and her fate with terminal brain cancer. I had also talked often to Gracie about my 3rd and 4th graders. My students could not believe that Gracie missed going to school and being with her friends and Gracie would have given anything if it made it possible for her to go back to school and be with the normal kids.
I remember how sad Gracie was for Carlos, losing his little brother like he had. He was always the first one she would ask me about when I would visit her. She was very concerned about his heartd and his happiness. Carlos was intrigued by Gracie's fate and although he was extremely sad for her having to die so young, he wanted so deeply for her to find his little brother Manny and make sure that Manny had found their daddy who went to heaven shortly after Manny was born.
Two little humans, both of their lives effected by death at such a young age. Hers by her own soon to be death, his by the death of a little brother. Two little kids whose paths crossed because death had pushed their paths together. One of Gracie's Pinky Promises with me was that I was to keep Carlos in my life, be his friend, make sure he is OK. In return, Gracie would find Manny and Carlos' dad and make sure they were together in heaven. I have kept that Pinky Promise, and I and Carlos have remained in each others life.
I hung out with Carlos today, going to his Scout meeting, picking up my nephew Lil Dude, going out for lunch and then the three of us playing catch in the fresh outdoor air. I was sure Gracie was watching from a big white fluffy cloud today and I imagined sitting next to her was Manny and his daddy. I knew Gracie had been hanging close to me and the proof to me was when my niece Olivia drug the barbie dolls Gracie left to her over so I could play barbies with her. When I saw that pink doll case she was carrying as she walked into Papa's house I could almost hear Gracie laughing. She loved making me play barbies when I visited her at her house before her journey ended here on earth.
When we decided we had played enough catch for the day we hooked ourselves up with a rootbeer float and then it was time to take Lil Dude home. I liked how close Lid Dude and Carlos were becoming and watching them knuckle bump goodbyes to each other showed how solid their friendship was becoming. On the drive to take Carlos home he grew increasingly quiet. I could sense something was on his mind but he was hesitant to talk to me about anything outside of the fun day we shared together. It wasn't until after we had gotten into his house and sat down to rest for a few minutes that Carlos decided to tell me what was on his mind.
"You know the Boston Bomber Boys? The ones that killed and hurt people in our city?" he asked me. "Yeah Carlos, I watched a lot of news about all that." I replied to him. "Well they were brothers", he said. "I know Carlos, they said the younger brother loved his brother so much he agreed to help him do this to our city", I told Carlos.
Carlos sat in silence for a couple of minutes, I could tell he was thinking deep. I asked him, "Are you OK Carlos?" When he looked up at me I could see a great deal of sadness in his eyes, the same sadness I remember seeing the first time I saw him after his little brothers accident. "Jett", he said, "I loved Manny enough to never want him to get in trouble or hurt anyone." Big old tears were in Carlos' eyes and I could see they were about to fall out and roll down his little cheeks. "You loved your brother big Carlos and you were a great big brother to Manny." With tears rolling down his cheeks, the now 5th grade soon to be 6th grade student said, "The big brother should of loved the little brother more then the little brother loved the big brother and nothing would of happened bad to our city."
We visited for a while longer, with me answering questions that Carlos had about the brothers as best I could. It was difficult to explain that kind of brotherly love to Carlos, a love so strong that you were willing to such a great act of evil against others that did you no harm. A love so strong between brothers that one was willing to drag the other through hell and one that was willing to follow a path so dark he would surely spend a long time in God's Park before he gained access to God's eternal life of happiness and peace. A love so strong it turned to hate.
Carlos was worried about brotherly bonds and brotherly love. He was trying to understand how you can lead someone you loved so much into a life of hatred for others. "Manny died because someone ran over him on accident Jett, and if I could have been the one to get runned over I would have done that for Manny because I loved him that much", Carlos reasoned. "I know Carlos, you loved him big", I offered, "but what the terrorist brothers did for each other was not the same. You loved Manny enough to die so he could live. The brothers loved each other enough to let others die and did not care if either one of themselves lived or died."
After a few more minutes of conversation and recapping the great amount of fun Carlos and I had with Lil Dude today and Carlos assuring me he was OK we parted ways. We would see each other again next Saturday when we go to Carlos' scout meeting. We said our goodbyes with a hug and a knuckle bump. I spoke briefly with Carlos' mom letting her know what was weighing heavily on Carlos mind today. Headed home I thought about our discussion and I hoped I did well enough at explaining things to Carlos to provide him with a bit of comfort over his confusion over hate and love. I wasn't so sure I understood it myself.
The devastation left behind from this recent act of terrorism goes beyond the deaths of four citizens, beyond the injuries of the nearly 300 Boston Marathon runners and supporters, beyond the family and friends of those effected by this tragedy. It has reached the minds and hearts of the little's in the world that cannot understand how you can love someone enough to watch them die. How you can love someone so much you follow them through their hatred for life and the lives of others. The kids that were afraid to go to school for fear the bad guys would come and shoot them, the kids that were afraid to go outside and play for fear they would get blown up. The kid who loved his brother so much he would die for him, left wondering how a brother could love you so much he would ask you to sacrifice your life for him.
Carlos was in grade 4 last year when his little brother Manny, who was in kindergarten, died from the result of a tricycle accident. I was student teaching 3rd and 4th graders at the time and more then a year later I still remember the tragedy of it all for not only Carlos and his mom, but for the entire 3rd and 4th grade class. I taught both classes an hour a day, focusing on the English language, and often combining the classes when the lesson could be directed to both grades.
One of the combined class projects was to make cards, write letters, or draw art to give to my little Amazing Gracie. I had talked to these students often about Gracie and her fate with terminal brain cancer. I had also talked often to Gracie about my 3rd and 4th graders. My students could not believe that Gracie missed going to school and being with her friends and Gracie would have given anything if it made it possible for her to go back to school and be with the normal kids.
I remember how sad Gracie was for Carlos, losing his little brother like he had. He was always the first one she would ask me about when I would visit her. She was very concerned about his heartd and his happiness. Carlos was intrigued by Gracie's fate and although he was extremely sad for her having to die so young, he wanted so deeply for her to find his little brother Manny and make sure that Manny had found their daddy who went to heaven shortly after Manny was born.
Two little humans, both of their lives effected by death at such a young age. Hers by her own soon to be death, his by the death of a little brother. Two little kids whose paths crossed because death had pushed their paths together. One of Gracie's Pinky Promises with me was that I was to keep Carlos in my life, be his friend, make sure he is OK. In return, Gracie would find Manny and Carlos' dad and make sure they were together in heaven. I have kept that Pinky Promise, and I and Carlos have remained in each others life.
I hung out with Carlos today, going to his Scout meeting, picking up my nephew Lil Dude, going out for lunch and then the three of us playing catch in the fresh outdoor air. I was sure Gracie was watching from a big white fluffy cloud today and I imagined sitting next to her was Manny and his daddy. I knew Gracie had been hanging close to me and the proof to me was when my niece Olivia drug the barbie dolls Gracie left to her over so I could play barbies with her. When I saw that pink doll case she was carrying as she walked into Papa's house I could almost hear Gracie laughing. She loved making me play barbies when I visited her at her house before her journey ended here on earth.
When we decided we had played enough catch for the day we hooked ourselves up with a rootbeer float and then it was time to take Lil Dude home. I liked how close Lid Dude and Carlos were becoming and watching them knuckle bump goodbyes to each other showed how solid their friendship was becoming. On the drive to take Carlos home he grew increasingly quiet. I could sense something was on his mind but he was hesitant to talk to me about anything outside of the fun day we shared together. It wasn't until after we had gotten into his house and sat down to rest for a few minutes that Carlos decided to tell me what was on his mind.
"You know the Boston Bomber Boys? The ones that killed and hurt people in our city?" he asked me. "Yeah Carlos, I watched a lot of news about all that." I replied to him. "Well they were brothers", he said. "I know Carlos, they said the younger brother loved his brother so much he agreed to help him do this to our city", I told Carlos.
Carlos sat in silence for a couple of minutes, I could tell he was thinking deep. I asked him, "Are you OK Carlos?" When he looked up at me I could see a great deal of sadness in his eyes, the same sadness I remember seeing the first time I saw him after his little brothers accident. "Jett", he said, "I loved Manny enough to never want him to get in trouble or hurt anyone." Big old tears were in Carlos' eyes and I could see they were about to fall out and roll down his little cheeks. "You loved your brother big Carlos and you were a great big brother to Manny." With tears rolling down his cheeks, the now 5th grade soon to be 6th grade student said, "The big brother should of loved the little brother more then the little brother loved the big brother and nothing would of happened bad to our city."
We visited for a while longer, with me answering questions that Carlos had about the brothers as best I could. It was difficult to explain that kind of brotherly love to Carlos, a love so strong that you were willing to such a great act of evil against others that did you no harm. A love so strong between brothers that one was willing to drag the other through hell and one that was willing to follow a path so dark he would surely spend a long time in God's Park before he gained access to God's eternal life of happiness and peace. A love so strong it turned to hate.
Carlos was worried about brotherly bonds and brotherly love. He was trying to understand how you can lead someone you loved so much into a life of hatred for others. "Manny died because someone ran over him on accident Jett, and if I could have been the one to get runned over I would have done that for Manny because I loved him that much", Carlos reasoned. "I know Carlos, you loved him big", I offered, "but what the terrorist brothers did for each other was not the same. You loved Manny enough to die so he could live. The brothers loved each other enough to let others die and did not care if either one of themselves lived or died."
After a few more minutes of conversation and recapping the great amount of fun Carlos and I had with Lil Dude today and Carlos assuring me he was OK we parted ways. We would see each other again next Saturday when we go to Carlos' scout meeting. We said our goodbyes with a hug and a knuckle bump. I spoke briefly with Carlos' mom letting her know what was weighing heavily on Carlos mind today. Headed home I thought about our discussion and I hoped I did well enough at explaining things to Carlos to provide him with a bit of comfort over his confusion over hate and love. I wasn't so sure I understood it myself.
The devastation left behind from this recent act of terrorism goes beyond the deaths of four citizens, beyond the injuries of the nearly 300 Boston Marathon runners and supporters, beyond the family and friends of those effected by this tragedy. It has reached the minds and hearts of the little's in the world that cannot understand how you can love someone enough to watch them die. How you can love someone so much you follow them through their hatred for life and the lives of others. The kids that were afraid to go to school for fear the bad guys would come and shoot them, the kids that were afraid to go outside and play for fear they would get blown up. The kid who loved his brother so much he would die for him, left wondering how a brother could love you so much he would ask you to sacrifice your life for him.
... I love you this much ...
